Anger projecting

OMG yes. You are not alone.
( i recently discovered a tool to help with this)
but i would either flip out at him or start balling if he asked what movie do you want to watch?
this PA is roller coaster of emotions. the riders just have to hold on

"Sex Addiction: A partner's perspective" @ILoathePwife recommended to me. i read it and it gave good advice on how to help control your anger. etc
and why the SO maybe so angry.

 

Huge anger issues, yes! Lava anger. Very common. I also recommend the book Hold Me Tight.

 

Our old marriage counselor told us about this. I asked for a source but she never gave it to me and then, for other reasons, we stopped seeing her. But it helped.

AREA is an acronym to help couples remember a better way of solving anger:

A is for admitting your anger to your spouse.

R is the desire to restrain your anger and not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling.

E stands for explaining in a very calm manner why you are angry.

A stands for action planning or doing something about the cause of the anger.

They find that if anger is handled in this calm approach it helps couples identify the cause of the anger to work together for a solution. Often couples find that anger has been triggered by a misunderstanding or misinterpreted words or actions. Sometimes one person may feel pushed beyond what they feel like they can handle. However, if both are working to approach the issue in a calm manner the couples are finding it more supportive of problem-solving through the anger experience.

 

building off this comment
i completely agree.
i actually explain to my husband only a few days ago that saying the words "what movie do you wanna watch" triggers me. It does this because my brain goes WTF ( what actresses are in the movie, what kinds of clothes are they wearing, is it love movie?, Do they have a large "chest", WTF its not fair i have to be restricted on movies because you have PA. (then i also think well i prolly couldn't enjoy this movie alone anymore either cause all id think about is wonder if they looked at that?) and many more questions all within a matter of about 15 sec.)

So instead we found a website to help with movies ( i learned about yesterday) and i feel so relieved. im still stressed, but its better. I have a plan.
My husband and i defined certain words to use to tell me about his day ( if he oogled people etc)
words that i know "aware of" means the scene or people were murky (not paying any attention to)
so if he says i was "aware of" (insert name) i am no longer triggered. we have words to describe the good and the bad. that way im not flipping out.
i may be upset, but i am no longer screaming at him to define what he means.

 

I'm glad you guys got a Scale all your own!
This is amazing!
We have been using one for 8? Months now.
It's been amazing!
I think it's very helpful.
To both our healing.
So Glad for you!!
50 likes!!!

 

thanks it seems to be helping. we still need some tweaking because some definitions are too similar. but otherwise they have been working great. ( i still get upset, cause it still hurts and many thing are still in yellow section (but that is a work in progress) and yellow section will NEVER go away (unless your blind) but the intentions/habits is what will.

 

Some definitions are going to be similar.
He needs to learn the distinctions... My SO said that when we were tweaking ours

 

LOVE this!!! Yes yes and more yes! This is such a healthy way to deal with anger. And idk why but for some reason I like acronyms too...I’m such a nerd lol