Almost 3 years without sex. Suicidal Thoughts

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by racc00n, Oct 21, 2018.

  1. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

    Hello guys,
    ( The counter is out of date. i have relapsed countless times )
    Please i need advice. Since i got out of the psychiatric hospital almost 3 years ago, not even a single female has ever ever looked at me. I tried to go 8 days, and still no attraction. The worst part is that i am out of shape, meaning that i lost much of my interest in the pursuit of females. Whenever i want to talk to an unknown female at a bar i feel blocked and end up keeping my mouth shut and being unable to sleep when i get home. Does it have to do with the excess weight or it is just that i have to re-adapt? All the above has made me suicidal. I have thought of starting antidepressants again or going to a hooker to blow off, and then go for hypnotherapy. What is your opinion on the situation ? Its my last year in the college and some of my hopes are still here.
  2. Brother, I'm going to address this comment to you but could be talking to a younger version of myself just as much.

    You seem to be tying your happiness / self-worth to getting some sex. Will you be happy if you get a random hook-up in a bar? Or sex with a hooker? Is that an accomplishment? The next day/week, will you feel any better about your life? Ask yourself my friend.

    First of all, a meaningless sexual encounter like that is little better than jacking off. A one night-stand, where things just happen, is not always a bad thing. But to tie your self-esteem to finding an orgasm with a stranger/ hooker is not going to lead anywhere worthwhile.

    Secondly, you can choose to be happy. Read some books on the topic of meaning in life - The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, Mans Search for Meaning, Meditations. You can be content right now - with no money, sex, career success etc. This very moment, unless you are gravely ill or starved, you could experience total contentment if you learn how to do so. I would personally avoid anti-depressants as I think big-pharma is a racket.

    Thirdly, you need to make yourself a man of value. Being overweight and fapping everyday of course means you are less attractive than your potential. 8 days of nofap is not much time at all. And don't expect that just doing nofap gets you women. Doing nofap AND improving your life in other areas (fitness, hobbies, social life etc) makes you a more attractive man. Continuing to approach women without repairing your self-esteem will only make you feel worse.
  3. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

    Hey, man. I can relate to your story. I'm mentally ill too. I'm 32 and I've lost track of how many times I've been hospitalized. I didn't even get laid until I was 25 and then only a couple times. It's been 7 years since I've been laid. I just finished up a 233 day no PMO. I wanted to see if my equipment still worked. Long story short, it didn't. NoFap doesn't get you laid. Guys who say women are more attracted to them while they're doing NoFap are simply responding to the placebo effect.

    I dunno where I'm going with this. I guess just "I feel ya bro and don't kill yourself."
  4. countitjoy5

    countitjoy5 Fapstronaut

    Sexual sin will make exhibit the symptoms of many common mental illnesses. So don't see yourself that way and take responsibility for your life. I know the stigma of being involved with mental health can fuel the rejection and start the vicious cycle. It's really sad what you are describing, please turn to God for help - use the tools and community here to assist you. You will have to fight to get out of what you're in.
    Eleanor and Sefz33 like this.
  5. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

    countitjoy5,I don't mean to offend you but, god is not in my options because i am atheist, and the main reason is that religion is against sex. If you don't eject semen you risk prostate cancer. RecoveringWanker, you are right, i have to repair my self-esteem first and then go for it. However, i believe that a real partner is the confirmation of a repaired self-esteem. The suicide is just a picture of my self doing it, not actual desire to do it, it comes and goes depending on the course of my day. Today i am starting social experiments, meaning that i will keep any conversation going, even with a stranger at a shop. I wont give myself deadlines or expect everything to happen out of the blue. I am setting the counter right now
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2018
  6. PornFreeMe

    PornFreeMe Fapstronaut

    There's a whole world out there waiting for you, open the cell door of your mental prison and walk out into it. Listen to the birds. Feel nature. Stop thinking so fuckin much. We think too much.

    Weird little creatures everywhere. They aren't thinking, they're just being. Only think when you have to. Don't sit around at 11:30pm and wonder why you're ugly. That is an absolute exercise in futility and it also corrupts your mind. Your mind corrupts your body.

    Open the door.
  7. RedGryphon

    RedGryphon Fapstronaut

    I know exactly how you feel. I have always seemed to be invisible, even though I am fit, I exercise every day, look after myself in every way. I know it hurts a lot, but man you just gotta keep pushing through. Please don't result to an escort/hooker. Hear me out that it won't make you feel better, it will most likely make you feel worse. And there's no way of taking it back once you've done it! If you're out of shape/over-weight then this will definitely be a factor in why you feel so bad. I would absolutely recommend getting into shape for multiple reasons.
    clapas and (deleted member) like this.
  8. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

    I agree with you guys but I feel like i will lose the ability to have sex again if i dont go to a hooker. I've already lost some of my desire to go after it. I am somewhat afraid of sex. I am afraid of losing my erection during intercourse, and i am afraid of inhibited ejaculation. These things have happened to me in the past and i dont know what to blame it on (maybe PMO ? ), but i have read articles about pmo and they said that pmo is not related to E.D or inhibited ejaculation
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2018
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    After you get fit, cure your E.D., have sex, get a girlfriend... then what?

    If you only had this or that, then you'd be happy? Once you reach completion then everything is good?

    Think of the last time you wanted something and you eventually got it. Why aren't you happy anymore? Why aren't you complete? Why isn't everything good? Why would the next time you have sex fix your life if the last time you had sex didn't?

    It doesn't matter what you have, who you're with, where you are, or what you're doing because you're still the same person that will always want something else before they can enjoy their life. Always focusing on what isn't working and what they don't have. Always in a constant state of lack / scarcity / never enough / if only I had this or that.

