An Old Secret About Me ,That I say!

ermia

ermia

Fapstronaut
Hi Triggers Warning
I have a old secret m when i was 16 old.
I had a classmate that he had a friend.One day my classmate told me that we could go to his friend home and we had been sex with together.(gay)
I was very horny and I couldn't get a g/f and I agreed Reluctantly.
we went to his friend's hose and he deceived me and he raped me (But he did not hit me, he just fell on my buttocks and ejaculate himself.And then he wouldn't let me do anything with him.)
I was devastated and felt deeply ashamed, defeated and miserable, and this has been with me for many years.:(:(
after this story , I start Masturbate much more than before and he laughed and annoyed me every time he saw me.
and i Masturbated and i imagine that i f** him.
after 6 month later i find a very attractive things that relax me from this torment.
i masturbated with porn and i felt that all women and girl in porn for me and i could be Fu**ed all off them.

i masterbuted all day and some days I did it six times.
I yet angry and I still feel defeated and I do not know how to get rid of it, even though twenty years have passed since then.
thank you for your way...
 
Hi @ermia and welcome to NoFap. I do hope the past has lost its power over you and it is nothing but a memory without any guilt or shame involved today, 20 years later. I hope you are doing fine today and that you stay strong.
 
I better that yesterday.
I think my past was past , good or bad.
revenge , anger causes chaos and stimulates the mind for dopamine to calm down.
I took revenge on that person many times in my dreams and beat him.:)
 
Glad you are better today than you were yesterday. Past is past and the good thing is it's over :) Traumatic stuff happens and our job is then to leave it behind. What for? Cause past then we got hurt by someone else. But keeping the memories burning in hate and anger today we hurt ourselves. So, we better stop hurting ourselves. Btw, you used the word gay. It is known that men have sex with men and they are not gay. And rape is definitely not gay, nor hetero. A man raping a woman, a woman abusing a man, a man raping a man, woman raping woman ... that is rape. I would say. Gay is more than sex. Being really gay involves love.
 
kammaSati said:
Gay is more than sex. Being really gay involves love.
Click to expand...
Thank U

I hate gay completely, gay is abnormal because The anus is for removing waste products from the body and not for the pe*is to enter it. This is a completely scientific sentence.
 
ermia said:
Thank U

I hate gay completely, gay is abnormal because The anus is for removing waste products from the body and not for the pe*is to enter it. This is a completely scientific sentence.
Click to expand...
Maybe, but you know gay is not about sex only. And two men do not always have anal sex. I know gays they don't like anal sex. AND: I KNOW STRAIGHT COUPLES THEY LOVE ANAL SEX :) What's the point of that: Anal sex is not explicitly gay sex. And gay is not about sex only. Gay is love, gay couples live a life like straight people do. They work, take responsibility, pay taxes, shop for groceries, use public transport, go on vacation etc ... It seems you have a totally wrong image of what is gay.
 
kammaSati said:
Maybe, but you know gay is not about sex only. And two men do not always have anal sex. I know gays they don't like anal sex. AND: I KNOW STRAIGHT COUPLES THEY LOVE ANAL SEX :) What's the point of that: Anal sex is not explicitly gay sex. And gay is not about sex only. Gay is love, gay couples live a life like straight people do. They work, take responsibility, pay taxes, shop for groceries, use public transport, go on vacation etc ... It seems you have a totally wrong image of what is gay.
Click to expand...

yes , Btw anal sex is bad ,Whether a man and a woman or two men.

I have a friend with whom I travel and we spend most of our time together, but there is no sexual motivation between us.
If you mean, this is not gay, it becomes a close friend.
 
Yes, you are friends it seems, which is nice. And speaking of "bad sex", we better make sure we get out of our addiction before we judge others.
 
ermia said:
trigger warning!
https://www.webmd.com/sex/anal-sex-health-concerns
Click to expand...
That’s not science but an interesting article, thank you. She points out the risks and gives tips. She mentions using lubricant and a condom and cutting nails if the lady is using her fingers when stimulating and penetrating her boyfriend’s anus … that is very wise.

“An estimated 90% of men who have sex with men and as many as 5% to 10% of sexually active women have anal intercourse.”
What I find very accurate is, she is not using the word gay here but instead says “men who have sex with men.” As I said: Anal sex is not explicitly gay. It’s a sexual activity regardless any orientation.

Look, you may not like it, you may not agree with anal sex, which is fine, you don’t have to. But don’t get confused and start blaming and judging then call it science. We better focus on our recovery and how to overcome our porn/masturbate/sex addiction and live a happy life.
 
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if you love anal sex, that's OK too, but At best, its profits and losses are the same.
i agree with you about this ""We better focus on our recovery and how to overcome our porn/masturbate/sex addiction and live a happy life.""
 
ermia said:
if you love anal sex, that's OK too, but At best, its profits and losses are the same.
i agree with you about this ""We better focus on our recovery and how to overcome our porn/masturbate/sex addiction and live a happy life.""
Click to expand...
I didn't say I love it ... I just said anal sex does not define being gay and that some people regardless their orientation do it, enjoy it. And that I am not the one to judge whether that is bad or good cause I have enough to deal with myself others would call bad :)
 
I understand that you say,
you say anal sex is not gay Necessarily and any man It is possible do anal sex with woman or man... I agree ...
But I just told my comment about gay and anal sex , i did not Judge my friend...:emoji_nerd:
 
ermia said:
I understand that you say,
you say anal sex is not gay Necessarily and any man It is possible do anal sex with woman or man... I agree ...
But I just told my comment about gay and anal sex , i did not Judge my friend...:emoji_nerd:
Click to expand...
Could it be that what happened to you gave you the impression being gay was bad?
 
ermia said:
Hi Triggers Warning
I have a old secret m when i was 16 old.
I had a classmate that he had a friend.One day my classmate told me that we could go to his friend home and we had been sex with together.(gay)
I was very horny and I couldn't get a g/f and I agreed Reluctantly.
we went to his friend's hose and he deceived me and he raped me (But he did not hit me, he just fell on my buttocks and ejaculate himself.And then he wouldn't let me do anything with him.)
I was devastated and felt deeply ashamed, defeated and miserable, and this has been with me for many years.:(:(
after this story , I start Masturbate much more than before and he laughed and annoyed me every time he saw me.
and i Masturbated and i imagine that i f** him.
after 6 month later i find a very attractive things that relax me from this torment.
i masturbated with porn and i felt that all women and girl in porn for me and i could be Fu**ed all off them.

i masterbuted all day and some days I did it six times.
I yet angry and I still feel defeated and I do not know how to get rid of it, even though twenty years have passed since then.
thank you for your way...
Click to expand...
https://images.app.goo.gl/xyN8Tnxq2m8rCqiWA
 
Spontifex said:
Could it be that what happened to you gave you the impression being gay was bad?
Click to expand...
NO,
I did sex with boy because, i had not able to connect with girls and i was embarrassed and I couldn't talk to girls.
for me gay(especially anal sex or sex) is very terrible and every time I remember the memories of that time, I feel nauseous. At the same time, I felt nauseous and only high sexual pressure caused it. Interestingly, I never had anal intercourse, which meant entering the anus, and I only masturbated on the as*. I don't like this.
I think every man just must be sex only with woman.
 
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