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Any advice on Authority Issues?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by grADD student, Aug 27, 2015.

  1. Aug 27, 2015 #1
    grADD student

    grADD student Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone,

    Just as a bit of personal background, I had a physically, verbally, emotionally, and spiritually abusive childhood. Nearly all of the authority figures in my life, even when they thought they were showing me love and good direction, abused me and manipulated me. The reason I bring this up is, a major trigger for me to PMO is when I am in the presence of someone who is evaluating me. I have been putting off my dissertation for a year and a half now because the idea of being in a room full of people who evaluate my words and publicly challenge my findings is overwhelming to me. In the past, I always chose jobs where my boss was in another state and I worked on my own. Of course, I just sunk even deeper into PMO.

    So my question for the forum is, how does one who knows that being evaluated is a major trigger spend a year perpetually being evaluated? It's one of my biggest struggles. I am now 7 days clean and want it to be for the rest of my life. I really want to be a college prof, but I can't do it without jumping over this hurdle. Any suggestions or help would be appreciated.
     
    grADD student, Aug 27, 2015
    grADD student, Aug 27, 2015
    #1
  2. Aug 27, 2015 #2
    Zin

    Zin Fapstronaut

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    Doesn't matter where you are or who sees you, you are being evaluated all day for the rest of your life. Thats life man. You do it too. Everyone does.

    You are here to improve yourself. You are going to feel better every day that you beat PMO. So dont worry about people evaluating you because you can know that in yourself you are a great guy thats trying to change.

    Every day that you try to live your life differently and become a better person people will see this. So you will be evaluated better.

    I would personally suggest you look into anxiety. It seems to me that you are overthinking what someone may think of you and that is causing you anxiety. That anxiety is then being comforted with PMO. Then PMO in turn makes you more anxious. A vicious circle.

    This is my feedback. Well done on reaching a week man.
     
    Zin, Aug 27, 2015
    Zin, Aug 27, 2015
    #2
    grADD student likes this.
  3. Aug 28, 2015 #3
    OddTheOodle

    OddTheOodle Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on a week, grADD.

    I want to add something to what @Zin posted. Most instances of intense anxiety are usually caused by irrational thinking. For instance, it you have anxiety when driving over bridges, it may stem from the irrational thought that every bridge is going to fall, probably when you are on it.

    It is possible that since all the authority figures in your past have judged, then abused you, that you too do this (at least the judging part), therefore you believe everyone else is doing it too. Your past has predisposed you to this. Just like my past, seeing my dad get overly angry at stuff, has predisposed me to getting overly angry at stuff.

    I would strongly suggest therapy. This would allow you to work through those old feelings (because they are still there), and get to a point where you can control, or at least minimize these fears and behaviors. I think it is especially important since you want to be a college professor. I am assuming here that you do not want to be like the authority figures from your past (who would?).

    Please note: I am not a licensed counselor, just a regular guy that has been through a similar situation.

    I wish you all the luck dealing with these issues. We fellow Fapstronauts are here to support you. Please feel free to message me if you just need someone to listen.
     
    OddTheOodle, Aug 28, 2015
    OddTheOodle, Aug 28, 2015
    #3
    grADD student likes this.

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