Anand's NoFab Daily Journal

Hi

I finally take the initiative to join this community
as my life hit rock bottom because of porn and masturbation.

I committed to take back my life and to live my life fully rather than destroying.

I use this journal to write about the challenges I am facing, Struggle I am going through, Success I am having.

I am confident I get a support from when I am weak and tempted. From there I can get the power and life back.

Thank you.

+xAnand

 

Having an urge now while chart reading of today trades

what may caused

1. missed opportunity
2. confusing concepts
3. late night working

counter measure
1. journalling here in nofab
2. understanding clearly my urge by writing
3. self aware and acknowledge temptation

"basically the primitive brain want to avoid pain through the fake pleasure"
but it is not a real pleasure, it is real pain what addiction gives
moreover it destroys the emotional balance, enjoying real sexual pleasure, pleasure of loving relationships, prevent consistent success from my business, damages the self esteem (as I objectify myself).

I pursue real in life,
I choose life I choose to be a Man.

 

Creating NEW NEURAL PATHWAY

INTENTION create new neural pathway
WITNESS SELF-AWARE BEING PRESENT create new neural pathway and frees you from old
FOCUS create new neural pathway
CONSISTENT ACTION or Consistent IMAGINATION of handling urge create new neural pathway
ACKNOWLEDGE old impulse. SAY I DON HAVE TO DO IT ANY MORE. frees you from old neural pathway. AFFIRM I'M FREE. 'I CAN DO IT'says you are done with the old pathway.
AVERSION THERAPHY (Masturbation is for losers, beggars, cowards and wussies)
USE URGE as TRIGGER for SPECIFIC ACTION PLAN (journal, shower, walk etc) create new neural pathway.
Reinforce with ENERGY - eft taping technique.
welcome urge, impulse, strong temptation, FACE IT HANDLE IT get you on a new superhighway superfast
MEDITATION creates new pathway
SURRENDER TO HIGHERPOWER creates new pathway
you create a new brain neural pathway when COMMITTED to make shift.

 

ACTION PLAN - ROAD MAP

A. URGE TO WATCH PORN

1. QUESTION: ask what makes you to have the urge
2. JOURNAL: write the NoFab journal SELF AWARE, ACKNOWLEDGE
3. MOVE AWAY FROM ENVIRONMENT: NO PC, NO INTERNET, NO STAY IN ROOM stay away from PC or anything that would contribute you to masturbate or watch porn
4. BURN/SUBLIMATE ENERGY: do physical activity (PUSHUP CHALLENGE, WALK, DECLUTTER HOME)
5. HAPPY TASKS: substitute with other activity (DOODLES,MUSIC, READING, but strictly no internet until the urge is gone) - need buy a TAB and GO OUT.
6. MEDITATE by looking at the urge, FEEL IT, face it.

B. DAILY SCHEDULE/ROUTINE

1. wake up (no matter early or late)
2. SHOWER and brush teeth (5 minutes each)
3. EXERCISE (5 MINUTES)
4. PRAYER (5 MINUTES)
5. eat (15 minutes)
6. work

* no internet / pc until # 1 to #5 settled (no score, no fb)
* should only start work after shower
* when free 15 minutes do browsing

C. ACCEPTING THE LOSS (TRADE/ CRICKET)

1. acknowledge how you feel
2. walk away from PC for 10-15 minutes
3. SELF REFLECT on your feeling (what makes you sad, angry and etc)
4. JOURNAL (e.g. Sad / angry with the way trade- how to overcome next time? sad coz loss beyond control (write down how you may have contributre to it, is there any matter that you can control, list down how to improve and finally surrender and say IT IS OK TO LOSE)
5. CHARACTER STRENGTHENED IN LOSS AND FAILURES.

D. WHEN BORED/ NO INTERNET

1. find out what makes you boring
2. DO something that would make you FEEL GOOD HAPPY TASKS (DRAWING, MAGIC, MUSIC, DECLUTTER & MINIMALIZE, RIDE BIKE, CHEW GUM)
e.g exercise, draw, read, go out, be with nature, play games etc

E. PARENTS FIGHT/ ISSUES AT HOME

1. STEP BACK DON GET INVOLVED
2. ask yourself if there is any way you contribute to it
3. STAY AWAY FROM FIRE FOR 15 MINUTES
4. find out the reason for the issue
5. TALK ONLY WHEN YOU ARE CALM
6. GIVE OPTION RATHER THAN SOLUTION (coz ppl sometimes dont listen to us not because they dont like us but they dislike our solutions. they would prefer options. and remember, it is ok if ppl dont take ur word, coz THEY HAVE CHOICE TO MAKE)

 

Helping

talking slow
silence
act emotionally balance (self aware)

 

Quick Tips

1. why you doing this
2. delete all the pictures
3. mini challenges - build success foundation
4. panic behaviour - triggers - walk, push-up, gum
5. multi orgasmic man
6. accountable - partner
7. community of like minded - read stories
8. create reminders - desktop background
9. pursue your passion - trading mastery, live life
10. help others - jouranl blog

 

Key

Small (patience, enjoy)
Consistent (persistence)
Breach of comfort zone (release from slavery, get the power back)

 

Implemented

small things
1. read little more (not forced myself, reading fast not perfect, mindmap key points)
2. emotionally balanced little more - when family touch nerves (just pause few seconds before answer or walk away)
3. laugh more (watching comedy movies and laugh like baby)
4. persuasive little more ( not let others push me to take decision, I listened, think long term, and decide based on that non emotionally and stick with that)
5. grateful little more (thank you thank you thank you)
6. patience with me little more
7. accept my imperfection little more

 

I am welcoming fear, insecurity, doubts, weakness, imperfection, mistakes, failures, losses. To see little more of what they really are.

