Any advice on how to not masturbate right before bed?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by NewMe2014, Jan 29, 2014.

  1. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    I started seeing a therapist . She asked how I fall asleep, and I said, "Usually watching a video on youtube, or a dvd." She said that it was counterproductive, because viewing something on a screen actually wakes the human brain up. If I don't have it on though, my mind wanders, and eventually I'll throw my hand down my pants. I'll hear a car drive by, the a/c will kick on, the clock starts ticking away, I'll roll over and inadverdently feel my penis with my leg. Oh! That reminds me!... relapse. If I throw on a dvd, or long enough documentary, I will fall asleep to it.

    Doing this may cause me to be a light sleeper though. Sometimes I start to masturbate in my sleep. I'll barely wake up while edging, and then my will power is too weak to stop since my brain is foggy from just waking up.

    Any advice on how to fall asleep better other than being completely exhausted everyday? Does anybody have a good bedtime routine?
     
  2. Soul Cage

    Soul Cage Fapstronaut

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    I'm completely new, just joined up, just began abstinence and this was the first post that caught my eye as it is something that I fear I may struggle with the most. I already struggle with masturbation keeping me up at night and feel the consequences in the morning, fatigue/sleeping in/being late for work etc. However I have been attending a meditation group for over a year now and have learnt a thing or two about cultivating relaxation and focus. I have been listening to a relaxation CD made by a hypnotherapist, I obtained this from a friend and it readies body and mind for sleep starting with a body scan, taking you through relaxing every minute part of the body in turn. I find it useful to lie with arms outside the covers whilst listening. In addition another idea, maybe wear joggers or linens with drawstrings and tie em' shut! might help :)
     
  3. Gleemonex95

    Gleemonex95 Fapstronaut

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    +1 for body scans. I'm fortunate that I don't have trouble sleeping but the reason things like body scans or counting sheep or reading your refrigerator user manual work is because it takes your focus elsewhere. Body scans are a little different because they keep you in the present tense where you acknowledge was is going on with your body. Mindfulness and critical thinking are important in dealing with this.
     
  4. anujna

    anujna New Fapstronaut

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    This kind of defeats the idea of self-discipline, but if you're really having a hard time why not wear joggers/bottoms to bed and use a tight belt or tie to physically prevent access? Although this may cause some discomfort, it'd probably beat the guilt of a relapse, right?
     
  5. DunellenGuy

    DunellenGuy Fapstronaut

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    Hey buddy, I hear you! Insomnia can be a huge trigger because you start feeling sorry for yourself and want to find some kind of pleasure. I see you're a Christian. How about putting on some soft praise music that's just loud enough to keep your mind from spinning, but soft enough that you can fall asleep? Maybe with a timer that will shut the music off after 30 or 40 minutes. Just an idea.
     
  6. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    If you have a smartphone and access to apps try the john kabat zin (sorry I have to laugh because my predictive text just converted that particular name to john lavatory sinner before I corrected it!!:D) series one which has a good body scan. Might even be on you tube. Also why not consider looking into sexual energy transmutation? http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?4054-Getting-Started-with-Sexual-Energy-Transmutation
     
  7. Pvnofap

    Pvnofap Fapstronaut

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    Newme2014.... Congrats on a great history of no porn. Could u incorporate similar approaches u may used to stop P to also stop M? What is it about M that is harder to stop than it was P? One idea is to make a gratitude list nightly of the 10 things for which u are grateful. Another is to practice meditation or breathing with your hand on your heart. Stay strong & peace.
     
  8. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    What a great idea! I really, really appreciate your input.
     
  9. digiter

    digiter Fapstronaut

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    Bed (and better sleeping room) must be a place where the only thing You do is sleep. When you fall down you should get to sleep. If you want to surf internet, watch a movie or read a book, don't do it in bed. That way your brain will know what to do when you fall in bed.
    NIIICCEEE score you have! 137 days... good :)
     
  10. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    It's 2:46am, and I just had an epiphany of why I have insomnia! I started another journal a few weeks ago, and had a strange desire to write in it just now. As I wrote, the worries, sorrows, and frustrations in my heart took the form of words automatically. I didn't have to think about what to write. The pen just started moving. I didn't even realize I had emotions that I wasn't processing properly. After I started writing, I paused to think about what I wrote. It would inspire me to write more, so I skipped a line, and started writing again. I did this a few times, and I have in front of me a full page of the answers to my insomnia that have eluded me since the days of being made fun of in junior high! I'll type what I discovered in case it helps anyone else.

    "I think a primary a primary cause of my insomnia is I am attempting to procrastinate the arrival of tomorrow (the sooner I fall asleep, the faster tomorrow comes). I have a test tomorrow, and I didn't sudy for it. I am afraid of the test.

    To decrease insomnia, I need to prepare for tomorrow more effectively.

    I need to create a schedule, and adhere to that schedule.

    I need to accomplish the goals I create in my schedule. If I am unable to complete a goal, I need to recreate a plan to achieve it. I need to be honest about my goals. That means, I need to create goals I really believe I can achieve (I usually tell myself that I'm going to study for four hours straight, but the task later seems so scary that I don't study at all. I just keep telling myself, "I'll start at 2... I'll start at 3... etc..."). It also means, I need to really learn from my mistakes (Why was my goal not completed? What stopped me?); analyze them; discover why I made them; plan ways to overcome them.

