Any advice when urge for fapping is really big?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by alvinsurya, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. alvinsurya

    alvinsurya Fapstronaut

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    I need to know what's the right and wise thing to do. Some people say you better not go too hard with yourself and let the relapse happen, but the next challenge must be longer than the last challenge you did. Really, I'm not sure with that statement. Please somebody help me! Do I have to push myself to the limit?
     
  2. No, why would you intentionally relapse? I don't think I agree with that. Sounds like a lame excuse to fap. Keep holding on. Even if you fail, holding on till last minute still trains your will power. Will power can be trained with practice. Kinda like muscles. You might fail to do the last rep but even if it's half rep you still get growth out of it. It's not about winning or failing, it's about not giving up!

    Plus many people feel like crap once they relapse, why would you want to end up in that place? That's what I think about when I have huge urge. I think about how bad it will feel afterwards, the shame, disappointment, guilt, snowballing down the hill and all the bad momentum I will get, etc. Just sit down, close your eyes and focus on how bad you will feel afterwards. Think this for like 5 min then switch to thinking about how good, strong and proud of yourself you will feel if you don't give in, think about that for 5 min too. Breathe deep, slow breaths in through nose and out through mouth.

    When I get little urge if I indulge in fantasies and contemplation about it, it can grow bigger. So for me it's important to kill urge as fast as possible. I have this rubber band on my wrist that I pain myself with when that happens. And then focus on pain and say the word "stop". It works to stop me form fantasizing and contemplating failure and how "good" would that feel. Then go and do something to distract yourself as fast as possible. Go watch a YouTube video that engages you or something. Anything. Red panic button at the top right of this forum is a good source for distractions that are also encouraging.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 8, 2016
    wake_up, live4ever and incredulo like this.
  3. alvinsurya

    alvinsurya Fapstronaut

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    Okay. So I have to keep pushing myself, I got it. Thanks Shugi, I'll try your tricks.
     
  4. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    If you do nothing else then do not give in to doing it.

    That is the only rule I have. Doesn't mean I stick to it but I give it my best.
     
  5. incredulo

    incredulo Fapstronaut

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    You have to push yourself to the limit. Take it from me. You have to get mad at yourself. Sometimes I hate myself for relapsing. It is challenge. For whatever reasons you are doing this, you want to succeed. You want to convince yourself that you can do it. You did it. And when you achieve your goal, you will be free!
     
  6. incredulo

    incredulo Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you. You and I think pretty much alike and by coincidence you and I have been P or MO free since almost a month ago. Great. Congratulations. I also believe that thoughts trigger many of our actions. They they come up, get up immediately and do something different. Even for me You tube is a temptation. I am in the medical field and I (knowing better) start looking at medical stuff so I can see naked people, (my addiction) and I go from their into sex ed (bad) by then I am already aroused and at that point I am dead. Even music with a beat get my blood going and start getting an erection. So I do not listen to rock music nor watch tv.
     
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  7. alvinsurya

    alvinsurya Fapstronaut

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    Big thank you to all of you. I really mean it guys that your words kinda strengthen me even though I just relapsed from 7 days streak. Hope can make 10 days streak.
     
  8. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Maybe be ready for it. Think of it like catching cold in rain. If you work out, eat healthy food, then you won't catch cold in winter as you're toughening up your immunity.

    Identify the times when you relapse and be ready for them before hand. Like make sure you're in a public place or with some friend. Cold showers help the urge go away. It has worked for me a few times.

    When the urge comes you can come here and read stories of those who relapsed. That reinforces the decision to stay away from pmo.
     
  9. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    @alvinsurya

    the best advice is to learn good ways to relax.

    When an urge is very strong, then think like "ok, urge, give me 5 minutes" ;) - then lay back and relax. close your eyes and think nothing. Your mind is like a sky -- all the urges and thoughts are like clouds. Let them pass by. You will see, after a few minutes, your mind clears up and the urge is gone.

    A relaxed and balanced body & mind is the key to everything.
    When you are truly balanced, then you just go for your goals, and urges and relapses simply to not arise anymore.

    When a relapse happens, then there was something before, which triggered certain emotions and memories which made you getting out of balance.
     
  10. alvinsurya

    alvinsurya Fapstronaut

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    Many thanks to you man. Really, it was never in my mind that my thread here will be replied by many great people. Once, there was a time when I was really interested in the art of meditation. I've read a lot of books and sometime practice meditation. But, there's one thing that didn't ready accepted by my mind-I haven't understand yet. What's really the meaning behind "balanced body and mind"? How it feels? And how to arise them? It'll be my pleasure.
     
  11. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    It is basically simple. For example: When you wake up after a deep refreshing sleep, then you are in that balanced state.

    "Balanced" means that we keep several parts of our life in check. - And that we neither don't overdo it with one thing, nor that we ignore some part completely.

    In my insight so far, we need at last these important parts:
    • Doing a work which truly fulfills us
    • Maintaining good social contacts
    • Having a stable family-like environment around you
    • Always learning new skills, looking for new inputs, travelling
    • Keeping your muscles in tone - with movement / sports / massage / etc
    • Good healthy food, no drugs
    • Enough sleep - absolutely crucial for a clear mind
    • Daily meditation / self-hypnosis / visualization - which is like the daily full staff check on a big cruise ship - it keeps your ship on course

    In fact, when you start "doing", then you will "understand". One important part in general is not to to think too much; instead establish a mindset of constant "doing" and "flowing".
     
  12. steven968

    steven968 Fapstronaut

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    1. close your eyes and think for nothing; meditate until the urge back off.
    This is especially effective to me as urges just fades away by itself

    2. Emergency button
    I can't stress how important it is! Once you hit the button your brain will be directed automatically to thinking about nofap; urges just went away

    3. Recognize when urges happen and kill it instantly
    Probably need some training. Try to recognize the urge as early as you can and do meditation/hit emergency button. I do it within 2 second once I know the urge is coming

    4. Go on nofap website frequently
    Prevent your from being arrogant about your progress. This reason had caused me to relapse like 10 times in the past

    Hope that helps man! keep it up! DO NOT RELAPSE! Relapse just makes you feels like shit for 3 weeks! That's the only thing it brings! And I can guarantee you will feel shitty everytime you relapse!
     
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  13. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    Here's a trick up the sleeve that has helped me along the way.

    Keep yourself hydrated and urinate more than you're used to.
    It really kills the urges, plus you eliminate excessive semen. The more you get semen built in your balls, the more urges you will encounter.

    Hope this helps for you.
     
  14. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Good question. In denying your urge, you are building up resistance. Increased resistance towards the urge to PMO reflects progress. Where before, you might have acted out on a small urge, now it might take something of a completely different magnitude to overcome your resolve. But in the aftermath of that relapse comes also an increased disappointment with yourself due to your Nofap resolve, and recent achievements. The battles you fight, and whether you win and lose them, serve to reinforce the fact that you are at war.
     
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2016
  15. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    Move away from your laptop if you have to!
     

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