Alone and suffering

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by TheOtherABC, Dec 25, 2019.

  1. TheOtherABC

    TheOtherABC Fapstronaut

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    Today I complete a month of NoFap.

    Gradually, I stopped Alcohol, closed my social media account, and minimised my useless interaction with this world.

    For some reasons, I feel extremely lonely, and I genuinely wish that I close my eyes and... I die.

    Love is all around, and most of the people are with their loved ones, but me. My friends and family live thousands of miles away from me, and this world has outrightly rejected me, especially girls of this world. Trust me, I am not able to see any benefits of PMO in my life. I think 30 days of suppression has made things worse.

    I am a 32-year-old man. I am brown. I feel ugly. I am balding rapidly. I can't speak English properly in front of anyone. Girls spit on my face saying there is no spark, men hate me as I do not exhibit their traits. I am a weak not so smart student. I am bullied by friends, professors, and supervisors. I have no hope of doing anything in my life. I have no hope of finding any women now. I just wish I was dead!

    If there is Santa, Jesus, God - please make this day the last day of my life. I am a loser who can't handle the pain anymore, but I am too scared to commit suicide as well.
     
  2. CodeTalker

    CodeTalker Fapstronaut

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    More than once I thought about ending my life and even these days I think about it. But what’s keeps me going is hope. I believe in God and I believe He loves me and loves you too. I’m sure He has something planned for us. And that should keep us going.
     
  3. Espi1971

    Espi1971 Fapstronaut

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    I wish I knew the words to rid your suffering and pain.

    May peace and strength be with you today.

    I've noticed, during "recovery", that at times my demons resurface, and that at times it's very scary to confront these demons without the aid of my usual escapes: PMO, fantasy, p-subs, marijuana, and alcohol.

    And I often struggle dealing with people. I often feel anger and at times rage. What helps me is humbly asking God to remove my anger, insecurity, and ego. I pray to God for more understanding and acceptance, because I want friends and family in my life. I want to trust and support people, and I want people to trust and support me.
     
  4. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Hi man,you are on good way i wish you all best.Life can be miserable,life is unfair,but if you want to live you must stick with that and accept that.I know how it is to have suicide as idea.I was sexually abused by pedophile when i was kid,when i was about 15 years old my father have kick my mom and younger brother from house,when i was 15-16 years old my father,me,grandmother and grandfather have lived just by grandfather pension,in that time we only have to eat bread.That was time when i was like i don't wanna die but i ain't keen on living either,year ago was last time i have suicidal though.
    Now when i m older i have job,i have private job too,my mom come back home with my brother i have personal solve problems with my dad.Long story in short i want to tell you if you don't believe in yourself nobody will,defeated is only one who think they are,good luck friend.
     
    ShyIIock, Metis07, LongBeard and 2 others like this.
  5. TheOtherABC

    TheOtherABC Fapstronaut

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    Thanks all for your kind advice!
     
    NF SINCE BIRTH likes this.
  6. Sounds exactly like me on my darkest days. My Christmas wasn't the best neither. I was sleeping all day wishing for it to end before it started. Fortunately it is soon over. Christmas can be a pain if you have no family to celebrate with.

    30 days no PMO is great. What is the next thing on your list? Work out in the gym maybe? Buy some nice clothes? I dont believe that you are ugly. There is no such thing. Be proud of yourself. Walk with a straight back, make strong eye contact. Develop conversation skills and so on. No one will see you as ugly if you walk like a champion.
     
    Metis07 and toms_feelings like this.
  7. Hang in there and look to Jesus. Cry out to Him and pour out your heart to Him. Give Him your heart. He wont disappoint you. John 3:16. You can inbox me if you want to chat more. Hang in there!!!
     
  8. TheOtherABC

    TheOtherABC Fapstronaut

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    I will stick around - and will allow life to kill me rather than I will commit anything. Frankly, I am too weak to do that as well.

    And one way to allow life to kill me would me through NOFAP. I'm on day 32 and I will allow it to swallow me up! Totally, and completely.
     
    Metis07 likes this.
  9. have faith in god and he will lead you to the right path but he wont help you get laid. f he could, he would have already done so.
     
  10. HelplessPleaseHelp?

    HelplessPleaseHelp? Fapstronaut

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  11. SequinHistory

    SequinHistory Fapstronaut

    I’d recommend joining a 12 step program in your area or seeking therapy. You can check out my journal if you want- I am doing the same.
     
  12. gemit23

    gemit23 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "TheOtherABC, post: 2368706, członek: 369779"] Dzisiaj kończę miesiąc NoFap.. Chciałbym tylko umrzeć!

    Jeśli jest Święty Mikołaj, Jezus, Bóg - proszę uczyń ten dzień ostatnim dniem mojego życia. Jestem przegranym, który nie jest w stanie znieść bólu, ale zbyt boję się popełnić samobójstwo. [/ QUOTE]

    I know what you feel bro
     
  13. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Man this post made me sad, it reminded me my youth. Also alone, family away, no friends, rejected from the world, weak and tired, depressed and scared. Find someone to talk to if ur experiencing crisis, there's international suicide hotline many people told me it's really helpful.
    I don't know what to say but hope you will get better soon and just know the depressive thoughts and feeling are only emotions. Suicide thoughts as well, they are emotions so don't act on it. They shall pass, then they might come again, but just know in the end they will pass and never come back. Just believe that
     
  14. thats how life is for some people. sucks when you are born with the wrong genetics. imagine how live would be if you were white and good looking.
     
  15. He should give his life to Christ and ask Him to take full control of it.
    Andhira, being white is not the end all and be all of human existence, neither is looking good. Both ideas are shallow and just plain wrong.
    White genes are not superior to others. And being white does not make one genetically "ok" or superior to being of another color or race. Its people who hold these superiority complexed views who are a primary reason why the whole world is jacked up in certain ways till this day because its running off of fuel mixed with these lies from religion to economics to politics to health, to housing, to education to you name it.
     
  16. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

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    What probably kills me the most is being ignored. Feeling invisible with no response when you try and connect with people. The days passing while I still have that void in my soul. I wouldn’t commit suicide but I do have a frustrated anger.
     
  17. this is what ugly men live
     

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