An addict has no idea what women want

I can't speak for women addicts,
But I'd like to offer some positive input for those interested.

Note* I believe sex is meant for one woman and one man in the context of marriage.

1. Sex is a conversation. As a woman, I don't care about it going a particular way. The more expected the less excited I am. That means, sometimes it's not great. Other times it's amazing! Why do I prefer this kind of sexual relationship? Because having sex is important to me, because I love the person I'm with. And being close to him is important to me. The highs would not be high without the lows. Much like our everyday. The honey moon doesn't last. No one can live on that kind of intensity forever, relationships would fail, work, school, family...much like how pmo users experience. That isn't the way life was meant to be lived. The fails are not forever, each day is new and exploring that with one person is the sexiest thing to me. Literally, faithfulness, commitment, that is hot TO ME.

2. Everything a man does to a woman in bed is not as astronomically pleasurable as portrayed in porn. Less is more. More foreplay is beautiful. Foreplay is not just in the bedroom, but in public. Holding my hand in the store, kissing me randomly in public, heck, my husband patting my butt on public is important to me. Why? Not even for sexual reasons, but because it tells me, "I see you". What makes the bedroom special I have to say is mostly what happens outside of it for a woman.

Almost like edging to me, but obviously this is healthy, it's how relationships are supposed to run and keep afloat and grow. It's good for self-esteem of the relationship. And it should and does take pressure off the man in the bedroom if anyone struggles. Performance is a small part of the conversation for a woman that is not an addict.

3. I said this already...but again. Honesty, trust, faithfulness are the sexie6things you can give to a woman. Never mind rock hard abs...I don't care. I told my husband I could fall deeply for a paraplegic if he truly truly had those virtues. A womans need for love is so strong that she will give so much of herself to have it. And once she has it, that loyalty is there to stay. I don't look at men in public, I don't even make eye contact or pay attention to if anyone is checking me out, because I don't care. I only want my husband. Which is why this had been so devastating to know how much lust has consumed him for his coworkers, porn, social media, etc. While I'm so sick I can't eat, he's wolfing down the best meals without a thought. Faithfulness is everything. Sacrifice is also attractive. The opposite of never denying yourself one pleasure is so disappointing. Excess is a turn off in every way for me.

4. Even is pied is a problem, the desire to fulfill me alone is special to me. Being discouraged or self-loathing is a turn off because it makes the conversation once again about yourself. Sometimes I feel as if I'm on my husband's show, it's about him and I'm just a guest appearance. How he feels, his anxiety, his childhood, his triggers, his desires, his struggles...sometimes I wonder where I fit in. No daily i wonder. Taking one day to stop talking about your childhood, confronting your manhood, taking my emotions(good and hideous) like a real man...that is what women want. Appreciate the emotional creature a woman is. Not in fantasy romance, but in raw ugly reality. See her.

5. Appreciate who your wife is sexually. Some women have a low sex drive. I cannot relate one iota and that's ok too. But whether it seems too little or too much, appreciate it. Find a way out of love for her. Sex is about giving yourself in vulnerability, so both are loving available, neither will feel misunderstood.

Anyways, that's what Ive reflected on reading these forums the last few weeks. Hope this is encouraging to couples starting over and rebuilding together.