An Observation about P*rn Addiction

I am struggling with porn for years, but since this last year I've become more conscious about the "quitting->relapse->exhaustion->quitting..." cycle, and I would like to share my observation about it.

1. The first week of quitting is the hardest and most miserable part
2. after 2nd week I become more productive and my mind gradually become clear
3. Each of my longest-duration quitting phase lasted around 1 month and 20 days

3rd observation is critical one because it makes me realize that there is another dangerous and subtle period of quitting phase: Near the 6th week of abstinence, urges kick in again, and make me vulnerable to relapse. So I must be really careful and systematic in that period to successfully take control of my mind again.

The desire to quit p*rn is gradually decreasing over a month for me, to the point where I can act on my urges over a slightest discomfort or stress.

I think that the clarity of mind between 2-6 weeks of abstinence is somewhat of an illusion, I shouldn't have believed it and count it as a big success.

I have also a few observation I would like to mention about relapse and exhaustion cycle, but before let me clarify what I mean by exhaustion. Exhaustion is simply consuming porn compulsively and gradually to the point where one cannot function properly.

4. Relapsing after a long abstinence period is sure demotivating but it doesn't mean that it is a complete setback
5. After this first relapse, however, mind craves for p*rn, and this is very dangerous especially when considering you no longer have the initial level of motivation to quit porn
6. For me, I always fall to this rabbit hole and drive myself to exhaustion phase, which takes a month or two, after which I become completely numb.

Key Takeaways: Pass these checkpoints (1st week and 6th week)
if relapse once than be very systematic in your behaviors for at least a week. To be systematic, for example, you might consider creating a whatsapp group with only yourself and write there the instructions to proceed, but use it mindfully and try not to disobey your instructions to yourself.
 
What else have you noticed? My biggest problem is that urges either get stronger on a streak or dissapear. Its hard to get past a few days most of the time
 
What else have you noticed? My biggest problem is that urges either get stronger on a streak or dissapear. Its hard to get past a few days most of the time
First few days are indeed very hard and it is important to be aware that your brain constantly tries pulling you back to binging p*rn cycle. Each time I pass this 1 week threshold I make some sort of change in my day-to-day routines. It is really important to find something else to think about other than porn in these first few days, and this can be accomplished by variety of activities. I'd say you need to reflect on the possible activities that both you'd like to and it is possible to do.

You initially don't want to do anything, and I know that feeling. But it is my observation that if you just start doing something that keeps you busy, you will become more energetic and motivated through time.

One possible and most effective solution is to immerse yourself in places where you cannot masturbate. There are other techniques such as talking to yourself when urges become too powerful, this self-talking should be very conscious and you need to remind yourself with "actual words" how p*rn makes you miserable and reminding yourself how more wonderful your life would be if you quit it, any conscious activity will help diminishing the urges.

There is this other technique where you find some standart rubber band, and put it to your wrist, then, whenever unwanted thoughts come through, you pull this band and it recoils and cause little pain in your wrist. But I don't really know if this is really that effective.

Lastly, you need to observe yourself by asking questions like: "when/where I binge on p*rn and masturbate last time?", "What was I doing before starting to masturbate?", If you identify the triggers and events that lead you to masturbate, you can be more aware of this cycle, and may be one step closer to break it.
 
I am struggling with porn for years, but since this last year I've become more conscious about the "quitting->relapse->exhaustion->quitting..." cycle, and I would like to share my observation about it.

1. The first week of quitting is the hardest and most miserable part
2. after 2nd week I become more productive and my mind gradually become clear
3. Each of my longest-duration quitting phase lasted around 1 month and 20 days

3rd observation is critical one because it makes me realize that there is another dangerous and subtle period of quitting phase: Near the 6th week of abstinence, urges kick in again, and make me vulnerable to relapse. So I must be really careful and systematic in that period to successfully take control of my mind again.

The desire to quit p*rn is gradually decreasing over a month for me, to the point where I can act on my urges over a slightest discomfort or stress.

I think that the clarity of mind between 2-6 weeks of abstinence is somewhat of an illusion, I shouldn't have believed it and count it as a big success.

I have also a few observation I would like to mention about relapse and exhaustion cycle, but before let me clarify what I mean by exhaustion. Exhaustion is simply consuming porn compulsively and gradually to the point where one cannot function properly.

