Always comes back to here. Day 0... again.

Hey everyone. Long time no fapper but I'm always back in the hole before I know it. Recently I've been working from home so the challenge is extra strong, when stress piles up and I'm all alone.

I'm facing the issue of failing too many times. Now I find it hard to get motivated because I've tried and failed so many times. I know nothing is impossible but god damn. It's so hard to convince yourself every day.

I think being a part of this community always helped me reaffirm my commitment.

I'm afraid I will always be this way if I don't change now. I've wanted to make the right changes all the way through my 20's. I woke around 22 but I've tried and failed and tried again, with the gym, meditation and NoFap. I have a history of giving up before the roots take hold. I'm 29 and turning 30 soon and I'm scared as hell.

There's a positive though, I've been on a hot streak at the gym for the past month and a half that's been wavering. I think I succeeded because I made space for myself. I committed to a time and place, made it a daily ritual, as well as took some time in the evenings near the start to really build a plan and attach some feeling to it.

With nofap I don't feel that. I did in the past but now I'm so annoyed to even try because I know I will be back here again. I'm truly inspired by the heroes that can stay away for years on end. I want to be like them one day. I want to cut through my disillusionment and remain committed. I've tasted the benefits on nearly 2 month streaks, so I know they are real. I just need to break the habit and mindset that brings me back to PMO. I want my brain to get started on that problem and I will share with you guys what I find when I discover them.

This is a bit of a ramble post. So if anyone took the time to read it, thank you. And I wish you the best of luck on your own journey.