An escort made me realise how bad it has got.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Tova321, Aug 1, 2020.

  1. Tova321

    Tova321 Fapstronaut

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    So I'm 27, and up until 2 days ago I was a virgin. After seeing my freinds get married at the weekend (something I really enjoyed), I got talking to a bridesmaid. She was pretty and we seemed to have a lot in common, we got on well and she added me on FB. So I waited a day and messaged her. She has seen it and not responded. I sent another message a little while afterwards and it's been ignored. This put me into a bit of a downward spiral because a relationship is all I've wanted since I was 16 when my last one ended and I've had a lot of ups and downs due to this. One thing that I think has been holding me back is being a virgin there was a lot of nerves about being with someone and then not knowing what to do, fear of rejection, finishing prematurely etc. So I figured what the heck, this is something I need to get out of the way. My virginity has become a hurdle I can't seem to get past in my own mind. So I booked an escort. I was understandably nervous, she was the most attractive person I could find. The experience was great in that I learned a lot about myself. I had fun and have come away happier knowing that I can have sex and I'm not too bad at it either. But there is one big problem. I couldn't finish. There I was with this beautiful woman doing everything within her power to help me orgasm and i didn't really feel all that much. The sex was a bit boring because of this and despite her best efforts I ended up having to finish myself off with a little help. So I came away from the experience and when I got home, I masturbated and I did so the next day and there were no problems finishing what so ever. Over these couple of days I've been googling to figure out how on earth I lasted 45mins on my first go. What I've come to realise is that I've been masturbating for the past 14 years in a way that is not achieved through normal sex. I'd seen stories about things like this and always dismissed it because I get so excited by porn how could the real thing not get me off. Actually it's quite different and i think it's completely warped my perspective on real sex. So after some more googling, here I am. I need to make a change, wish me luck!
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
    SaintShadow likes this.
  2. SaintShadow

    SaintShadow Fapstronaut

    Good Luck bro!!
     
  3. bamboleo

    bamboleo Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your story, you are one of many. One of the various harmful effects of Porn is not being able to enjoy real sex. You've experienced that. Also, Porn suggests a very primitive and also kind of violent view on Sex. Sex is not something one has to "conquer" in order to be a man. Sex should be a beautiful, colourful, loving story between two consenting human beings. I'm sorry about your suffering. But you've come to the right place. How do you feel about your experience with the escort now? Have you ever tried laying off Porn before you joined here? Do you have someone to talk about this stuff in real life? Please, be welcome, bro!!!
     
    again likes this.
  4. Tova321

    Tova321 Fapstronaut

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    I still don't see it as a bad experience (on the whole it was quite enjoyable), i've seen some people who have felt very depressed after doing the same thing but for me it's been liberating. It's a huge weight of my shoulders not having that Virgin tag anymore. I lied to my friends a number of years ago so they didn't think i was a virgin (they still don't know) so the weight on my shoulders has only ever been self inflicted but i feel more confident now than i have in years. I've never tried to have a break from porn before. i always figured i could stop whenever i wanted, i've never been the type of person to go 3 or 4 times a day so i thought i was fine. Since stopping however it's been quite a shock to realize i am actually addicted. I've had some experience with addiction before - i used to be addicted to Coca Cola (sounds daft i know), i couldn't help myself and i was drinking at least 1 litre a day. So for new year 2018/19 i completely cut it out of my life and January was hell. It was all i could think about, i was craving it (getting the shakes etc). Every time i walked into a shop it'd be the first thing i saw and every fiber of myself just wanted to reach out and take it. I can't really put into words how sobering and difficult that experience was. However, now i'm fine, i feel much better for giving it up and i have no intention of ever going back. So imagine my surprise when not 12 hours after declaring i was joining NoFap i had a familiar urge. I'm good - i've refrained from doing anything but i literally cannot stop thinking about it. I keep touching myself but that's as far as it's got. i see a picture of woman and the urge strikes again. i don't know what to do with my hands, i feel uncomfortable, on edge, shaky, all of the things that i felt when i gave up Coke so now i know i was definitely addicted. The issue is now i've got a bottle of coke in my pants anytime i want it. I will fight this and i will win but i didn't think it would be this difficult!
     

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