Am I screwed on hoping to recover if I'm in a sexual relationship I don't want to lose?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by itdoesntmatter12, Jul 7, 2018.

  1. itdoesntmatter12

    itdoesntmatter12 Fapstronaut

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    So I recently started dating someone who I very much want to be in a relationship with. I've learned that I likely have PIED from being single for the last years and masturbating to porn regularly. I'm currently in my early 30's and have been using porn regularly for a long time. My new romantic interest and I have had sex a few times, with a lot of difficulty on my part, and I found I basically had to think about my unrealistic sexual fantasies in order to achieve an erection. I had a lot of difficulty achieving / maintaining an erection though. I'm wondering if there's any hope for me if I totally abstain from porn but continue having sex with her multiple times a month? I've wanted to be with this girl for 10 years plus, and there's a lot of potential for something very serious here; I don't want to lose it. Additionally I don't ever get as hard or big as I used to either, I don't know if that's because of age, or if I can expect improvement there too?
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. LilD

    LilD Fapstronaut

    Most likely, NoFap will help you with PIED. I am in the same age range it definitely helps me. Of course, it's individual and depends on your porn usage frequency and intensity, as well as many other factors. I see some improvements after a few weeks of abstinence, but it's hard to tell since I have no proper way of testing it (I am a virgin), except for relapsing.

    Anyway, just try it. You'll see changes when they'll come.
     
  3. Tokenator27

    Tokenator27 Fapstronaut

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    If you're having trouble, there's a pretty good chance this woman you're seeing can feel it...and an even greater chance that she thinks she's the problem. Just be honest man, for both of yours' sake.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  4. itdoesntmatter12

    itdoesntmatter12 Fapstronaut

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    She's aware there's a problem, and I was honest about it, though she seems to disbelieve me that PIED is a real issue; that's not the problem. The problem is, there's no chance of making this relationship work if I can't give her sex for 90 days, so what I'm asking is, is it possible for me to recover by simply abstaining from porn and masturbation, but not orgasm via traditional vaginal intercourse, or is a reboot only effective from total abstinence INCLUDING normal sex?
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Yes!!!!!! This!! I’m a female who was there. You see spot on.
     
  6. itdoesntmatter12

    itdoesntmatter12 Fapstronaut

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    We met up for a few days recently as we live apart, and had sex several times during our time together. She's very attractive, and even wore sexy lingerie, but each time I had some difficulty achieving an erection initially, but once I got it going I was okay (mostly), but the first time we did it I couldn't reach orgasm. Obviously not wanting her to think it was her I told her that it was because I had been single for a few years and been used to only being by myself with porn, that had desensitized me, and also that my anxiety was high. I was comfortable telling her this because she masturbates to porn as well, but I still think she believes it's a problem with her because of the physiological differences between men and women she said "well I've never had that problem", meaning, porn hasn't desensitized her, but it just isn't the same for men and women, she doesn't need to get an erection obviously. So I did my best to make her understand at least.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2018
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    As someone who has been there I always thought it was me and it slowly killed my self esteem. It’s a woman’s nature to blame herself and we are schooled to be attractive to men. She will take it personally no matter what you say that’s why you have to fix it. Men with DE have very low relationship satisfaction in long term relationships. With my ex the only way he could O with me was to MO himself shut his eyes and tune me out it was horrible and made me feel disgusted. Overtime I associated sex with failure and being unattractive. I went from being a woman with a very high drive to never wanting sex at all. To top it off because it took so long for him to O and I did not have an hour to dedicate to it!

    My ex said the same thing that he was just single and would pmo a lot but while he was able to get the the point of Oing with my hand and mouth he could never O from sex and it lacked intimacy.

    I tell you this in the hopes that you will never go back to pmo. You must fix it or yes your partner will always be insecure and it will kill your sex life.
     
  8. itdoesntmatter12

    itdoesntmatter12 Fapstronaut

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    Well if I had ever been educated about the consequences before hand I would have never allowed it to get like this. I just thought what I was doing was harmless and that all men are using P to O. I just wonder if I have any chance of fixing it by just removing P and M while keeping O through normal sex.
     
  9. NuevaAmerican

    NuevaAmerican Fapstronaut

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    Yeah dude you can recover by keep having sex and removing P and M, it will just take longer. In the mean time if you can't get it up go to the doctors and get some E.D. meds.
     
  10. Kirby

    Kirby Fapstronaut

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    Have an asexual relationship
     
  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I know you had no idea if the consequences very few people do men or women. I thought it was totally normal as well. But the important thing is that you know now. You are young you have plenty of time to fix this and you will. It’s just going to take time a lot more than you want it to. And you may need to go hard mode no sex as well and your current relationship may not work out but in the scheme of your life the time you spend fixing this is nothing. It will pay off don’t give up. I also don’t recommend ED drugs they don’t work for DE they make it worse. There’s no quick fix .
     
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