Alternatives to Porn when Masturbating

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by DeepBlue, Jul 19, 2017.

  1. DeepBlue

    DeepBlue Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I have used this site in the past and have rejoined to get some personalised advice. My personal situation is that I usually watch porn while masturbating and would like to find a sustainable alternative that will allow me to satisfy myself without porn, but without becoming pervy in day to day life looking for new wank bank material. That's it in short. I'm yet to find a good alternative so was hoping for suggestions.

    One idea I had had was to try buying a fleshlight and just focus on the sensations of it, on a more irregular basis. I have some reservations about this but might try it out.
     
  2. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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  3. HappyDaysAreHereAgain

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain Fapstronaut

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    You do not need a Fleshlight to concentrate on the sensations that you are feeling.
    M, by itself, will relieve the pressure you feel, but there are things to be said for maintaining that pressure and re-channeling it into more productive pursuits.
     
  4. enoughofthisshit

    enoughofthisshit Fapstronaut

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    I too had the idea of substituting PMO with just really good M. For me it doesn't work, I just get very strong urges to PMO about a day later, your mileage may vary.
     
  5. I'd say try what HappyDays said, use that pressure and channel it into something more productive than fapping, think of something you need to do but don't normally have the energy for, when you feel pressure built up try to put that energy into the thing you normally wouldn't, that's my suggestion. For me, masturbation tires me out and causes lack of productivity, I should also be trying this.
     
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  6. Ocguy

    Ocguy Fapstronaut

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    I agree , This is exactly why were fucked up.

    If youre not horny enough to M on fantasy alone then you shouldn't be Mo ING until you are.
     
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  7. Yesterday I tried fapping to my imagination alone in the bathroom, it took me like 4 times longer than on the computer with porn, this is what addiction does to you lads, it makes you reliant on it and makes it hard to fap without. Think of it, what if we are all so addicted, when we have wife's someday, we can't get hard to them??? IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE WE CAN'T RELEASE OUR PLEASURE WITHOUT TWISTED IMAGES!!! I DON'T LIKE HOW IT LOOKS!!! SAVE ME!!! I MUST QUIT!!!
     
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  8. DeepBlue

    DeepBlue Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the responses so far. I have spent long periods without porn, the frequency I masturbated wasn't too different to now during those, I just was more easily aroused generally. Masturbation hasn't really been excessive for me though.

    I would fantasise while doing it but usually over things I'd seen during that day or week. It's difficult to construct a purely fictional fantasy, or at least I think the brain finds it more arousing if it has some realisms or real life possibilities. I don't think this is a good alternative though as it just makes you a bit pervy. I like not needing to look when I see something I shouldn't.

    I have ordered a flesh light so I'll see how I go with that. Someone said about not masturbating more often than fantasy allows. I do agree (although I think once you're adjusted to porn fantasy isn't as arousing), I think the real test would be masturbating as often as the sensations of touch only would allow. Certainly when I've gone a week or so without masturbating I could cum in seconds without even a naughty thought. Would guess it would be difficult to manage more regularly so I don't know.

    I've considered quitting masturbation before, at times I have done when I've been with pretty active sexual partners. But I think accounting for the times when sex isn't there, it's too unrealistic indefinitely. I'd prefer to find some middle ground
     
  9. DeepBlue

    DeepBlue Fapstronaut

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    Thought I'd post a quick update and map my mind a little. So today is 5/8 so 17 days on. Flesh light feels amazing, bit of an effort to prepare/clean up but worth it and encourages a more less regular but good session. I managed to finish fine with a tiny bit of fantasy but mostly focusing on the sensation (didn't try leaving it longer between sessions though - I imagine 3-7 days would do it). Watched porn the first time but haven't bothered with it since.

    I've been away most of the time though so no flesh light. Mostly stuck to fantasy and occasionally visited a site where couples share pictures of each other that I enjoy. I accidentally went on a porn site today when out of habit when clicking incognito I typed it in. Was quite interesting as every video thumbnail looked amazing and dirty whereas usually I'd be searching through 50 videos to find one I might like. Pretty much what I expected from past experience though - usually I'd go back to porn though and within say 2-4 weeks or something I'd probably have lost interest in vanilla.

    I have noticed a could of issues from sticking to fantasy instead of porn but I think they're probably workable. I'm intending to use erotic fiction some of the time (yet to try this), occasionally the couple's site I mentioned and then some fantasy and touch. I'm intrigued to see what affect this has on sex in person, I think it will be better. I think I've seen most of the benefit I expect to see already - I'm already a lot more easily aroused - but will be interesting to see if it changes much more with time.

    I think I've realised as well is that one option I do have is to use more vanilla porn intermittently or use porn somewhat regularly with tolerance breaks about every month. I think I'd rather make sex the big orgasm than porn though and it'd probably be difficult in practice to pull off.

    So yeah I'll continue as I have for now I think and see how the sex is.

