Awakened & Aware
Moderator Assistant
Experienced people probably know this, but I realised the following recently - in last 1 to 2 years of my 15+ year old struggle against PMO:
Cause 1: Majority of my relapses started with "anxiousness/frustration in other areas of work/life", rather than temptations. Basically using PMO as escape route. My current approach to this is... be patient during the frustrations... and not buy the brains logic that indulging in PMO would help me avoid the frustrating situation. I have to convince myself that even if the worst happens in life (eg failure in work), avoiding PMO will give me better life in long term, and current success can be sacrificed for it.
Cause 2: "Boredom" and habit of "just doing it" when I am alone (this habit perhaps stems from the fact that during adolescent years - we tend to hanker for an opportunity to be alone to watch porn ... and work hard to find moments away from parents or other relatives/society). Multiple such incidents set a pattern:
desire for porn -> try to be alone -> when opportunity comes, watch porn.
Later when you are on abstinence, you may not actually get the urge or desire. But as soon as you are alone, mind remembers the pattern and you follow the 3rd step (watch porn) even though the first step (desire) was not there. Once you realise this pattern, solution is really easy .... avoid being alone... till you have successfully erased the pattern/hold of porn.
Cause 3: Excessive blocked energy
If we are unable to channelize the energy into something better, we can not work out a long term solution. Honestly I am struggling with this.
Cause 4: Temptation
This no doubt stil remains.. but far from being the major cause or the most common cause - in my case this is a relatively less frequent cause.
What I am now surprised at is - we tend to focus a lot (atleast initially) on the "temptations" aspect, and many of our relapses are due to other causes, and they are easier to fix. If we develop a good understanding.. we can use our energy in a better way.....
Hoping for your suggestions and comments.
Cheers!
Cause 1: Majority of my relapses started with "anxiousness/frustration in other areas of work/life", rather than temptations. Basically using PMO as escape route. My current approach to this is... be patient during the frustrations... and not buy the brains logic that indulging in PMO would help me avoid the frustrating situation. I have to convince myself that even if the worst happens in life (eg failure in work), avoiding PMO will give me better life in long term, and current success can be sacrificed for it.
Cause 2: "Boredom" and habit of "just doing it" when I am alone (this habit perhaps stems from the fact that during adolescent years - we tend to hanker for an opportunity to be alone to watch porn ... and work hard to find moments away from parents or other relatives/society). Multiple such incidents set a pattern:
desire for porn -> try to be alone -> when opportunity comes, watch porn.
Later when you are on abstinence, you may not actually get the urge or desire. But as soon as you are alone, mind remembers the pattern and you follow the 3rd step (watch porn) even though the first step (desire) was not there. Once you realise this pattern, solution is really easy .... avoid being alone... till you have successfully erased the pattern/hold of porn.
Cause 3: Excessive blocked energy
If we are unable to channelize the energy into something better, we can not work out a long term solution. Honestly I am struggling with this.
Cause 4: Temptation
This no doubt stil remains.. but far from being the major cause or the most common cause - in my case this is a relatively less frequent cause.
What I am now surprised at is - we tend to focus a lot (atleast initially) on the "temptations" aspect, and many of our relapses are due to other causes, and they are easier to fix. If we develop a good understanding.. we can use our energy in a better way.....
Hoping for your suggestions and comments.
Cheers!