Anxiety and Guilt after a Wet Dream: DID I RELAPSE?

Hi Everyone,

I was 100% motivated to reach 30 days, then 90 days. Yesterday, I was on day 24 of solid abstinence and pure dedication. During this day, I received a very stressful email about my job and urges came in abundance just after this bad news. I perfectly dealt with them until bed time.

At night, I had these POWERFUL sexual thoughts while laying in my bed. These thoughts were extremely intrusive but at the same time, I must say that they were SO exciting and mind blowing. Deep down, I knew I had to fight them and not gave in. I never touched myself and I wore a boxer to avoid getting hard. I tried to meditate and breath endlessly until I fell asleep. Fortunately, I finally fell asleep but I woke up MANY TIMES during that night.

At some point, I dreamed about some kind of weird kink I have and I completely wet my boxer. In my dream, I was standing up with my phone and I just received a message from a girl saying a stupid and ultra soft kinky thing. That was enough to make me O and wake up.

After this wet dream, I slept horribly bad and I woke up extremely early. I am feeling anxious as hell. Less confident, less motivated and super guilty. I have this exact same impression when I relapse. My derealization increased and I have plenty of sexual thoughts.

Some people say that wet dreams are not considered as a relapse but in my case, I feel exactly as if I relapsed. I have the impression that I should have controlled my urges and thoughts in a better way, but failure to do so led to a wet dream. I have a strong addiction to edging (usually for hours each day) and I feel that accepting repeatedly the pleasure my thoughts gave me in my whole body for a few seconds, is like a small edging to feel good.

Is this a relapse? What should I do next?

 

Thank you for your reply, Aod Dhan. I tend to overreact because edging ruined my life and I am scared of failing, again. It is black or white because with edging, if you start a little bit, it is over. This is why I am "perfectionist" and strict with this streak because I know that a little mistake (e.g., mentally enjoying for a few seconds my thoughts) may make me lose everything. For me, it is then important to know if exploring my powerful urges for a few seconds is considered as "relapse, fail and stumble" as you described, or not.

Anyway, while writing this message, I realized how stupid my question is. But I will leave it here.

 

Dear Menticide, thank you so much for your answer. I have NOT masturbated and I have NOT watched porn. I have NOT even touched myself. And yes, wet dreams can also be considered as an healthy process. As I said above, I think I am scared of going back to edging and thus, accidentally "enjoying" the presence of some sexual thoughts for a few seconds makes me feel guilty. Having said that, I believe I just need some support, which you did.

Good luck in your streak, 30 days is very soon!