Am I Addicted to Porn or Denying My Kink

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by plucpj, Jul 25, 2020.

  1. plucpj

    plucpj Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone,
    I have been mostly porn free since around May with two slip ups. But I am beginning to question whether I was addicted to porn in the first place or if I am denying my kink. I have always been into women that were well endowed in the chest, as long as I can remember that has been my thing. I has been my main source of sexual attraction and the porn I watched.

    For several years while I was still watching porn I had a girlfriend who was very busty, gorgeous, liked similar things as myself and in general was my dream girl. She had a few flaws but for the most part she was a really great person. We had great sex, I rarely had a problem getting it up and never got bored of her, we could go multiple times per day all weekend when I saw her.

    But I always had a nagging feeling that I was only with her because of her physical appearance because at the time I was still watching porn. I never felt especially emotionally connected to her and always felt like I could find someone better. At this time I was watching porn like twice a week and typically for multiple hours, always of women with huge chests. She knew I wanted to quit and I would occasionally talk with her about it but I was never able to.

    So in February I broke up with her and started the process of removing myself from porn, I was pretty successful and eventually met another girl that was not busty. At first I couldn't get it up for her but over time and with help from a blue pill we were able to have sex a few times. But twice now I have gone on benders looking at pictures of my ex and talking to her and even at one point watching porn again. This would leave me unable to have sex with the new girl for around 5 days until my sensitivity came back.

    My initial interpretation of this was that pictures of my ex are porn and desensitize my brain. But then again I was always able to get it up for her, just not the new girl. So am I just denying myself what I am attracted to, or has porn skewed my perception of attraction and a life with no porn will eventually heal this and allow me to date someone that is not extremely busty?

    Sorry for the long winded post, but would really like some feedback or any personal experience.
     
  2. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    Because you had ED problems with the other girl I would say P has at least escalated your "kink" to the point that its causing you problems. I think abstaining from P will solve your issue.
     
  3. plucpj

    plucpj Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, I agree and I shouldn't date someone only because it satisfies my escalated kink.
     

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