Am I Paranoid or is this Gaslighting?

[rejected]

I was completely done with him after 10 years sexless. I gave him the ultimatum, porn or me and the pixels are more important. Went for our longest period apart, thought it was for good, until a family member stabbed me in the back in the most horrible way and I reached out to him. He's been through similar with his family. We've been back together for about four months. I'm not happy, I'm actually unable to feel happiness anymore. I can go out and do fun things. Go on cool trips and vacations, I do fun things, but none of it is any fun. My psychiatrist says this is anhedonia.

I have major depressive disorder and have constant suicidal thoughts. We were just discussing assisted suicide and I said I'm not about to do it right now, but probably in the future. The discussion was more focused on who are these people assisting you and what are their real intentions. He started to tell me how good I got it in life. Physical health, very comfortable situation, friends and family, pets. I just don't see having all these years without any life in them. It's pointless. What ended up getting pointed out, not my intention, but presented the perfect chance to say it, is his part in my depression, l'm living with a person who withholds love from me. This is abuse. His response is that he can't make me feel anything. That's not his fault. This conversation is abusive to him.

I'm not sure if I'm in a sound state of mind at the moment, and have no intention of acting out on my suicidal ideation at the moment. Please, if you don't answer, that part of this doesn't need to be addressed. It just had to be put into context.

I just want to know what an outsider thinks? Am I abusive? Either way, he's probably out of here today.

 

[Psalm27:1my light]

I was completely done with him after 10 years sexless. I gave him the ultimatum, porn or me and the pixels are more important. Went for our longest period apart, thought it was for good, until a family member stabbed me in the back in the most horrible way and I reached out to him. He's been through similar with his family. We've been back together for about four months. I'm not happy, I'm actually unable to feel happiness anymore. I can go out and do fun things. Go on cool trips and vacations, I do fun things, but none of it is any fun. My psychiatrist says this is anhedonia.

I have major depressive disorder and have constant suicidal thoughts. We were just discussing assisted suicide and I said I'm not about to do it right now, but probably in the future. The discussion was more focused on who are these people assisting you and what are their real intentions. He started to tell me how good I got it in life. Physical health, very comfortable situation, friends and family, pets. I just don't see having all these years without any life in them. It's pointless. What ended up getting pointed out, not my intention, but presented the perfect chance to say it, is his part in my depression, l'm living with a person who withholds love from me. This is abuse. His response is that he can't make me feel anything. That's not his fault. This conversation is abusive to him.

I'm not sure if I'm in a sound state of mind at the moment, and have no intention of acting out on my suicidal ideation at the moment. Please, if you don't answer, that part of this doesn't need to be addressed. It just had to be put into context.

I just want to know what an outsider thinks? Am I abusive? Either way, he's probably out of here today.

Are you asking if pointing out his part is in your depression is abusive? Talking about how someone’s actions have impacted you is not abusive. But, it doesn’t matter what he did to contribute you your present state. What matters is you taking control of your healing s r mental health. If he ran you over with a car, you can point out how he hurt you but you will have to go to the dr and get better on your own. He cannot do that for you.

 

[Sad_wife]

Are you asking if pointing out his part is in your depression is abusive? Talking about how someone’s actions have impacted you is not abusive. But, it doesn’t matter what he did to contribute you your present state. What matters is you taking control of your healing s r mental health. If he ran you over with a car, you can point out how he hurt you but you will have to go to the dr and get better on your own. He cannot do that for you.

I agree. It’s not abusive.

To the OP: He sounds like a narcissist. I can’t make you feel anything. Haha how many times have I heard that?! Oh my, I could be wrong… but Narcissist don’t feel as we feel. And they assume they are normal and everyone is the same as them… thus “I can’t make you feel anything “… so I recommend the book “Why does he do that?” It may be very enlightening. I know it was for me. You are not crazy. I understand things are dark. That’s what years of abuse does. I went through EMDR therapy for over a year… in talk therapy for 5 years now. I’m still not healed. In a dark spot myself. Not because on my abusive X but my current husband. Every time I think things are better another bomb drops. Please don’t act on your thoughts.