    I need to be able to rely on myself more. I happily force myself to be reliable for others (by keeping commitments no matter what), while I torture myself with an unambitious attitude.

    I deserve the joy and satisfaction of self reliance.

    My new mantra: I can work hard, for long hours, with only personal motivation as an instigator."

    My heart feels unfettered! I realize what my problem has been (not properly preparing for personal commitments). I figured out the solution (become better at goal setting, and more reliable at accomplishing those goals). I have to babysit in the morning, and after that, study, and after that, pass my test. But after THAT, I will create a daily schedule, and write down realistic goals to accomplish.

    I am afraid that I won't follow through with my plan to create a schedule and set goals. I've disappointed myself countless times in the past, but tomorrow will be different! Even though I am afraid I won't do it, I am going to force myself to do it!!

    My mind is going crazy. It is simultaneously dreading tomorrow's tasks, but excited that I might actually change my debilitating behavior. Tomorrow will either be a continuation of a poor, life-long habit, or it will be the day I caused a change for myself, by myself.

    I am super excited to meet my goal!
     
  11. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    In agrrement with your above (last) post I'm just reading a book called switch that suggests that what looks like resistance is often a lack of clarity which makes so much sense and I find the more proactive, self reliant, disciplined, organised etc I am the smoother my life flows and the better I sleep at night and it sounds like your on track mate:)
     
  12. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    I did it! I wrote a schedule, and a bed time routine, after I PASSED my test!!!!!!!!!! Today has been great for accomplishing many goals.

    Unfortunately, I also fapped today. The desire hit me while I was taking my test, and didn't leave until I did it. I was just weak-willed. I wanted it, so I gave it to myself. No excuses of depression, fatigue, or anything else. I craved my touch, so I did it.

    The good news is I still kept my commitment to create a schedule. Normally, if I fap, I lose all momentum to persist in positive activities. This time, I passed my test, fapped, and created plans. I'm disappointed that I fapped, but thrilled that I kept my other commitments. I'm trying to cease being a perfectionist, and instead look at the big picture. I fell off the wagon in one area, but did well in many other areas. So far, this is still a really good day.
     
  13. Stems

    Stems New Fapstronaut

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    My new motto, 'meditate, don't masturbate'.

    Meditation will really help you to fall asleep. Also you can learn to clear your mind of any urges of fapping. Try it out. May take some time and effort but there is loads of guided mediatations on YouTube, app store.
     
  14. Loner

    Loner Fapstronaut

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    When I start fantasizing I'll play a podcast of something like "Stuff You Should Know". The other night I listened to them talk about the debt ceiling and that put me to sleep very quickly. Listening to that show directed my attention away from the porn in my head and was effective at getting me to sleep.
     
  15. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    Last night, I followed your advice. I think I got the most restful sleep I've ever had! I put on a light, four-part gospel cd, and read some scriptures. I detailed my schedule for the next day, and I read another book until I couldn't focus anymore. My bedside-table lamp's bulb went out awhile ago, so I had to get up and flick the light switch. I was a bit fearful that would wake me up (it has in the past), but it didn't! I still went right to bed, and fell asleep in thirty seconds!! That music really helped create a peaceful atmosphere that encouraged sleep! I am so excited to go to bed tonight! I was never tempted to fap last night. The thought entered my head right before I started reading my novel, but went away right after I started reading, and it never came back! You may have created a lifelong habit. :)
     
  16. EightyTimes

    EightyTimes Fapstronaut

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    It's the illumination that's counterproductive. Specifically, Blue light prevents the production of melatonin which makes us sleepy. Eliminate the blue light at night, and you're good.

    There's a free app called FLUX that changes the color temperature of your screen as nighttime approaches. Everything on your screen will be tinted red, but it's a LOT easier on the eyes and makes it a LOT easier to fall asleep.

    I'm a big self improvement nut, I read business books and psychology books and self improvement books and marketing books... but what I started doing the past few weeks (unrelated to PMO or NoFap) was reading FICTION. Sci-fi, Fantasy, etc. There's something about imagining another world that really helps me sleep.

    The lack of flashing colors and audio that accompanies video helps. As does my eyes darting back and forth as I read.

    I read on my kindle using a black background, lowest dimness, and an app that changes the color temperature of the screen. Very helpful in getting my mind to a nice place.
     
  17. NewMe2014

    NewMe2014 Fapstronaut

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    This has been my best streak in several months. I'm feeling stronger than ever. I am wary of a relapse, but happy that I've been doing so well. The less I procrastinate, and the more I improve in other areas, the easier it has become to resist. For my first month on here, I was white knuckling it "Don't fap Don't fap Don't fap..." Now that I am moving on with my life, NoFap has become a part of who I am. I am finding success when I focus more on what I need to do, rather than what I need to stop.
     
  18. atypical_white_guy

    atypical_white_guy Fapstronaut

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    NewMe, I just noticed this thread and it has been very inspiring. Glad that you are not having the issue of M while in bed anymore. I thought that would be an issue for me because I used to do it every night before falling asleep, but fortunately it's something that the Lord has decided not to burden me with. I usually fall asleep to TV shows that I bought on iTunes played from a laptop on my nightstand (literally). I know that the light is a very bad idea, but it's how I've fallen asleep for YEARS and it usually works. I'm going to try to break myself of that habit, but I feel like I'm going to need some kind of noise to put me to sleep. Maybe I will try reading like you and many others have suggested and listening to music/radio quietly to put me to sleep.
     

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