    One issue that did occur to me today is I've become quite selective in the type of vagina I find most arousing. Actually when looking at amateur stuff/my partners where the vaginas aren't selected based on their genitals I probably look for a very specific type of vagina, maybe only 10% - actually the body is less important beyond not being obese. Although when I do find one I like I'd do anything with it. I'm not sure whether I've always been this picky but the last girl I was with I really found her bits grim to look at. Interestingly my last longer term partner had a semi nice vulva, but the opposite type to my preference. I still enjoyed looking and playing with it and going down on her but I didn't have the love for it that I have for some. I'm not sure what to make of this. I think if I found the right girl with the right vagina I'd never want to stop playing with it though. Not sure how much of this is an outcome of porn Vs just natural preference. Actually the last partner I had with the not so attractive vulva was generally not a good experience and I really find it repulsive to think about a vagina like that now. I think I would avoid going down on a really bad one like that as shallow as that may be. Interested to know if anyone else is like me in this regard?
     
  10. DeepBlue

    DeepBlue Fapstronaut

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    That last point about vulva appearance - not such an issue for short term partners but if I was looking for a long term relationship I'm not sure how that would affect things. Likelihood is that whatever the vagina is like of the person i enter into that relationship with, is how the vagina of the long term relationship will be - i.e. I can't vet 10 girls and pick the one with the nice vajayjay. Maybe I'll get lucky when I meet that person but chances are I won't - unless I'm biased and make the person right when I find the right vagina haha. Not sure what to make of that but that's why it occurred to me I should think on it more. Although probably 50% of the girls I've been with have had vaginas I haven't found grim and most I've enjoyed? Could be some sample biased there though. Maybe just not settling for one I literally find grim is an option though rather than looking for perfect. Or adjusting expectations - porn might play a role in that but some just are gross and I can't see that perspective changing.
     
  11. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

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    Actually, there's no any point of wasting your time and energy on such a useless thing. Masturbating still drains a vast amount of your energy and gives you nothing in return. Although it might relieve some pain and provides you some pleasure, it's still not worth it. Not to mention that it might get you back to watching porn, so you have to entirely eradicate it from your life. Just consider it a challenge that shows how strong you are. If you can't overcome this addiction, I doubt that you'll be able to overcome other obstacles in your life.
     
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  12. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

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    Try to make masturbation as less pleasurable as possible. I read about one guy who masturbated without fantasizing. He just concentrated on the feeling while staying fully aware. He didn't do it for pleasure and he was aware to the present moment. He quit before he could orgasm as he thought this is just a waste of time.
     
  13. DeepBlue

    DeepBlue Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your advice. Personally I see orgasms more like food than a drug when it comes to addiction. I can eat healthy food or I can eat junk food, or I can find a happy balance, but I don't wish to eliminate it entirely. In this case I see porn to be the junk food. Sex is more like eating out. To abstain entirely though I doesn't please me and I don't eat out enough to sustain me.
     
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  14. DeepBlue

    DeepBlue Fapstronaut

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    Hmm I'm a bit of a hedonist so pleasure is something I'm big on seeking. Although I'm happy to sacrifice some short term pleasure for bigger pleasure later, such as by removing porn to make sex better.

    I'd probably quit too in the scenario you presented until after a few days when I'd explode at the slightest touch - I actually did that for about a year before now. Not sure how I managed it, perhaps my sex drive was lower but at the time I saw it as worthwhile for the increase in orgasm pleasure
     
  15. Q: Alternatives to Porn when Masturbating

    Nation Geographic, The Wall Street Journal, Readers Digest, or the current Farmers Almanac.

    You're welcome.
     
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  16. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Why on earth would you replace one compulsive sexual behavior with another sexual behavior? Dude, you need to reboot your brain.
     
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  17. plant goodness

    plant goodness Fapstronaut

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    • Denial
    • Justification
    • Minimization
    • Rationalization
     
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  18. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

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    Apparently you seem to see nothing wrong with masturbating. You need to know that energy is fundamental for accomplishing your goals. Masturbating drains your energy and gives you nothing in return. You could have used this energy in a more productive way.
     
  19. Pilgrimm

    Pilgrimm New Fapstronaut

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    I totally agree. I do want a wife someday and I want to be able to please her and I don’t want to seem under par because I wasted my brain on these erotic images. I also know that God probably will not send me a good mate if I am struggling with this addiction. And it makes sense. I gotta do better. I want to find a way out of this. The though of just laying it down just will not do. Well, I’m on here as a first step. I’m open to suggestions. I’m just a Pilgrimm passing through on my way to that Celestial City. I will escape this slough of dispair. I will pass through the Wicket Gate! I will overcome!
     
  20. Khalifa1

    Khalifa1 Fapstronaut

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    Why do people here say masturbation gives you nothing in return. It gives you 'pleasure' for minutes. Feels pretty good. Doing something productive doesn't guarantee pleasure in return. You're just deceiving yourself. You can masturbate '&' do something productive with your day. I understand the point of nofap, I'm on day 15. Going to 90, but am tired of people making it so grim here. Christ! It causes ED when done to the extreme, agreed. Manage it. ...and grow discipline over time, now that you've seen the bad it could cause.
     
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