An SO journal section?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by SpouseofPA, Jan 5, 2018.

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  1. LizzyBlanca

    LizzyBlanca Fapstronaut

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    Yes, there are many, many locations on this forum for journals for addicts in different age groups and such. There isn't any place specifically on this forum for journals for spouses. It may be a good idea to have "married to an addict" and "partner of an addict" --- b/c marriage poses another layer of betrayal (broken wedding vows). Then, there is the legal aspect of marriage --- if a wife of an addict wants out of the relationship, it's that much more complicated, b/c marriage is a legal partnership.

    I "get" what this forum was created for --- it was created for porn addicts trying to quit porn (or stay clean from porn) b/c it's a problem affecting so many porn users. At time, to me, though, it's just one more reminder of how few resources there are for wives of sex/porn addicts --- whether it's trained counselors, groups, etc.

    Many of these porn/sex addicts have partners or wives and we are pushed to the side and ignored. Several of the counselors (recognized names in the field) have been trying to bring awareness to this problem --- lack of training and support for the partner/wife w/o automatically declaring that they are a co-addict. OY

    There are some paid & confidential websites for wives/partners, though, and frankly, that's a bit more safe for me from an emotional standpoint.
     
  2. WantsToBelieve

    WantsToBelieve Fapstronaut

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    I think it would be great for organization. As so many of us have journals, but they often are buried by random question threads and such. Not that I think that's a huge deal, as I can usually find the journals I'm looking for with the search tool.
    I think it's great that there's a private place in the SOS group section for anyone who wants theirs private.

    I do think the journals being in the relationship reboot or partner support sections might contribute to some of the drama that goes on sometimes.
    Because in journals, we're not always asking for advice or input. We're just spewing our thoughts to get them out.
    And some people give unsolicited advice. Not that it's a huge issue, unless things get heated, which they do sometimes.
    But I think a specific section might be good, especially if it's stated in the beginning a definition of what a journal means.
    That unless someone is asking for advice or input, not to give it. Offer support but don't be rude or tell someone what you think they should do before they've asked.

    I hope that made sense.
     
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  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    I second this!
     
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  4. LizzyBlanca

    LizzyBlanca Fapstronaut

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    It did!

    I would add --- don't "call out" people by name with sarcasm or snarky comments as it's not helpful. The forum guidelines state this. (That this is a place of support.)
     
  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Would a SO journal platform have rules?

    Like, for instance not being referred to out of context?
    Simpler..
    "Journals stay journals?"

    For example -
    I was having a internal dialog in my journal since last Thursday about work and it was completely misconstrued this weekend somewhere else and ridiculed by many people who did not bother to read back that far.
    (not trying to beat a dead horse, but I do want to make a point)

    I also think that pulling someone's thoughts out of a journal without the proper context is inappropriate, especially when SOs have many more feelings than the PAs.
    We are hurting and having wider (sometimes wilder) emotions in general.

    Our journals should be free expressions of our journeys so people can read and learn.

    Every thing effects us.
    Our kids
    Our PAs
    Our job
    Our home
    Our environment..( Like triggers.)
    Lots of us (not myself, I journal daily)
    Journal Only to vent!

    If this had happened to someone newer.. this could have possibly scared away a person needing help.
    She could have felt completely victimized.
    Nobody who is a regular poster would like this if it had happened to them.
    Think about all the things we put in our journals.

    If there will be some sort of heading/Bulletin making a line of etiquette because I understand we all are often emotional here (as can be expected with betrayal trauma and PTSD, etc ),
    I'm for it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2018
  6. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I also think a line of etiquette would be helpful for visitors, like PAs, who might handle the SOs Journals with more care then.
    Especially the new PAs who can be quite brass.
     
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  7. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    i think common curtsy should be used.
    If you have good advice, positive advice, or advice to make them think for someone in a situation it would be beneficial to let them know. possibly even ask them if can lend advice. or PM them

    i would want a public journal because i would want people to be able to lend their advice and say hey here something you could do instead or whatever.
    I just don't think they belong in the middle of advice forums they need their own section
    i think a great way to help with the the journal thing is is if a rule is that you must state when you start your journal if any and all advice is welcome.
    or even simpler, if you know you are posting a hot journal page (meaning controversial, opinionated etc) you must state No Advice is Welcome.or something like that.
     
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  8. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    yup made sense and i agree
     
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  9. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I thought common courtesy was a given already...
    And my journal specifically, I do put when I'm emotional.
    It says things like Trigger or Rant.
    I've even stated No Comments Please on certain posts.
    I Do disclaimer my feelings for others.
    Even on the beforementioned date.
    So now, since this has happened I'm specifically asking if we are disregarding such things as other people's feelings even when things are stated in the post, why not make it a rule?
    So this doesn't happen to someone else
     
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  10. Yes agree on courtesy. If someone’s emotional or moody they could take something out of context. It would be courteous/helpful to say *no comments please* or *only comment if you agree*. As I’ve seen before. That way we aren’t uncessarily rude or nasty to people who are only trying to give other perspectives or help. If you don’t want that just be clear upfront. Just my 2 cents ;).
     
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  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Right... But even so, my other comment /concern is will the journals be left in the journal section?
    Because even stating you were moody does not stop people from reproducing the journal elsewhere out of context.

    That's my question.
    On journals etiquette.
    Otherwise, outside of "easier finding" it doesn't seem that much different.
    (to me)

    Personally, I thought the SOs should have lots of things in their section, even APs (buddies for extra support) and I've brought this up before.

    So I fully support this quest @SpouseofPA
    But if it's just going to get complicated and not actually be a improvement, or give the SOs the extra journal support I've heard others, and now myself speak of, I'm OK with the current format as is.
    But thank you for the offer.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2018
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  12. I like the separate tab idea. It’s true the journals get lost in other threads. IMO
     
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  13. starrieeyes

    starrieeyes Fapstronaut

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  14. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

  15. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

  16. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

  17. Torn

    Torn Fapstronaut

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    I think this is an excellent idea and responded to the quoted post where you asked the admins. Thank you, @SpouseofPA!
     
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  18. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    I’m totally all for it!
     
  19. lovebug_km

    lovebug_km Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for taking forever to respond but I'm super down with this
     
  20. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    OUR NEW SECTION IS MADE!!!!!!!! :)
     
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