Am I too far gone to be ‘normal’

Happens.
I feel the same.
Yesterday night itself I was thinking, why am I alive. Why I am like this, a disgrace to myself. Can't live up to my own expectations.

After I left my gf, things were even worse. She loves me like anything and would come back if I ask her. But I am no good to anyone. I was destroying her life as well.

But I still feel live for yourself. There is no such things that can't be achieved. One day, I'll rise above this and meet her back as a new man. As a clean man, who will handle her like a princess.

Reached 35th day of my nopmo and I am finding changes in myself. This is not the time to give up. After sometime that habit is going to give up on me and I'll be a new person.

You are not alone. Some can express and some can't. But we all have to rise one day. Start from today and by 90 days it'll be new year. And there is no better occassion to acquire a new habit.

 

I started at 10 too, idk how old you are but I'm 18 and I have the same worries as you. But I'm closing in on a 1 month streak and I'm seeing great progress. The lust thing sucks though, I am still having perveted sexual thoughts about women, but you have to train yourself to hate them.

 

There are some members who did it after 20+ years of pmo. It will take time, I myself have started at younger age than you mentioned, withdrawals are less, anxiety is still there but less than before. Things will get better after 3-4 months, but you need to stop PMO at once, fantacising itself can retard the progress. Minimise the materials you may browse + cut any fantasy. Don't lose hope, it will take sometime but it worths it!

Best of luck mate

 

Analyse the factors that trigger you, such as social media ? Some websites ? And when they trigger you ? For example one of my weak moments is when I wake up and my phone is next to me, or when I stay in bed for sometime, there my brain starts playing and fantacising. Then set a strategy to avoid all such moments.

Also social media, if it triggers you then avoid it, I found Instagram and Twitter extremely triggering websites. I removed my precious Instagram account xD but I never looked back, HONESTLY I FOUND LIFE BETTER WITHOUT THEM.

I would recommend blockers but unfortunately non of them works perfectly, but there are some methods to deal with that:
I am using Android phone, so some apps do trigger me, what I did is I kept important messaging apps that link me with my family and friends like whatsapp/messanger. And removed the rest of apps including Google play and The Browser so I never download them again. This has helped me to reach 30 days for the first time in my life. (Without root).
If you don't want to delete the browser, There are two good appblockers:
-Appblock
-Stay Focused App Block

They are good, but didn't work well with me because they failed in some cases.

About PC, setup Clearbrowsing DNS , and there is some extension called appblock(to block any url I want + pluckeye(to hide website images unless I accept) + extension locker), I listed all triggerring websites and blocked them, then locked the app and can't access it again.

This may not be the best solution, but it reduced the amount of triggers. Or you may setup clearbrwosing DNS on your router.

 

About fantacies; cutting a fantasy maybe hard at first but it will be easier later, once any thought come to you just cut it directly, vanish it, don't focus on it.

Another important thing to strengthen your mind against all such triggers and fantasies; is to keep reading about rebooting materials, that speak about healthy lifestyles and methods and techniques to stay away from pmo as well as the harms of this addiction on us. This is a kind of brainwashing which will brighten us against the Brainwashing that we kept filling our minds by fetishes and fantacies.

Although I don't read them much but these two points were a main reason to get me out of the relapsing cycle that stayed for 3+ years.

I recommend you to read from these two sources:-
www.yourbrainonporn.com
Rebooting as the best remedy - a rich book with nofap knowledge and techniques based on TCM and Buddist idiologies (you may skip what goes against your belief, the book is suitable for everyone).

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/6-years-clean-rebooting-as-the-best-remedy.135983/

 

You may find all such tips as too much, practice them gradually, take nofap as a lifestyle, practice what suits you but make sure that you are in control!

Good luck!

 

Yu may also consider learning/practicing meditation. It is a long-term run but will give you much more than just escaping lust fantasies. One of the basic techniques is just observing your thoughts passing by without actually let them touching you. But I wouldn’t really get into it without joining some curses – it’s very much like playing an instrument: self-education is possible if one has high predispositions, but the usual way is to learn with a teacher and practice a lot before arriving to first enjoyable music

As a first aid, you may just use the technique of consciously switching your thoughts to whatever different. The believers usually pray. If you are not the one, you may start solving a puzzle, making crazy future plans, think of ping elephants – whatever to make your mind busy for a while. The problem is that – in contrast to mediation – it can develop in compulsive behaviour in long-term perspective if abused. As I said, just a first aid if you feel your thoughts really overwhelming, bringing you to the border of resetting...

ps Just one possibility. There is no one size fits all technique… So as said:

 

For me, nopmo count is 35 days but I don't know when was the list time I watched porn.
Ther trigger comes when you are alone , so I stopped being alone.

