Am I gay?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by MrAlkali, Jul 26, 2020.

  1. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    This is gonna be a long post so fair enough if you dont wanna read it.

    Ill start with a bit of backstory. Ever since i was a young age i had been obsessed with women and their bodies, from the age of 8 i would search of actresses naked and boos etc. on google. When I turned about 10-11 i found the lands of pornhub where i would spend days watching things then eventually within a week or two i started masturbating. And it was great, it was always to the girl and I watched an awful lot of lesbian, big boobed, big ass and so on and didnt take much notice of the man or the penis even though i knew it was there.

    Skip forward 4-5 years (now) i was still watching porn then poof, the question am I gay? or what if im gay? I should probably mention i experienced this for about a week almost a year back now but never really made a difference to my day to day life as it would i only hit at night times. I naturally quit porn and didnt watch again till i was scared that i wasnt getting an erection (must have been flatlining but had no clue was it was). I started watching again and within a couple weeks lockdown came along and the question came back. But this time all day, every day and feeling so real as if i want it so bad. It started off purely sexually and did my research and its most likely HOCD (i hope). I tried my best to quit it and after a couple of weeks I did. The thing that concerns me is i never got into gay porn. I watched a couple times, it didnt turn me on until the last time i tested myself on it when i think i got a boner but i cant completely remember. Now the sexual thoughts have mostly gone but it feels more real and emotional now. Ive seen posts where porn turned people gay and wanted to know if thats true? My mind tries to find every excuse to be gay. For example, i could be first gay person in youre family, it would be funnier, i would rather be my girlfriends gay bestfriend and that i would rather be with a man and have a family with him and so on. Its making me think this is what i want and now i dont even see a future with a girl when thats all i wanted a couple months ago. It seems more real and convincing than before. I dont want to be gay now but i fear i am in-denial. My thoughts make me feel that being with my girlfriend has made me realise even though our relationship was perfect until this came along, now i feel i should leave her. These thoughts make me feel that i am in love and have a crush on every man i see no matter how old or young they are.

    I should mention I am only 15 and havent seen many people experience this at a young age. I never got into gay porn like others did but I did love lesbian porn AN AWFUL LOT. I started pubity from such a young age, i think about 9 but my thoughts are making me think that porn has stopped my natural attraction, and that im pinned to being straight. I want to be straight cause ive only ever had crushes on girls. It feels like i dont even like girls now and makes me not even love them or their bodies, and maybe that im bored of them. I used to be obsessed with girls but now that these gay thoughts are here its as if i dont care. My mind makes me think i want to be gay as if i actually like it alot. It makes me feel i want to kiss all men, hug etc. I wouldnt care if i was gay and i know id be excepted but everytime i am around my family or girlfriend i feel i need to come out. I feel closeted.

    Am I gay?

    Im sure theres stuff ive missed out but im just scared and i feel so god damn gay and as if i like and want it. I cant see a future with a woman and i just want that back.
     
  2. Whatever you are you should never hate yourself or be ashamed of yourself. Maybe some other people can chime in, there are a lot of stories like yours here.
     
    The Mindful Metalhead and Candun like this.
  3. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    I forgot to mention i feel like a Freddy Mercury or Phillip Schofield case where im with a women but then turn gay and that scares me
     
  4. WaterNewt

    WaterNewt Fapstronaut

    I had the same thing when I was 14, and if you can look at a man and be like: Oh he is hot, cute, etc. then you are gay. Else you are not and it is the porn screwing with you
    I watched a lot of gay things like traps, shemale whatever. But I am not gay, I am not attracted to a man. The porn just made me aroused or something. Read up on Porn Induced Fetishes.

    Anyways, you are gay then whatever man. Live your life, life is good.
    ;)
     
  5. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    this makes me feel attracted to a man and that they are cute, when my hocd hits me and a look at a man it goes damn hes cute and you like that but it terrifies me
     
    WaterNewt likes this.
  6. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    If I had to bet I'd say its 100% P induced but who knows. Quitting P for a long period of time will reveal the answer.
     
  7. MrAlkali

    MrAlkali Fapstronaut

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    ever since quitting porn the sexual thoughts are gone but its more normal and emotional but i hate it so much
     
    WaterNewt likes this.
  8. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately its something you just have to work through. Healthy habits and talking about it help, but only so much. I experience mental side effects with abstaining that I hate as well.
     
    WaterNewt likes this.
  9. cresyhorse

    cresyhorse Fapstronaut

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    listen kid, you aren't gay. if you were gay you'd have a crush on boys ever since you were 6.

    you spent years watching porn, ofc it messes with your mind. your beain is still forming and watching girls get pounded a few times a day for years has an insane psychological effect on you.

    good news is, you're still young and your brain isn't done forming. definitely stop watching porn for at least 90 days.

