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Another new guy here

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Ninjacan, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. Aug 3, 2015 #1
    Ninjacan

    Ninjacan Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm new here, joined a couple weeks ago, kinda shy to actually post something I guess, but I'm going to try to put my story here and hopefully I can get some help here.

    I'm recently married (1 year August 31), but we've been having relationship problems almost since the beginning of our relationship just over 5 years ago, surrounding the porn issue. For a long long time, until very recently, I always thought it was just a normal thing that all (or the majority) of guys do/look at. I thought it was a personal and private thing, and always got angry and defensive when we would argue about it, like she was invading my privacy and judging me for who I am. And each time, after everything is said and done, we have kind of just disagreed, I try to do it less and hide it more, but the reality is this issue has really been slowly tearing us apart.

    So I've recently been reading some stuff from NoFap, and we also started reading this great book together called Love You, Hate the Porn (which I highly recommend to anyone in a similar situation), and I'm trying to start seeing this in a different light. I never really felt like I had an addiction, but after reading some of the posts on here and some other people's experience, I started to realize that since I was in my early teens, I have been using PMO as.. kinda an escape from reality. Whenever I'm stressed or anxious, it's really easy to just look at some porn and for that moment, nothing else matters. Before I got together with my wife 5 years ago, I was doing PMO 2-3 times every day, almost just out of routine and something I thought I just really enjoyed doing, but I never made the connection with how I was feeling at the time.

    Anyways, that's a bit of my background. The reason I am here is that I really want to try to quit looking at porn all together, which I think is going to be pretty difficult, and I used to think was going to just be impossible. Sometimes I just think about porn, and I feel like I can't help it. And honestly, I just really like it. But I know how much damage it does, and I know it's not really great for me either, so I'm here trying to change my ways, and hopefully get some advice from other guys going through the same thing.
     
    Ninjacan, Aug 3, 2015
    Ninjacan, Aug 3, 2015
    #1
    mikepian likes this.
  2. Aug 3, 2015 #2
    IGY

    IGY Guest

    IGY, Aug 3, 2015
    IGY, Aug 3, 2015
    #2
  3. Aug 3, 2015 #3
    mikepian

    mikepian Fapstronaut

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    Hey, buddy, glad you're here! Hope you hang around a loooong time.
    I'm 21, and I PMOed just as frequently. It went on from ages 15 (I guess I was a late bloomer) to 20. One of the dumbest parts about it was I felt like sh*t every single time I did it. Many nights I cried myself to sleep out of the bad feelings and frustration.
    I relapsed 100s of times after saying, "Never again." Then a little over a year ago, I went through my relapse and weak self-promise not to do it again. The next day, I didn't have a chance to PMO even once. Same for the next day, then week, and now it's been 365+. Thank God.
    Ninjacan, you have been given a beautiful woman who is meant to be your everything. We all know (or should) that no one person can give us everything we need. Otherwise, she would be God, but that job's already filled.
    But as far as our abilities permit, Mrs. Ninja is ALL for you, and you are (can/will be) ALL for her. You are working on it. Good.
    A lot of us guys find some "little" practices helpful.
    1. Workout daily or just about--lift weights, hit the gym, run, do calisthenics--anything to make you sweat a lot.
    2. Cold showers! If you need to, gradually turn the hot water down till you get it as cold as you can take. Show your body it doesn't need pampering.
    3. No laptop or phone in the bathroom or any other place you are alone.
    4. Go to bed with your wife and get up with her.
    5. The word "virtue" comes from the Latin, virtus, meaning manly. You will need to plug into your manliness for such virtues as courage, honesty, humility, and perseverance in your battle with PMO. And don't forget patience, esp. with yourself.

    BTW, every guy on here thought he might not make it for the x amount of time he was shooting for. Almost all of them (eventually) proved themselves wrong.
    Also, men are aroused mainly visually, so it is understandable that you "like" what the sight of pornography does to you. But nofap is the place to discover that there are lots of other things that you can come to like even more.
    If I can help, I'm right here.
    Peace, brother. Mike
     
    mikepian, Aug 3, 2015
    mikepian, Aug 3, 2015
    #3
  4. Aug 4, 2015 #4
    Ninjacan

    Ninjacan Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the tips guys, and thanks for the support. Just helps a lot knowing how many other guys are going through the same thing. I used to like going to the gym, always been on and off with that, should try getting back into it. Also, already decided I need to go with a no-data cell phone plan, at least for a while
     
    Ninjacan, Aug 4, 2015
    Ninjacan, Aug 4, 2015
    #4
    mikepian likes this.
  5. Aug 4, 2015 #5
    mikepian

    mikepian Fapstronaut

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    Going back to the gym--great!
    Going to a safer cell phone plan--even better!
    Good luck, buddy.
     
    mikepian, Aug 4, 2015
    mikepian, Aug 4, 2015
    #5

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