Am I Foolish

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Run_Like_Joseph_Did, Oct 25, 2018.

  1. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to go see this girl who I've been dating for a few weeks now. I'm very attracted to her and I wanted to show her appreciation. I thought about getting her flowers for her performance and for bothering to spend time with me. The more I think about it though the more foolish it sounds. I have a mentality on feelings that says that when you stick your neck out you get killed. I appreciate and am open to all advice, but I would most appreciate any female advice. Is it a bad idea?
     
  2. Karimtolstoi

    Karimtolstoi Fapstronaut

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    I think this would be interesting depending on the tastes of the girl. But basically if you want to seduce her and have her attention, you have to match her needs without asking directly what they are. For example, does she really need flowers to perform well? If not, surely offering her flowers woukd seem a little awkward.
    Also, I hate to say that but if you think to offer her flowers for "bothering to spend time" woth you is really a bad idea because it shows lack of self confidence.

    The results of your action finally will depend on the needs of that person but also on the thoughts you have internalised about this action.
     
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  3. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, giving her flowers is okay, but if youre doing that with an attitude "thank you for giving me attention" she will pick up on it and be less attracted. If youre doing something nice for her you must do it with no expectations, not dependent on outcome or previous favors.
     
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  4. Yeah that "thanks for giving me attention" mentality has ruined a relationship or two of mine in the past
     
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  5. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    Well I certainly don’t mean to come off as shallow with the “thank you for the time” comment but I guess you’re right. I don’t expect anything in return from this girl. If it comes off as cowardly and unconfident then I won’t do it.
    Well nobody needs any sort of gift but I just thought it would be a nice gesture. But, like I said, I’m not gonna do it if I come off as a coward
     
  6. That is very true
    Wow there is some huge self esteem isssues going on there.
     
  7. I would suggest you do the flowers thing only if you know the girl feels the same way you do. It seems that you are trying to please and impress this girl in the hopes that she will like you back. Don't get attached too quickly bro. Take your time and go with the flow. Ask her out again and make your intentions known. Then you will definitely know where you stand with her.
     
  8. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    So how would you suggest I do that properly without coming off like someone with uhh... self-esteem issues?
    Huge huh? I guess that’s true. I need to work on it. but then again, it’s hard to have self-esteem with women considering what I’ve done to them in my head.
     
  9. I mean maybe don't do it at all.... YET (This is just an alternate perspective) The idea is that you like this girl, but in the end you want her to want you and to "chase" you so that she can inevitable be with you and feel like she's winning just as much as you are... So if you come across as the pursuer then she won't feel the need to pursue you... Nah mean? Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing to do. SOMETIMES, it depends on the situation. You never want to come off as needy and insecure (even if its true, trust me I struggle with this too) because that will scare that girl away. You gotta trust your gut. But you also want to make sure that she feels appreciated as well... Balance.

    Maybe showing your appreciation can be as simple as taking her somewhere nice and paying for it. And making a small but true and impactful comment like "I haven't enjoyed myself like this in a long time". Being present with her will show your appreciation more than any gift.. But it doesn't run gifts out of the picture entirely... Talk to her and show her that you are genuinely enjoying yourself with eye contact. Body language and timing can speak volumes as well... Have you had sex with her yet? Circling back, if you JUST had sex with her and you want to ensure that she knows that you enjoy these moments with her by scrambling to get her a gift then (especially if you're questioning it yourself) it might not be the best idea because SHE will be able to read your body language.... You want to just be cool and be yourself, man. Thats all you can do.

    I am really really rooting for you here, man. Love is a beautiful thing! I wish I didn't fuck it up with my last girl 3 fucking weeks ago lmao aghhhh the freshness
     
  10. Also, this girl has no idea what you have thought of in your head, or what you are struggling with, unless you have told her. Regardless of whether you have told her or not, if you are respecting her in the moments that you are with her then she will know and appreciate it... Go easy on yourself :D
     
  11. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    By being authentic. Just tell her how you really feel about her. If you like her, tell her that you like her. If you want to spend more time with her, tell her that you want to spend more time with her. If you're interested in her and want to know her better, tell her that. If you're really serious about her and you feel like you might have something special together, tell her that. Don't hold anything back. The absolute worst thing that could happen is that she tells you she doesn't feel the same way that you do. If she doesn't, then at least you know. You won't be playing a guessing game anymore, won't be wringing your hands wondering whether approaching her is a good idea or not, won't be wondering whether you're "worth her time" or whatever. You'll be able to move on. Wrong place, wrong time.

