So with this post I am going to go into detail just to get this whole story straight. I’m 15 and have been watching normal straight porn and lesbian porn for about a year and a half I stopped watching porn around 3 weeks ago but have relapsed a couple times and my PIED is going away slowly but surely. After doing research on hocd I’ve realized that I’ve always had it, my first time realizing i had hocd was around 6th or seventh grade when I was playing waterpolo in the pool and played against a girls team I never saw their bodies because at the time I hadn’t started puberty and wasn’t interested in sex but I definitely found her face attractive, in the shower that night I thought “I can’t be gay because I really liked that girl” even though at the time I had never had a gay thought or attraction to anyone of the same sex. Around end of 7th grade my friend was making fun of this kid about him not knowing if he was gay or straight and I thought to myself jeez I wish I was confident that I was straight even though again I had never liked someone of the same sex. By ninth grade I was watching porn almost everyday (more than once a day) and was loving it and was very confident that I was straight and did not think about it much at all , but I’m health one day we had a unit on sexuality and this gay kid at my school talked about him coming out and his story and I then thought to myself well fuck I was so confident that I was straight and now that this kid talked about his story of being gay I’m afraid something like that might happen to me. I brushed that thought aside and didn’t think about it much after a couple days. I’m pretty sure I was in love that year with a girl I still think about to this day. Anyway around a month ago I stared to get PIED really bad(porn induced erectile disfuntion) and thought what the heck why am I not getting hard am I gay? So I looked at gay porn and saw no more than a little bit of rising at the end of my penis and I’ve been in a terrible head space ever since. I’ve aleays liked girls and have been turned on by girls what is going on with my me. I really don’t want to go into detail here but I fell this is kinda an important factor here, I’ve always like butt stuff as weird as it sounds sometimes while masturbating I get the urge to go in my butt as well(sorry). At first I was terrified of being gay absolutely horrified now I get sad .Most people with hocd said that they have “rituals” and I know exactly what they mean because I know that i have had them and only stopped doing them when I started to try to beat this hocd I’m pretty sure I have. Hocd treatment says to try to accept your thoughts and that’s what I have been doing and I’ve pretended to just be gay for like 5 minuetss and it doesn’t feel right but In my mind when I think about being gay I feel a little weird but not terrified, I’ve been thinking I’m bi and that just doesn’t seem like me. Has anyone been in this situation? Can I email someone personally about this ? Sorry it’s so long also
Am I gay Bi or straight. Bad hocd or in denial?
The Wrestler
Fapstronaut
Hey man! Glad you're here!
I really appreciate your taking the time to write this - what a well-thought post! You raise some really important questions and things that are going on in your life. Giving up porn is a really positive step, and hopefully it will drive other positive growth in your life!
I have not been in exactly the same situation as your questions, but hopefully I can provide some context to help you understand some things. Plus I figure one thought-out post deserves another.
Take a breath, here we go:
First, there is a LOT - like, a stupid lot - of pressure on men your age to "not be gay." Like...astronomical. Think of the time you've heard classmates say things like, "don't be a girl" or "that's so gay" or anything comparing a guy to a girl or anything homophobic. Sometimes it's overt, sometimes it's subtle. This makes a lot of teen overcompensate or disproportionately freak out about all things "gay." Right now I'm willing to bet $10 that one of the key issues/values/struggles you're thinking a lot about is fitting in and how you fit in. Being gay is usually painted as being "other" - not fitting in. So stop and think for a moment - what social or familial pressure is there for you to not be gay? Where does the fear of being gay come from?
Second, being gay is nbd. Some people like dudes. It's a thing.
Third, the porn you watch doesn't always match your sexual orientation or gender identity...it is possible for a heterosexual male to only be turned on by inflating rubber fetish gay bondage (don't look that up). It depends on how far down the porn rabbit hole you've fallen. With each "hit" of porn your brain needs a higher and dose to get the same release, which can lead you to different kinds of porn. The "Your brain on porn" ted talk explains it better than I can.
