I read all of your story and oh man...so many similarities to mine. I watched some weird types of porn over the last 1.5 - 2 years including sissy, gay, trans, gore, snuff, hentai, bestiality etc. which really fu***d up my personality, self-esteem and overall my all identity. I'm confused about my sexuality at this point thinking that I might be bisexual, but in reality I'm not into men or doing anything with one. I didn't have or used any sex toys like you, but at one point I wanted to and after a while I snapped to reality and thought logically. I don't want this and I will never do it. I had thoughts about being raped or being a female, but there were just thoughts and that's what will remain. It's weird because this happens for about 6 months only. And oh yeah, I'm 22 by the way. Because of porn and low self-esteem I didn't had sex or a girlfriend. I want to, but porn and what happened in the last 6 months has been a wall in front of me. I just want my old life back, my old self. I feel like an alien in my own body, it's very weird. I'll try to go 100 days hard mode till 28 of December and God I hope everything will at least turn into good. I became suicidal and my mental health is at a point break, so I need this change in my life...and if it will not happen...at least I know what ot do. Thank you for sharing this story!