4. Relapsing after a long abstinence period is sure demotivating but it doesn't mean that it is a complete setback
5. After this first relapse, however, mind craves for p*rn, and this is very dangerous especially when considering you no longer have the initial level of motivation to quit porn
6. For me, I always fall to this rabbit hole and drive myself to exhaustion phase, which takes a month or two, after which I become completely numb.

Key Takeaways: Pass these checkpoints (1st week and 6th week)
if relapse once than be very systematic in your behaviors for at least a week. To be systematic, for example, you might consider creating a whatsapp group with only yourself and write there the instructions to proceed, but use it mindfully and try not to disobey your instructions to yourself.

Great observations. This is really the benefit of journaling in recovery. A game changer for me as well. Keep it up!
 
Thanks so much guys for the journals and the wisdom.

When I first started my NoFap journey, I did not bother to be a part of the forums and to read people's journals. This was a mistake and I learnt my lesson.

My journey on NoFap has taught me a few things, particularly about the vicious cycle of quiting pornography and then giving in to the urge to use Pornography again. Originally, I could last months but eventually the counter dropped down to days. It was the most frustrating and frightening experience of my life.

This is the problem --

Alot of people (including myself) focus our energies on the outside behavior (resist the urge to use pornography and masturbate). Logically, it makes sense. If watching pornography and masturbation is bad then all I have to do is consciously decide not to watch pornography and masturbation. Issy, peesy, lemon squeezy. Not! The biggest issue (in my NoFap experience and with others on these forums) is relapsing -- giving in to the urges despite our conscious decisions.

Ony recently, by God's grace, have I come to realize why we keep relapsing.

Most people keep living their lives on the surface conscious level (the level of conscious decision making) not realizing that there a whole bunch of beliefs and mindsets in the unconscious that also influence our behavior. Scripture asks us 'Clean the inside of the cup and platter as well as the outside (Matthew 23) We often ignore the impact of these bad beliefs and mindsets deep down in our unconscious that drive us to do things that are often contradictory to our conscious decisions.

Let me give you an example (very similar to the OP) I decide consciously not to watch Pornography and Masturbation. I have a lot of motivation in the first few days or months but after a while, I can always tell that I am going to look at Pornography or Masturbate. It was like I was two completely different people. One is who I consciously decide to be and then there is the other guy who loves to revel like a pig in pornography and masturbation. But there is no other guy. One of the most important lessons is realizing that this not some other person but rather me - albeit on an unconscious level.

The key is understanding the mindsets, beliefs that are driving the unconscious decisions and working to clean them. That is why triggers matter -- in my understanding, these are outside events that activate the unconscious decisions to kick in. I always masturbate or use pornography when I am disappointed in myself. The disappointment causes me to say or think horrible things about myself all of which is just a symptom of one simple thing -- self-hatred or a lack of love in my life.

In my experience, this is the number one cause of addiction -- a lack of genuine love. I have always used Porn as a way to feel good about myself and fill the emptiness in my heart. That emptiness can only be filled by doing two things -- genuinely loving others and being loved in turn.

In my case, I found the most success in believing in Jesus Christ and trying to be a good Christian.

The trigger reveals the hidden unconscious belief. So for instance --

I consciously decide to not look at Pornography and Masturbate. A trigger comes which reveals to me what the unconscious belief is -- in my case, I hate myself and Pornography / Masturbation are the only things that bring me some kind of happiness. We all know that this is a lie. So I replace the bad beliefs with actions that will create a new one -- Loving others and being loved in turn. Finding some other healthier way to experience and give joy.

Thank the Lord God for the trigger. Use it to help you recognize the bad beliefs which don't serve you. Then work to replace them with actual truths.

Our modern society wants us to believe that truth is subjective. This is the most destructive lie on the planet. There is a singular truth.

Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins and rose again on the third day. Take your sins to Him and He will heal you. I am not saying that there won't be work -- This has been a hard struggle but I have had more success with Christ than with anything else. I was the biggest believer in our western, secular ideals but they ignored so much. I am not the best of Christians but the results speak for themselves. I have only had real success in this matter when I started believing in the Lord God.

I know this post is long and I have posted this on other people's forums but I am only sharing what is working for me.

No human being is completely 100% right. So don't hesitate to ask and do your own research.

Bibliography
Matthew 23, KJV
Maps of Meaning - Jordan Petersen
Gabor Mate on Addiction
 
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