Fourth, sexual orientation is less like apples and oranges and more like a continuum -
Gay-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Straight
Some people are firmly on the gay side of things, others are decidedly hetero. And (and this may or may not apply to you) some people are somewhere in the middle. And this can even change depending on the situation one finds oneself - a little more hetero or homosexual in some circumstances than others.
Fifth, straight guys can be into butt stuff. Both theirs or their partner's or both. The prostate is a very sensitive organ, and stimulation to it as pressure through the perineum (between the testicles and anus) or directly through insertion (as far as I would assume, stimulating one's own prostate with one's fingers would be...awkward, thinking about the angles). But anal stimulation can be part of healthy, normal sex play in either a heterosexual or homosexual couple, as can anal sex. Let's be real: that whole area it filled with a lot of nerve endings that can be made to feel really, really good. Some of those are in your butt.
Six, wondering about this stuff is normal. I've wondered about it, I have friends who've wondered about it...even - and this was trippy to me when someone mentioned it to me, ten years after I was in highschool - girls wonder about it for themselves, too! I am convinced that everyone has, or will have, at some point in their life, asked some of the questions you're asking about their orientation. So I guess, either we're all weird or it is part of discovering who you are and growing up.
Or both.
I really appreciate your taking the time to write this - what a well-thought post! You raise some really important questions and things that are going on in your life. Giving up porn is a really positive step, and hopefully it will drive other positive growth in your life!
I have not been in exactly the same situation as your questions, but hopefully I can provide some context to help you understand some things. Plus I figure one thought-out post deserves another.
Take a breath, here we go:
First, there is a LOT - like, a stupid lot - of pressure on men your age to "not be gay." Like...astronomical. Think of the time you've heard classmates say things like, "don't be a girl" or "that's so gay" or anything comparing a guy to a girl or anything homophobic. Sometimes it's overt, sometimes it's subtle. This makes a lot of teen overcompensate or disproportionately freak out about all things "gay." Right now I'm willing to bet $10 that one of the key issues/values/struggles you're thinking a lot about is fitting in and how you fit in. Being gay is usually painted as being "other" - not fitting in. So stop and think for a moment - what social or familial pressure is there for you to not be gay? Where does the fear of being gay come from?
Second, being gay is nbd. Some people like dudes. It's a thing.
Third, the porn you watch doesn't always match your sexual orientation or gender identity...it is possible for a heterosexual male to only be turned on by inflating rubber fetish gay bondage (don't look that up). It depends on how far down the porn rabbit hole you've fallen. With each "hit" of porn your brain needs a higher and dose to get the same release, which can lead you to different kinds of porn. The "Your brain on porn" ted talk explains it better than I can.
Fourth, sexual orientation is less like apples and oranges and more like a continuum -
Gay-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Straight
Some people are firmly on the gay side of things, others are decidedly hetero. And (and this may or may not apply to you) some people are somewhere in the middle. And this can even change depending on the situation one finds oneself - a little more hetero or homosexual in some circumstances than others.
Fifth, straight guys can be into butt stuff. Both theirs or their partner's or both. The prostate is a very sensitive organ, and stimulation to it as pressure through the perineum (between the testicles and anus) or directly through insertion (as far as I would assume, stimulating one's own prostate with one's fingers would be...awkward, thinking about the angles). But anal stimulation can be part of healthy, normal sex play in either a heterosexual or homosexual couple, as can anal sex. Let's be real: that whole area it filled with a lot of nerve endings that can be made to feel really, really good. Some of those are in your butt.
Six, wondering about this stuff is normal. I've wondered about it, I have friends who've wondered about it...even - and this was trippy to me when someone mentioned it to me, ten years after I was in highschool - girls wonder about it for themselves, too! I am convinced that everyone has, or will have, at some point in their life, asked some of the questions you're asking about their orientation. So I guess, either we're all weird or it is part of discovering who you are and growing up.
Or both.
Protagoras
Fapstronaut
D
Deleted Account
Guest
Thanks for these amazing insightful and helpful posts. I shamefully share a lot of the same obsessions. Butt feels good. Straight? Gay? Bi?
D
Deleted Account
Guest
Hey,
Just one more welcome.
- L
Just one more welcome.
- L