Another is those urges comes at night when you see something on internet, for that I started watching the standup standup comedy. Which makes me laugh and when you are happy you don't think for those things and it gives you positive energy as well.
I no longer use Facebook. I log in once in a week for 5 minutes or so just to see any updates

"And yes I love her , today is her birthday"

 

Oh, and as you write

I want to add something.

Now I realize you may be seriously confused because of not going through your puberty without P. So not even experiencing your sexuality without P. Well, I am 39 and I am the lucky one lived without P for at least beginning of my teenage and also living in fair periods without PA in my live…

So the normal state is to have these sexual thoughts and I would consider you less healthy if you had not. Well, the frequency is may be too much but it is really hard to say because of the “norm” is what you would likely consider too much as well

Please keep in mind that your goal is not to get rid of these thoughts but to learn to accept them, stay with them and eventually even enjoy them. Please believe me that trying hard to get rid of those thoughts altogether and forever is one of many traps on this way that may finally lead you out of enjoyable healthy life (unless it is temporary for purpose or you are a severe terminal P-junky; which you really have to find yourself but do not accuse yourself too effortlessly).

Yes, sexuality is enjoyable. The problem of over-availability of P to men nowadays is that it squeezed this emotional joy into an actual emotional pain. It basically stole the joy from us! The good side of P – if any – is that we may have not noticed we even have this joy should not had been stolen from us…

There are all so many ways to hurt yourself and your beloved. Do not blame P from everything especially if you are still young (like 20-30)… Talk to your farther/grandpa/read books to learn all the s**t that happen to people and must be healed and forgiven…

Triggering one’s sexual feelings by normal everyday or art stimuli (like noticing girls, feeling emotionally – including sexually – touched by it, etc.) is normal and a part of full quality of healthy live. The normal state is to enjoy the feeling and accept the sexual energy it triggers. The healthy state is to learn to distinguish joy from dirty, which is a process that really starts in teenage and continues all the way to old age… P is not the only sin men can fall into in that process.

So do not try to get rid your everyday (every-minute so to say) sexual thoughts in the end of your NoFap journey. The only exception is if you really burned out your healthy circuits in your brain/soul. Then this important part of normal live is stolen from you forever. Many hopes it is not the case. Don’t give up!

 

Yes reddit is my only trigger nowadays, actually I need it so what I did is i blocked all nwsf pages that trigger me (took time but yeah i did it), using appblock extension. I used temporary email with long password so I never recover it.

 

I was about the same age when I started. We know that is a typical age to start, but like you, I could not stop. I have lived this sham my entire life. I made 2019 the year in which I decided to stop and I tell you, it hasn't got easier, but I must say it hasn't got harder either. I am suffering also with PIED and am married but we haven't had sex in years. I guess you are in your 20s or 30s. But you have got to get through this. You do not want to end up like me. I am 100% positive my life would've been much different (not better, mind you, but likely very different) if I took charge of the M and PMO at a much younger age.
The anxiety and stress is awful, but keep your brain focused on the kind of life you want. For all the anxiety I go through everyday now, I can at least say I am not living a lie anymore. I am sure a lot of guys here can tell you about ways to offset the stress. The only thing that has really worked for me is getting kind of angry at myself and telling myself no, no fucking way, was I ever going to submit to porn again. Keep that fire burning because the addiction loves to play with you. And if you relapse, don't feel sorry for yourself. Get up and resolve to work even harder.

 

I know what you mean. Healing is a long, difficult road with lots of curves and bumps. Take heart though. You are improving your life. Take care you got this!

 

dont make the perfect the enemy of the good.

any day you abstain is a good day, just take it one day at a time

once you have to get a job, your job will knock the piss out of you. you wil not be nervous you will wish you have nervous energy, work will drain any life out of your body and it must be healed and replenished everyday or you will go insane, have nervous collapse.

masturbation is DEADLY, if you cannot work some job day after day, month after month, year after year

if you can't fully recover from days work everyday and you build up a big enough deficit, you just go crazy, it lowers your consciousness to the point you cannot think