An introduction, and a question on how to move on from a bad thing

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by guitarjoe187, Nov 25, 2019.

  1. guitarjoe187

    guitarjoe187 Fapstronaut

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    Hey fellas. I am here for a multitude of reasons, mainly because I know I have sexual addiction, have been going to counseling for 5-6 years, have made a lot of progress, but still have a long way to go. I have several questions, but they are different enough that I feel they need completely different threads.

    Let me begin, firstly, by saying that my form of addiction is not as common, and so does not get posted about near as much. I hope others who suffer from it can see my postings and take help from them. What I struggled with, in various forms, was creepshotting and/or public voyeurism. I would take pictures and videos of women I deemed attractive, and masturbate to those. It was an intense high for me. I started in 8th grade, did it up through college, where recently I finally switched to a flipphone, and had my counselor block my camera. So that is good. However, the other part, which is what I am here to talk about, is the mutations it underwent over the years. It mutated into screenshotting snapchat pictures, instagram photos, and then into impersonating said screenshotted individuals and sending said pictures to strangers. I did not do that many times, but it made me feel awful, as it should. Later, as I was dating my girlfriend at the time, she sent me nude pictures. She wanted them kept private, obviously. For the entirety of the relationship, I did that. After we broke up (due to my addiction, in its form of screenshotting snapchat and insta photos and masturbating to them), I started getting crazy urges to act like I was her, and send those photos (either ones with her face not in them, or with it blocked out very well) to random people. I did so, a total of three times. Each time, I pretended to break down (due to my anxiety about the pictures getting out to public internet) and would plead with these people to delete the pictures. They said they had, but obviously I never knew for sure.

    Of all the things I have done, of all the acts I have committed, that one is the one that haunts me to this day. She had tattoos, so anyone that knows her would be able to identify her. She wanted them kept sfe, again, and I know if she found out about my actions, she would either (rightfully) kill me, beat me up, or get me put in jail. The accounts I sent the pictures to are all deleted or deactivated. But beyond that feeble measure, I have absolutely zero way of knowing her pictures aren't out there somewhere.

    I know I have issues, and problems, and that what I did was very, very, very wrong. I am still hurt by the wrongness of what I did, and because of what I mentioned above, I cannot forgive myself and fully move on from it. I have considered just telling her, but the people I have asked about that say that that is a terrible idea. However, I can not think of any way to move on from what I did, as there is no way to know that those actions won't come back and haunt me. If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

    For clarity, we dated for six months, a year and a half ago. I have not talked to her since early this year.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
  2. MillerGD

    MillerGD Fapstronaut

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    Telling her is a terrible terrible idea, people are right.
     
  3. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

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    I have done the same thing!
    There are more guys here who has done the same too.
    I didnt use ”nudes”, as there was always underwear or such, but its pretty much the same, as I would ”pretend to be her” just like you.
    Read my thread called ”Shared pictures of my gf”! https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/shared-pictures-of-my-gf.252380/

    Oh. And I told mine, because thats the only right thing to do. Today we are engaged.

    Feel free to send me a PM, we are about the same age too, this could be very helpful for the both of us!


    I never had her face in anything explicit, and I did it wayyy more than 3 times.
    Look, its not good thing to do, but you were young and dumb.

    You have realised yourself that its not right to so so, but the chances of those pics finding back to any of you are just so low.
    It would be different IF you had her face IN THE SAME pictures as her nude body, but as long as they were separated into different pics, then there is no way anyone could prove that its her, as long as those tatoos arent really odd and clearly tells that its her.

    I dont know about your ex, how she would feel about it now being your ex, but my gf didnt really care when I told her, she mentioned that it would be worse IF I had her face and body in the same picture, but I always would delete body from face, and face from body.
    She didnt feel hurt or anything, and I have talked to lots of girls telling me that they would feel the same, as long as their BFs would be honest about it.

    Maybe its a different thing to do this with a GF rather than an ex.
    I wouldnt bat an eye if my gf did the same to me, id be more creeped out by strangers taking creepshots outside.

    The internet is growing, im pretty sure your pictures are long forgotten by now.

    Feel free to read my thread or message me man!


    Edit:

    Try to figure out why you did those things.
    For me, realising with the help from my gf and a therapist, that I have been through lots of traumatic events (multipel sickness in family, extreme stress, financial insecurity etc) during the last 5 years, without being able to cope with it, leading to me doing this as a way to "escape" into a fantasy world kind of.


    Thing is, im not a weirdo, im a decent guy with lots of friends, i do a motorsport and I am pretty good, i have always been a tough guy on the outside. But you know, sooner or later the stress and trauma will catch up with you, and you either face it or flee. I tried to flee with my behaviour and porn, just like some do drugs.

    Wouldnt be suprised if you had some similar events in your past that you unconsiously tried to escape from
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
  4. guitarjoe187

    guitarjoe187 Fapstronaut

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    I agree, that is why I have not done it. Thank you for your input, kind stranger.
     
  5. guitarjoe187

    guitarjoe187 Fapstronaut

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    Well, in the pics I sent, some of them originally had her face in them, I just blocked it out with that photo-editing stuff, like basically drew over her face with the equivalent of a 'marker' and then made sure it couldn't be undone. There were other pics where her face just wasn't in them at all though too. The other thing is, is that her tattoos are pretty unique, and she had lots of them :/ so yeah. Yeah I've read your stuff, it's helpful to know that someone has dealt with what I have, and come out of it ok.
     
  6. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

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    About the editing thing, i believe i used the same, or simply cropped it out.
    I usually just had normal everyday pictures of her, but in the few explicit ones I always did cover her face/tattoos, either that or cropping them out.

    I suppose it cant be undone once it gets sent/uploaded as a .jpg, and IF it would be possible to undo the edit, i dont think soneone would.
    There are MILLIONS of nudes and worse online, yours are most likely long forgotten.
     

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