Am I not enough for my fiance?

He has to want it. You can ask him, or tell him, you can express how much it hurts you, how much pain it is causing you, but he has to decide for himself. Reminding him will do nothing for a man that is not yet ready. Even if he stops he will still have the PMO mindset and likely be angry at you for making him stop. “I am only stopping because she threatened to leave me.” Some stop initially based on an ultimatum and come around to seeing that it is good for them as well, others don’t. As hard as this is whether he stops or not is beyond your control. You could ask him everyday or remind him, and he could still look at you and lie to your face, that’s what my ex did. Does it lower the chance of them doing it if you keep asking, for some maybe. But we are thinking with rational non addicted minds, addicted minds do not think that way. Many have to “stop” many times before they admit they are ready to full stop. It’s like alcoholism or drug addiction, relapses are the norm. The only thing you can control is when you stay and when you go. You can set boundaries and if he crosses them then you can leave. Believe me this lack of control is maddening, I know I have been there.

 

You are right that I think multiple failures can mean taking it more and more seriously. I dont think most people "get it, the first time. I mean I think he gets that it hurts you, but not how serious of a problem or is.

 

Hey @bluejay805
I was going through my old posts and remembered you'd commented on my thread (I also figured out what an SO is, lol). It doesn't look like you've been on recently, but I hope you and your SO are doing well. Best wishes.

P.S. just saw your post about walking away. I'm sorry to hear your SO wasn't ready to deal with his addiction, but I think you made the right call.

 

It’s funny you say that about playing semantics and trying to skirt rules because my ex did that and it drove me crazy. I have a very good memory so I know what was said and he would try to actually say we never had that conversation when I knew we had it 15 times. It was gaslighting at its best. Or I did not know what you meant? Or that you meant I never should watch porn again! Okay I’m not sure how agreeing to not watch porn again just means for a day but I’m going to fix this. I put it in a text and I spelled it out verbatim and made him respond yes I agree. He was playing games. I think if a man wants to quit he does not play games like that. Then he did quit but was angry as heck at me for “making him”.

 

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