 

I not hear my mind's rationalism when I have urge in the morning,
thought how much it is convincing and seems harmless.
How I grow up today, when I happen to come across some video in facebook
I don want to click it, I pass it on.
Though it seems harmless, I know how it all starts like that.

Now on my bed, my mind went to imagination and want to masturbate
I like to resist at first, but then I said
No, let me JOURNAL, this urge came bcoz
I was imperfect, my mind wants me to be perfect
but it is sick, I don need to
Let me have both fun and discipline at the same time
More over my imperfection time is the healing time for me
to accept myself and love myself unconditionally.

I said, I take up this challenge for my EMOTIONAL HEALING, MENTAL HEALING, BUSINESS SUCCESS, PHYSICAL HEALING, SPIRITUAL JOURNEY also want to enjoy REAL SEX WITH REAL RELATIONSHIP not by fantasy.
I am doing this for MYSELF

I will succeed in this challenge to grow inward and outward as a REAL MAN.

 

Challenging time
I need to get past this
If not it will repeat again and again
till I get past it

My Mr. perfectionist in me
pushing me to do the big tasks
that my Mr. fun seeker, in me not want to do

either way when do or don do a self in me feel bad pain and not good time
so to ease that pain, mind wants to seek pleasure through masturbation and porno
Its simple solution to put off everything run away and submerge myself in dark room
with second to second pleasure of new new images and videos that thrills me

Mr. Perfectionist, Mr. Fun seeker. Have to agree and come up with win - win solution
Mr. Perfectionist must need to lower the bar, to give permission to be happier. Rather than he saying unless until you finish that big task that you kept on postponing I wont let you be happy. I need to divide that big tasks into small task that my Mr. Fun seeker love to work with rather than forcing him to do you must do it.
Mr. Fun seeker must step up his game, to do rather than throw the towel and go to prono. I understand you don like to do the big task, but how about the small tasks which are not only simple but fun too. Submerge in the present moment, forget about finishing lets enjoy doing the task. When you finish you don need the porno to feel good, you can give yourself a permission to feel good so happy and joyful.

with that understanding

1. I took a 20 min nap
2. I exercised for 5 min 1 set until muscle failure (feel damn gratifying after done it rather than kept on oh I have to exercise today - just 1 set till muscle failure is enough. SMALL AND CONSISTENT IS KEY)
3. Took a shower
4. Now a prayer time let me enjoy it rather than doing it as a duty, if it can be done having fun, why doing it as duty and make a pain in ass.

 

Finished a small task of big task I try to postpone.
Key is I need to even make it smaller as it took more time.
Want to focus on consistency rather than how big or how much I finish.
After done a task I must feel satisfied happy and excited, in the break feel cant wait to continue not EXHAUSTED.
If I exhaust, pretty sure the result will be inconsistent, so I need to further simplify and break the task till it is fun and exciting.

 

Urge continuation as I am not satisfied with the work I done
also I not consistently done my work either

Basically teaching me I have to be patience with myself and persistent in pursuing personal productivity
that is what the part in me trying to show me up. I doesn't need to hurt me.

Telling me I not broken my task effectively into smaller tasks that inspires and gives me fun to work with manageable challenge.

Also this urge telling me I need to focus more on accepting myself when I am imperfect more. I am patient and persistent. I accept I am not productive as I want to be. I acknowledge it. I don deny it. Worrying on past is not good for either present or future, just there to give me lesson. If I don't learn these lesson will be kept on taught till I learn to love myself accept myself compassionate with myself effectively and make jobs small simple and fun. So that I can do it consistently and cheerfully.

 

I am so angry so much angry
I didn't get answer from a responsible person
for service I paid al ready I felt like VICTIM
I don like one of the service they offer I came to know it today only
I felt like I was PUSHED to take decision
I felt like STUPID
I know I should haven't reacted like that
I am ANGRIER

Also I have to do
evening routine - exercise shower prayer and some religious stuff
but I felt like PUSHED, FORCED to do
I hate that
My mind not processing it IT REPELS, feels like CHAINING ME
to be honest it hate COMMITMENT TRAP
so I not showered in the evening or prayed or plan to follow the religious stuff
but somehow I exercised only for 5 minutes (I did bcoz it is only 5 min and before I went more Mad, driven by my PUSHED, FORCED, LEAVE NO CHOICE, THINGS NOT GONE IN MY WAY, FEAR, BETRAYED, ANGRY - all creates GUILT
when I don follow - create GUILT
I don like to follow - ANGRY, CANT FOCUS
My anger was show on to others, feel sorry for them
but I AM BLEEDING, CONFUSED, NO ONE TO HELP.

precisely perfect recipe to go PORN and seek COMFORT
locked in dark room SELF RAPE me
sure I FORGET THIS HELL I AM GOING NOW instantly
but in the morning these PAIN BECOME 100 FOLD and importantly it is like CANCER erode my TRUST SELF-BELIEF HAPPINESS TO LIVE LIFE FULLY and RUIN MY LIFE forever.
I better go and feel this hell rather than BACK-STAB ME

I am confused I don know what making me to
punishing, guilt, resist to do what need to do...
but I will I know

 

Urge to go to porn now grown stronger
making myself cool going through
Pinterest.com
Sports videos

 

Urge level medium
as I get pleasure in get lost
focused on my business - chart reading

 

The second very bad day
seems I am creating the bad day more than it happens
Urge to go to porn... strong

 

The business family all are became unhappiness factory
Coz I am itself became unhappiness factory... master level
I got to go to porn to escape from this boiling hell.

 

Resisting strong... by focusing on chart reading
Urge is there to escape me from the pain I am going through
But I know after that the pain will 100x and foundation of my esteem will be broken