Always my fault?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Davinblake, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Davinblake

    Davinblake Fapstronaut

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    I will make an extremely philosophical and longly discussable argument as short as possible.
    When something bad/good happens to you, you could've always prevented it and made the situation in the way you prefered. This way of thinking blames only yourself for anything that happens, if something good does then you did something the right way, the same goes for the opposite.
    I have had this mentality for the past 2 years, it's extremely stressing but gets things done. Is this a right mentality? Should we all adopt it? Is it right to make it absolute? Is the gain from it valuable enough to overcome the energy and stress expense?
    You can answer another question, any of this, all of this, tell me about how your dog barks, or tell me your philosophy of life.
     
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  2. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    Eh, wondering if it's a somewhat egotistical mentality, as though the world revolves around you...
     
  3. Davinblake

    Davinblake Fapstronaut

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    Could be, but what I think is that, if you do not have that beautiful girl or that perfect job or those perfect shoes, is because you didn't realise something or you did and didn't act; ex. I get fired from my hospital job, not because I work badly but because my boss needs to place his son; If i was the best doctor of the city and stidied and worked hard enough to be that man then the could've not fired me, if i worked better my relations with the boss they would've fired somebody else. This is the way I see it, I actually believe I need some help from you guys
     
  4. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut
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    This kind of hindsight is meaningless. "If i was the best doctor of the city and stidied and worked hard enough to be that man then the could've not fired me" . If you were the best doctor in the city, you most likely wouldn't have even been there in the first place. The thing is you can't know how things could've gone if you were something else or done things otherwise. You can't know if you'd be in a better place or not. You're making these assumptions based on your current life which has no connection to these "what if's". You only need to focus on real life and what you can do now. The past is irrelevant, you can definitely learn from it but you can't change it so why would you even dwell on it? It is also delusional to think you would ever be better off in some other way, because there will always be problems with everything, no matter what. When something bad happens, you start thinking about how different things could've been, but it's not realistic to think that way, you just need to learn and grow from it.

    "This way of thinking blames only yourself for anything that happens, if something good does then you did something the right way, the same goes for the opposite. " This only applies to situations you have power over. You have to recognize if what happened was your choice or not. If it wasn't your choice, there's nothing to think about, it's just how it went. If it was your choice, did you make an effort in time to act? You did? Then again, there's nothing to dwell on. You know in your heart if you tried your best. If you didn't try your best, then yes that is on you. That is a choice you made and that is what brought you here. You can't say if it was the better or worse though because you don't know where you will end up tomorrow because of this choice. When you're in a particular situation you need to make the choice that you feel is the right one. If that doesn't bring you where you wanted, it doesn't matter. You made the choice you think was the best, you couldn't have known if it really was the best. I want to give some examples. You're driving your car and you hear a weird sound it's making. You make the conscious thought "is that something serious, should I get it checked out, am I gonna regret it later for not actually checking it out" . This is your choice now. By getting the car checked out you're making what feels to be the best choice. So you go do it right way. After that, you go to your home and see that your house has been robbed. The delusional, irrelevant thought would be "fuck only if I hadn't gone to check out the car, I could've maybe been able to prevent this". By how could've you known?? By making another conscious thought while hearing that sound on the road "maybe I should go back home to see if someone's robbing it instead" ? If you had a threat made to you by someone the previous night that you're gonna get robbed next time you're gone, the wise thing would've been to go back. But did this second thought actually pop in to your mind while you were driving, or just after being robbed? There's so many different outcomes, the only thing that matters is your conscious mind right NOW.
     
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  5. Davinblake

    Davinblake Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, the more opinions I get, the easier it is for me to change this mentality. I can surelg just stop doing it, but I believe the best way is understanding why is wrong and just modify it
     
  6. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

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    It's a pretty childish way to think.

    But while it's not ALWAYS your fault, sometimes it is. It's not black or white whether everything is your fault or not. It's most likely somewhere inbetween.

    Like your example about the doctor, maybe he could've done something more to prevent getting fired. But at the same maybe there was nothing he could've done because of things outside his control. The most you can do is try your best and learn from mistakes. Bad things and good things happen, that's life.
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  7. Woodcutter74

    Woodcutter74 Fapstronaut

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    What is important to realize that in life, there are some things you have no control on, while others you do. If what you were stating was a person should be more proactive instead of reactive, then yes I totally agree with you. There have been times we all acted like the victim, pitied ourselves, always blamed others and circumstances instead of seeing how we could have improved the situation.
     

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