    DO NOT TEST YOURSELF, that's the devil trying to make you fap again.

    when those hocd thoughts come in, don't fight them. just acknowledge them. for example imagine you're watching a train arrive at a station. you watch it come, acknowledge it and then you watch it go.

    good luck, dm me if you need help.
     
  10. healmyself321

    healmyself321 Fapstronaut

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    If you just watched some weird or gay or shemale or whatever po*nography but you are not having urges around mans,you dont look at em and fantasize,you dont flirt with them and things like that,I mean if you are into females but you watched some gay po*n than I wouldnt say that you are gay,its not rear that people who watched a lot of po*n start with some fetishes or gay/shemale things.And if you are not getting turn on by girls or you dont feel anything to them or something like that thats very possibly because you watched so many po*n.Best of luck!
     
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  11. Paramount

    Paramount Fapstronaut

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    You're at an age, where a lot of youngsters are confused about their sexuality. It's perfectly normal, and has always happened, and most youngsters grow out of it. The main difference now is that there is now relatively freely available hard core porn, which wasn't there when I was growing up. I would advise that you give up on hard core porn for a time. Give your mind the space and time to make your own mind up about your sexual orientation. It's probably going to be women, but your addiction to porn has given you more confusion about it, at a normally confused stage of life for most people anyway.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2020
  12. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

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    Just to echo some other sentiments already shared, its normal to be confused about your sexuality when you are young, porn spins your sexual compass especially when you are young, and if you are gay its not a big deal.

    My guess is that you aren't. My gay friends growing up and today weren't worried about if they were gay or not, they were worried about whether or not other people found out that they were gay.

    I can rattle off a short list of men I think are physically attractive, I've gotten my rocks off to shemale/trap/futa, and I am as straight as it gets. I can't stomach more than a few seconds of man on man action and I am endlessly trying to develop my ability to attract and relate to women.

    People like what they like. The bigger concerns in life don't have anything to do with sexual orientation. That'll get more obvious to you as the years go by.
     
    aterius1 likes this.
  13. Rando115

    Rando115 Fapstronaut

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    Emotions are not your truth. Never rely on them. They are as changing as a wind.
    The only proof that you're gay is emotions and mental chatter. That is confusion brother.

    I believe the brain has had enough of the porn you are used to. It's trying to create new reward pathways, and it's always something more shocking. Now the brain won't tell you you're seeking sth more shocking, otherwise you wouldn't give it it's dopamine dose.
    Now you are bent on experimenting. I'd rather you don't. This could be a critical point in your life, probably for the next decade.

    Exercise your will power and stand up to this emotional storm. Later, you many find it's the best decision you ever made.
    You are young and your decision-making rn is easily influenced. Be reflective, intentional, rational. All the best
     
    aterius1 likes this.
  14. aterius1

    aterius1 Fapstronaut

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    i have the same issue. Im 17 and ive already done a lot (a lot man) of gross things. Please, if anyone has beaten this, i need advice.
     
  15. Light201

    Light201 Fapstronaut

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    Porn/fapping can easily lead to becoming gay. Nothing happens by accident. If you look at your life for the cause of your homosexuality. It's either you were molested as a kid or you watched porn. And kept craving different shit. You get less of a dopamine high everytime you watch porn. You have to add in more wierd shit to get the same high.
    I have done porn since I was 11. I'm now 29 years old. Without being descriptive I would get gay thoughts sometimes. I never acted out on it. Thank goodness, probably would of got STD's.
    A very common thing with some people who are gay. Is at some time in their life they were molested. I have never been molested. But sadly the percentage of people that get molested as kids is very high.
    Hopefully stopping watching porn/fapping heals gay thoughts over time. At least that is what I hope for myself. As it's not me and not what I have ever wanted.
     
  16. Kathylystar

    Kathylystar Fapstronaut

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  17. Yoyo xx

    Yoyo xx Fapstronaut

    That is normal and natural confession in your sexual identity which is more often and expected ti teenagers so dont be afraid
    Then why you are not gay?
    Firstly because of that you are attracted to girls so ...
    Secondly there is nothing someone was straight became gay that is not what psychology say thr psychology say that people have gay tendencies from age 3_6
    So dont be afraid
     
  18. Rando115

    Rando115 Fapstronaut

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    Honest question. Are you gay?
     
  19. Damaged_Stoic

    Damaged_Stoic Fapstronaut

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    Hey Bro!

    I had the same thing happen to me when I was 15. The best thing to do is stop watching porn and don't go hunting on the internet for shit trying to get reassurance about your sexuality.

    I'm currently going through it again due to a hard relapse into porn.

    If you really were gay. It would have been no debate for you. You would have just known.

    On the topic of feeling emotions for men. This could be linked to false attraction. I urge you to research that as it is very common with people who suffer from intrusive thoughts related to sexual orientation.

    Puberty is a whacky time and your body is going through some radical changes. I urge you to quit porn immediately and you'll figure for yourself what you really are. Porn distorts reality.

    Best of luck : )
     
    Yoyo xx and aspiringwriter1997 like this.

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