am i full of it

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by SimonBelmont, May 15, 2019.

  1. SimonBelmont

    SimonBelmont Fapstronaut

    I have not made it past 7 days often.

    the sexual unavailability of my wife is its own emotional stress that PMO relieves temporarily and incompletely.

    As I help my wife deal with her trauma by being silent on the sex thing esp. when she is sick, i get frustrated and hopeless that my efforts are not visibly bearing fruits. so them more PMO.

    Wife's trauma was the result of a bad mindset, faking enjoyment of sex for 7 years of our marriage. now if sex isnt initiated by her, the memories of the 7 years living in her body resurface and she cant emotionally handle that. she is also working through major depression.

    I am fairly certain that as the overall health of my wife imporves and good sex reprograms the muscle memory of her body and mine, the PMO will naturally fade away.

    it appears to me that my test is simply patience and perseverence. we are both doing everything we can for ourselves, but the stress on me has not been tolerable hence PMO whenever it seems the current dry spell will endure for longer. sex when she is healthy is around 1-2 times every two weeks.

    i feel so scummy and its always a two day binge when i fail.

    i dont know.
     
  2. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    It's a tough place to be. Good for you to be on here wanting to do better.

    My wife was depressed years ago for about 9-10 months, and it was a period where there was almost zero intimacy between us, physical and otherwise. It was difficult. Not doing PMO wasn't even on my radar back then, so I am sure I turned to that plenty to get me through.

    Does she know about your PMO?
     
  3. SimonBelmont

    SimonBelmont Fapstronaut

    she know it used to happen, but to protect her from burden, she thinks my best streak never ended.

    its not HER fault, so concealing my burden i feel is reasonable. and she happened to drop that a suicide attempt actually occurred without my knowledge last year. i feel i have no right to ask more than she told for the same reasons
     
  4. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    How long have you been in recovery? How long in PMO before that? Do you have APs? How do you block your access to P?
     
  5. SimonBelmont

    SimonBelmont Fapstronaut

    ive been trying to ditch thus habit since before i was married. ive been in PMO for about 24 years just about, trying to quite for at least 15 years.

    i have not made an attempt to block my own access to it
     
  6. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    I was in active addiction for 25 years. Been intentionally trying to recover for the last 6. I hid my PMO from my wife for 15 years. I confessed a few years ago; it was very scary to do. The things that have helped me the most in my recovery so far have been my AP group that I check in with daily and accountability software to help cut off my access to P.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  7. SimonBelmont

    SimonBelmont Fapstronaut

    i would like to join an active group
     
  8. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Well, I'm just one person, but I am active in the Christian group on here. They are a good community.

    if you need an AP, let me know!
     
  9. SimonBelmont

    SimonBelmont Fapstronaut

    the Muslim group didnt have enough people to be effective for a i guess a routine of venting. the longee i go the tastier all the ladies ar my work get and i swear it hurts not to look at them. and then it hurts to look at them...

    ill join whatever group
     
  10. Tao Jones

    Tao Jones Fapstronaut

    Shoot me a DM. Maybe we can start checking in with each other each day.
     

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