    These external achievements or attainments aren't your problem. They didn't fix things in the past and they won't fix things in the future. What you're really after is changing the way that you experience yourself. All the external stuff are just band aid solutions and distractions that clearly never worked for you. They were temporary distractions. A way to escape whatever was going on inside.

    So to my question above (then what?)... then nothing... you're still you and nothing will ever be enough for you. You'll always focus on what isn't working and what you don't have. Always looking for the next external stimuli for distractions. Always looking for that temporary spike of happiness before coming back down again. You'll end up right back here because that's the way you're currently experiencing yourself.
  10. Frank201$

    Frank201$ Fapstronaut

    Great advice my friend.
    RecoveringWanker likes this.
  11. Bro, as bad as it seems punching out is NOT the answer. You don’t have confidence in yourself and that takes a little bit to get.

    I feel ya—I was an ugly duckling in middle/high school. The trick is to nurture your other assets—in my case a keen wit, clever mind and natural like ability. Physically I started working out all the time. When I got to college talking to and dating became much easier.

    Just focus on one thing right now—replacing Porn with exercise and eating right. Start there.
  12. Hardmode-Monk

    Hardmode-Monk Fapstronaut

    Dating in college is hard. Most girls I approach aren't interested. A lot of my classmates are on tinder and the grand total of matches from my classmates was 2. And I didn't like those girls.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Hey, @racc00n, hoping you're still reading these posts.

    I think the most important thing to note here is that you've already identified some of your limiting issue - mental and physical health. As someone who has spent decades with the desire to off myself, I don't feel comfortable 'telling' you what to do. However, you yourself have already said what you need to do. Deal with your mental yayas. Get yourself in better shape. The latter may well help the former (it doesn't for me, but I accept I'm an aberration). Make yourself a man of value. You have potential untapped within you that needs to get out.

    Specifically related to you having sex, I've gone longer periods without sex in my life, and strangely enough, after a drought, it wasn't always as good as I'd hoped. The important thing here is - you've had sex before. Somewhere, some woman felt you were enough of a man to be open and intimate with her. Don't analyse your issues, or her issues, or anything like that. You're not the Elephant Man/Adolf Hitler hybrid. It's happened before. Simple statistics say it will happen again. Work on yourself.

    Not telling you what to do - just observing.
  14. @racc00n,

    Quoting this, just for emphasis.
  15. vitatertot

    vitatertot Fapstronaut

    First off. Talk to a therapist. Suicidal thoughts are serious and not to be messed with. Second of all: there CAN be hope. Third: No one will change your life for you. But it's possible. I'd recommend a holistic life change program. Sit down and write down what you want to have accomplished goal wise in 3 years: Ideally. Think of what's on the edge of humanly possible. Then sit down and write out 1 year, 6 month, 3 month, 1 month, and goals for THIS WEEK on how you're going to accomplish them. This should take you at least an hour, if not a day or more of thinking about what you want from life. If you're out of shape, decide a diet to follow and a workout plan. I'd recommend KETO. I'm going on it right now, and it's working miracles. You don't have to worry that much about restricting calories, just what you eat. Make it a 0 tolerance policy towards sugar, and low carb intake: if you don't know what keto is, you eat as much fat and protein as you want (dairy, cream, cottage cheese, meats, etc. . . but only like 20g or 50g of carbs a day. This makes your body burn fat for fuel, and you lose weight very fast. Walk every day for 40 minutes. That's all I did for 3 months and lost 50 pounds. Stick with it man. Realize that you will relapse. But realize that you don't get a better life from stopping porn, you stop porn because you made yourself a better life. Go after it with all you got. Put girls on the backburner: they're not all their is to life. Put your goals first and go after them, and then the girls will start noticing it. If you're working on getting your life in order, then make a point not to date for a year while you focus solely on yourself. Bro, if you need anything, let me know. There is change, and there is life. But you gotta go to God first, and then you gotta decide to change. Love.
  16. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

    As DBT therapy suggests, a way of viewing your issues is balancing acceptance (including validating the pain) and change.

    It is probably not helpful to discount or minimize the pain of your hospital experience and drought with intimacy. It is a powerful, natural hunger.

    And all the suggestions about new goals, new esteem building, and sell development are still also relevant towards change.

    Both are necessary. Very hard, but universal. Don't give up, seek support here and live, and try a little each day.

    Easy to say.....hard to do, but many are here relating and supporting....
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

    Hi all, im back from the college. Yesterday we had 5 hours lesson. Very tiring day . Thanks for the advice. It's really helpful. Maybe depression is somehow reflected outside, and thats why i dont attract females. I go to the gym 4 times a week for the past 2 months and lost 4 kilograms. Im not giving up. Another problem i have is drug use to get away from my problems. I get high for a few hours and then boom, depression again. Coce and mdma mostly. I dont seem to be able to avoid them. They take the bad thoughts away. The problem is that after every drug session i relapse and fap compulsively. So the counter is reseted today. Is it likely that nofap powers are a myth ? Ive never gone beyond 8 days so i dont know.
  18. vitatertot

    vitatertot Fapstronaut

    No nofap powers are definitely true. Trust me. I've gone 82 days, and it's legit. It may be that the drug addiction is messin with your head or that you're just in deep enough that it'll take longer than 8 days for you. I'd recommend HIGHLY going to counseling or a recovery group for the drugs. You can't recover from one addiction while keeping another. Best of luck man
    Deleted Account likes this.
  19. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

    Just how ugly are you? Like Quasimodo ugly? Maybe go see a Sex Surrogate; man you really need to get laid. I don't want to see you take your sexual frustrations out on society on account of not getting any pussy. Seriously, go find a Sex Surrogate.

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