Am I Foolish

Of course that sucks. It's painful to go through, sometimes extremely painful. It could bring you to tears. If you go through that sort of pain, let it happen to you. Move towards it, don't pull back. Resistance is futile. Cry your eyes out if that's what you feel like doing. On the other side of all that pain and hurt is personal growth.

If this girl rejects you (and you have to admit that you honestly have no idea whether she will or not), it's going to suck. It's going to hurt. However, if that happens, I encourage you to just let yourself feel that hurt for a little while. Really experience it and just soak it on up. Once you get through that, you'll realize there's a whole world out there, and that you will meet many different beautiful women in your life. In the long run, I think you will be grateful that she rejected you (if she even does at all. This girl might end up being your soul mate for all I know).

Don't be afraid of rejection. Rejection is closure. Rejection is liberation. Rejection is honesty. What more could you ask for?

 

No, of course not. I forgot, men don't cry, right?
/sarcasm

I'm not telling you that you should cry. I'm just saying that it's okay if you do, and that if that's your natural reaction to being rejected, you should just let it happen. Hell, that was my reaction the first few times I got rejected by beautiful women. I think that men in the western world are taught from a very young age that we are supposed to be strong, and for some reason we think strength means not showing any emotional response to anything.

Crying or not, my point is that being rejected is nothing to be afraid of. It might hurt you, it might make you feel lonely or empty, it might even make you cry or have some other emotional reaction. Whatever happens, my point is that the pain is a gateway to personal growth.

I'm totally in favor of you telling her about how you feel. As for the timing and setting, there's no clear answer I can give you about that. Personally, I think sooner is better, but trust your instincts. I understand about wanting privacy from other people. You want to be emotionally vulnerable with her, not with everyone else, so I get that. It's okay to be patient about these things, but I also hope you don't spend your whole life waiting for a perfect moment. There's never going to be a perfect moment. It's always going to feel a little scary, because there's always going to be the possibility that things don't work out the way you want them to.

What if it's too soon? What if there are people around? What if it's too much for her to handle? What if she doesn't think I'm respectful? What if she's not attracted to me? What if she finds out about my addiction and doesn't like me? What if she finds someone else she likes better? What if she feels like I'm dumping everything on her?

There are always going to be "what ifs". If you try to answer all of them before you tell her how you feel, you're going to be waiting a very long time. Just go for it when you feel like it's a good enough moment to tell her. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by how it ends up.

 

what beautiful women? I find women kinda ugly and unattractive. Especially ones who smoke and go to bars just to drink and be more social like little children. lol. Like I learned in an esl class. lol.

 

Nothing wrong with that. Everyone has different sexual preferences. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I can assure you there are many women out there who don't smoke or go to bars.

 

Sounds like a plan be kind to yourself, try to relax, accept your fate, and above all else, just be yourself.

 

That's exciting! Sounds like a nice time. I'm sure you'll both enjoy it.

 

In the defense of the advice I (and others) have given you here, your pastor probably has a lot more information to work with than we do. Your pastor has body language while we have only words, and he knows you on a personal level that we don't.

If you're feeling torn between the advice of a bunch of different people, just follow your heart. I know that might sound silly, but it's the best I can offer. Ultimately, I don't really believe there's any such thing as a "bad choice" in life. There are just the choices you make, and you deal with the consequences. Whatever you do with respect to your relationship with this girl, I'm sure it'll be just fine. Give yourself a break from all the stress and just try to enjoy things as they are