Analysis of causes of relapses

Awakened & Aware · Sep 11, 2018

Experienced people probably know this, but I realised the following recently - in last 1 to 2 years of my 15+ year old struggle against PMO:

Cause 1: Majority of my relapses started with "anxiousness/frustration in other areas of work/life", rather than temptations. Basically using PMO as escape route. My current approach to this is... be patient during the frustrations... and not buy the brains logic that indulging in PMO would help me avoid the frustrating situation. I have to convince myself that even if the worst happens in life (eg failure in work), avoiding PMO will give me better life in long term, and current success can be sacrificed for it.

Cause 2: "Boredom" and habit of "just doing it" when I am alone (this habit perhaps stems from the fact that during adolescent years - we tend to hanker for an opportunity to be alone to watch porn ... and work hard to find moments away from parents or other relatives/society). Multiple such incidents set a pattern:

desire for porn -> try to be alone -> when opportunity comes, watch porn.

Later when you are on abstinence, you may not actually get the urge or desire. But as soon as you are alone, mind remembers the pattern and you follow the 3rd step (watch porn) even though the first step (desire) was not there. Once you realise this pattern, solution is really easy .... avoid being alone... till you have successfully erased the pattern/hold of porn.

Cause 3: Excessive blocked energy

If we are unable to channelize the energy into something better, we can not work out a long term solution. Honestly I am struggling with this.

Cause 4: Temptation

This no doubt stil remains.. but far from being the major cause or the most common cause - in my case this is a relatively less frequent cause.

What I am now surprised at is - we tend to focus a lot (atleast initially) on the "temptations" aspect, and many of our relapses are due to other causes, and they are easier to fix. If we develop a good understanding.. we can use our energy in a better way.....

Hoping for your suggestions and comments.

Cheers!

Deleted Account · Sep 12, 2018

Escaping the reality is just the superficial problem.. What lies beneath is the real deal.. Anger, sorrow, repressed feelings etc.. These are the things that need to be dealt with.. Cheers & good luck ! @Awakened & Aware

5adn8m8 · Sep 12, 2018

Thank you for sharing your insights mate. It definitely helps...
Good luck

signmeup · Sep 12, 2018

Thanks for sharing.

I agree that anxiety/frustration, being alone, bored, bad habits, excessive energy and temptation can lead to porn viewing however they might be better labelled as triggers or enablers rather than causes.

I mean unless you’ve got other problems you’re not going to whip it out on a busy subway, and at the end of the day there are reasons for being frustrated and other methods available to address these without seeking porn... but old habits die hard, especially bad ones.

I find that stress and anxiety definitely increase my need for M and if not resolved leads to seeking porn however there are times when I just want to watch, no major crisis, no triggers, my mind says wouldn’t it be nice to watch some P, and my body responds with hell yeah what’s on the menu!!!

This can come on even when I’m busy and like a tune that gets stuck in my head it just won’t go away. In the past I’d usually succumb and the binge on P, but through concerted effort I can move on, and the times when I do break it’s less bingeful, I seem to be able to get back on the program but it is a frustrating cycle.

When my resolve is high even serious triggers can’t break me, however if I’m just pottering along and it hits me without warning then it can be extremely difficult to resist.

Boredom and being alone contribute but like the kid who breaks a window and then says, ‘I was bored’ there’s always something constructive I can do, so in the end if I view then that is a choice I have made.

Deleted Account · Sep 12, 2018

That's absolutely correct we have to create dopamine in our work, take intetest and keep getting motivated and finally not being submissive to mind-nepotism to PMO

Deleted Account · Sep 12, 2018

Great post! I've been finding this myself and have been nipping each on in the bud and having victory.

The first one, anxious / frustrated, was definitely the first one I worked on. Seems so simple now after these few months. If something is bothering me, think it out and take care of it instead of running away and doing hours of porn.

The boredom one has been the hardest to kick but I've been incorporating things into my daily routine to stop "Porning For Porn's Sake". There's plenty of things I can do instead of doing that when I'm bored. I've a LONG list of things I've been procrastinating on and they aren't going to get done if I'm watching sex videos.

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Analysis of causes of relapses

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