    On the other hand, if you spill your heart out to her and she reciprocates the feeling, you both get exactly what you wanted and you'll be really glad you did.

    I think flowers are nice. They smell good, they show that you give a shit, and a lot of girls think they're really sweet. Just don't walk up to her and give her flowers and walk away wondering if she got the message. Don't just give her flowers and expect her to understand that you're really giving her your heart. Don't make her read between the lines and try to figure out why you made this kind gesture. If you do, you'll both be disappointed. You'll be left wondering why things are still so unclear, and she'll be left confused about why you're doing what you're doing. Give her the flowers and tell her that you gave them to her {because you like her, because you want to spend more time with her, because she's important to you}. The part in brackets can be replaced with whatever your true feelings for her are.

    EDIT: I'd leave out the part about her "being bothered to spend time with you". That doesn't make your intentions clear, it just shows that you doubt that someone like her would be interested in someone like you. If you truly believe that she's only spent time with you to be nice, and that you don't deserve to be with someone like her, then it's true.
     
  12. The first step in self esteem is to realize no one is perfect and your not the only one with problems ,forgive yourself and move on
     
  13. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    Nope and I don’t plan on it. That’s stuff is for the marriage bed. I do not expect nor want her to rush physical things that neither of us might be ready for. I’m lucky to have her company not her body. Also she’s 17
    But aren’t men supposed to be the pursuers? I’ve been giving myself a hard time with this girl cause I didn’t make the first move when we started

    I appreciate the support and advice btw. It helps to hear from the experienced.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
  14. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    Well to be honest I don’t think I deserve her. I’m not entitled to her company. If she doesn’t reciprocate my feelings and decides that someone else would be better for her, then she could totally do that.
     
  15. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    I'll reiterate: If you truly believe that, then it's true.

    I don't know what to tell you, dude. Confidence in yourself is really the only advice I can offer.

    And what makes you think she's entitled to yours? I don't really know much about you, admittedly, but I still get the sense that you're selling yourself a bit short here. Look, dude, nobody's perfect. Everyone has made mistakes. Everyone carries baggage. Everyone has stuff from their pasts that they're not proud of. We're all sinners (assuming you believe in sin). If you think that somehow makes you an unworthy partner, then everyone else is equally as unworthy as you are (including this girl you're planning on bringing flowers to). Good relationships are not built on the notion of whether or not you deserve to be with someone. Good relationships are built on the foundation of authenticity, honesty, trust, and respect. Respect is the one I think you're struggling with the most right now, but it's not a lack of respect for this girl. Rather, it's a lack of respect for yourself.
     
  16. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    You’re right. I’ve got to be more confident. The play is tomorrow night and I’ve been racking my brain over how to not act the fool. I really want to get her flowers because I am extremely attracted to her, I appreciate her, and I want to spend more time with her.Whether or not I’ll tell her those things... I’ll have to try.
     
  17. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Give her the free will of choosing what to do with your neck. It's her choice. All you can do is meet her halfway. Is she not worth the risk? If you want her to be a part of your life and to know who you really are as a person, you're going to have to get comfortable with the possibility of rejection and things not working out. Play to win (sharing, honest, bold, and daring). Don't play to not lose (self centered, fearful, cautious, and hesitant).

    You obviously want to give her flowers. So do it. That's who you are. That's what you desire. That's your self expression. That's your vulnerability. She can either take it or leave it.

    "Bothering to spend time with me." Word that a little better. "I've been enjoying our time together."

    Stop worrying whether or not she'll like what you do, what you say, or who you are. That's not in your control. You could manipulate and deceive her if you want, but you'll have to keep up that lie for the rest of your relationship together.

    Better to go too far with honesty than not far enough because of fear.
     
  18. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    Now we're talking. These are all things you should be telling her, not me. Do it, man. I have a feeling she'll be really happy you did.
     
  19. Run_Like_Joseph_Did

    Run_Like_Joseph_Did Fapstronaut

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    It’s at 7 tonight. I hope you know you’ve got me shaking I’m not sure she’ll be happy but I’m sure to get something out of it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2018
  20. Ridley

    Ridley Fapstronaut

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    You can do it! The shakiness is a good feeling.
     

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