Almost had sex but...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by mihmihero, Apr 26, 2019.

  1. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone! This is my first post so I dont know if this is the correct forum to post so I'm sorry if its wrong. I'll try to keep it short. So basically, a few months ago I moved into a new house and I started hanging out a lot with one of my housemates(a girl). I'm talking cuddling on the couch, watching movies, walking to the park together, sharing food.We got to know each other quite well and I enjoyed her company. I did find her really cute but i didn't want to make a move even though I wanted to as I knew she had a lot of psychological issues so I was OK just being a good friend in need that could help her deal with them. One day, we were watching a movie on my bed and she was hugging me with her head on my shoulders when suddenly she turns around and kisses me. After that, things got quite heated but then suddenly, she stops and tells me we need to stop because she wants to be good in the eyes of God. I've never had been in a relationship before or had sex, that was even my first kiss so you can imagine that made me quite frustrated but I said that I respect that and we stopped. After that, she went into her room and stopped talking to me, I didn't see her until 7 days later after that and even then it was kind of awkward. I tried speaking to her and I said that if she doesn't want sex or a relationship its fine but I would really like to be her friend because I really like her. For a month after that, she was really awkward and only spoke to me when she needed something and then went back to ignoring me. She even blocked me on Facebook. After looking back in our interactions, I saw that this was always the case, I was always just a second choice for her, a substitute. She wanted me around only because of what I gave her and didn't want to commit anything to get that. I was just trying to make us happy you know? That realization threw me off balance and I broke my streak of 93 days. I relapsed for a couple of weeks and after that I only had about three 20 day streaks but I struggle to go past that.Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this whole situation? I'd really like the opinion of someone religious if possible
     
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  2. legendsneverdie

    legendsneverdie Fapstronaut

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    Bro something similar happening with me and this girl except she confessed she liked me and i don’t like her back so i’ve been basically showing no interest and acting a bit cold.

    And she’s super awkward now and the whole situation is awkward and i’m probably gonna stop talking to her.

    Anyways, coming from a religious background, I highly value virginity unlike most society and i want to please God. She liked you from what i can tell, and she even wanted you. No doubt if she wasn’t religious, she would have had sex with you that night. But it’s very hard, the battle between what your body wants and what your spirit wants.

    She is conflicted and had to choose btwn you and God. she would rather honor God, which imo is commendable but unfortunately that is sad for you. But she is awkward because she doesn’t want to get close to you anymore because maybe sex could happen again, and she is just very confused but wants to do what is right in her eyes.

    Don’t feel bad man, i’m sorry but you are gonna have to forget about her and move on. This girl there is no hope
     
  3. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply bro! I know I should move on but its obviously a bit hard when you see the person every day. I guess thats why they say its bad to date your housemates haha. The thing is, I can accept a "I dont want to have sex with you because of God" even if it hurts but thats not the only thing. After that day, I tried to be kind, patient and friendly and she's been avoiding me but not completely. She has been friendly in the meantime but only to ask a favour like"Can you give me a lift" or " Can you take me shopping" and then went back to ignoring me. Sometimes she'll also tease me my asking me "Can you help me adjust my bra" knowing full well what I'd be thinking while I was doing that.I feel like she's using my interest and feelings for her in order to get favours and thats what hurts the most. Additionally, shes not a virgin, she had 2 ex boyfriends before and had sex with both.
     
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  4. legendsneverdie

    legendsneverdie Fapstronaut

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    Dang i mean don’t let her use you. In regards to her having 2 bfs in the past, maybe she learned from those experiences and doesn’t wanna repeat same mistake.

    Just give her the cold shoulder for like a week and see what happens. I hate when girls act like that. You hold the power. Also have you relapsed lately? How have you been doing with nofap

    I’m getting crazy levels of attraction lately. almost at 70 days
     
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  5. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    I have been giving her the cold shoulder for the past few days and now shes suddenly all friendly. She even unblocked me from facebook. Where was all of this friendliness the last month? My guess is that she panicked when she saw that I wouldnt always be available for her and she does her best to keep me around but I know If I give in and get nice again, she'll go back to how she was. I would say, this means that she has been using me after all.

    Yes, I have relapsed about a month and a half ago, right after she told me she didn't want a relationship or sex because of God. I watched porn 4 times in 10 days and I broke a 93 day streak as well, which was my highest one. Ever since then, I had 3, 20 day streaks but I reset after that because I gave in to temptation and I cant really get past 20 days. Now I am hopefully back on track. Its the fact that I had something I was hungry for my whole life dangled in front of my face and then snatched away that dissapoints me. I never had sex or a relationship and the kiss with her was my first one so as you can imagine I wanted a lot more. Imagine wasting your time with trash on the internet and when the opportunity to quench your thirst with a REAL woman finally appears, it goes away again.

    Its just so frustrating you know.
     
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  6. seekagoodlife

    seekagoodlife Fapstronaut

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    Firstly man, don't let your life and your reboot journey be ruined by her, no matter how much you like her. Obviously its easier said than done, but you must try to keep that in mind. Secondly, maybe she is awkward with you because you guys now like each other? How about asking her simply what's going on? Maybe she is having problems lately. Just some ideas, but keep going, be strong.
     
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  7. FoxTwo

    FoxTwo Fapstronaut

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    You will take the redpill soon. Forget this girl, she is lying to you and dont do any favour. You will meet this kind of girls all the time during your life, stay away.
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2019
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  8. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    She sounds like she has issues and doesn't know how to properly express herself or even know what she wants. Girls are very complex, us guys is very simple, we either like you or not, and if we like you we will want to spend time with you. Unfortuantely for girls it's not that simple, though i feel like she's dealing with shame and doesn't know how to cope with what you guys did on the couch that night. Mind you it may have been her first time as well...
     
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  9. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply and advice! I have tried to talk to her but she always changes the subject or stops talking to me. I have been thinking that i let my happiness depend on her a bit too much and that made me a bit unstable. I'll start visiting NoFap more frequently from now on to get back on track with help from you guys!
     
  10. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    It is definitely not her first time. She's kissed guys before and even had sex with them. I definitely agree with you about what you said about having trouble expressing things and her having a lot of issues. The thing is, I was fine accepting those things if we stayed as friends, something I thought she wanted as well because I knew she was religious when we met. Now, I'm not too religious myself so I dont claim to understand exactly why she pushed me away because all I see is me trying to make two people happy and getting punished for it. Thats why I really appreciate your advice. That said, when she kissed me I thought " Ok so she IS alright with sex" but then turned cold for one reason or the other. I mean... when you come to kiss someone, you HAVE to make the choice of yes or no. I dont mean to pressure her but it just hurts my feelings and my NoFap progress being in between. I think the best thing is to take everyone's advice here and give her the cold shoulder for a bit and then move on.
     
  11. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    Well, I think that she may have not been all that religious when she was having sex. She might be trying to dedicate herself to God more, so for her she was giving into a bodily sexual desire that night, and when she snapped out of it she stopped and went to her room. She probably also sees you as the cause for her temptation and hence doesn't want to be friends with you any more. I don't think she has genuine feelings for you, but she is using you to fulfill the need for intimacy in her. She probably blames you for being the cause of her almost falling into sin. It could make sense why she wants to cut you off now out of the clue...
     
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  12. Pepezapallito

    Pepezapallito Fapstronaut

    Esa chica quería sexo y se fue a buscarlo a otro lado. Perdón
     
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  13. HecTormoku

    HecTormoku Fapstronaut

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    So using you was ok in God's eyes but not having sex with you is wrong according to her logic...
    Forgive and forget her, bro. You deserve someone better
     
  14. Bale

    Bale Fapstronaut

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    Why not play the priest role and say a playful joke like "God knows we are both sinners, but he loves all his children and no doubt he will forgive what I will do to you tonight". I think she was testing you, especially because of the hot/cold she's been giving you afterwards. You're taking all this way too seriously and she can feel that.
     
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  15. Lame lol.This won't work.
     
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  16. seekagoodlife

    seekagoodlife Fapstronaut

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    Stay strong man. If she brings too much trouble, get away from her and live your life to the fullest, facing forward in a fap-free life. If you judge that she is worth it, then go for it and talk to her about how you truly feel. My opinion is option 1 for now, but i don't know her and you enough. Hope this helps. Peace.
     
    mihmihero likes this.
  17. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    Taking her bra off is much easier. She does the easy job on her own and leaves the hard work for you. This is unfair...
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2019
  18. seekagoodlife

    seekagoodlife Fapstronaut

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    She might simply not be worth it. And since she's religious, she's ashamed of having sex at this point.
     
    mihmihero likes this.
  19. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    Yes, she remembered it very early...
     
  20. mihmihero

    mihmihero Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I think she is a bit ashamed even if she wants it deep down. I mean, I really do care about her but this is just a case of people wanting two different things. I think sex is really important and she thinks her religion is. I dont wanna force her away from her religion and she obviously thinks its better to cut me off and ignore me than to try and find a compromise that doesn't involve sex so I think just forgetting and moving on is the better choice here.
     

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