Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Halibut, Apr 15, 2019.
Thank you so much
I can't even remember the exact day I PMOd as i lost track but i guess it was 4 or 5 days ago. Today, i had some urges and i stayed away from this website to get this thought away from me but i will try to be active ( I know this is like the 100th time i said it but i will try). Still going strong.
Yeah, this addiction is very destructive to all men. I wanted to relapse a while ago, but immediately thought of the last time where I felt very low and bad after relapsing. Trust me when I say this, but relapsing is just a bunch of lies. Your brain tells you that the feeling you'll get after relapsing will make you feel good, but you only feel good for 5 minutes at most. Afterwards, only anger and frustration linger for 3 days to 4 days. I'm at day 3, almost heading to day 4 in 2 hours, and I still feel the drainage of relapsing. Sorry, but relapsing basically grants you 5 minutes of feeling good and then days of frustration. Plenty of people can back this testimony.
Okay... guys... I'm well aware that I'm rewiring my brain and how one can have an 'okay' day to a near suicidal one in a couple hours... but right now the urge is getting the best of me while my personal problems are backing it up really heavily. I don't want to relapse, but man... I just feel so damn down right now to the verge of breaking down and tearing up...
I know that I'm getting a bit too personal, but I'm just feeling too damn low right now, and my brain is craving a relapse just to feel good for a bit. This addiction has destroyed me on so many levels that it has made me contemplate suicide a couple times... maybe right now something in my brain is trying to correct itself which is why all of a sudden I feel like pure crap. I've read "your brain on porn" and a user who shared his testimony said "My brain is like a see-saw right now. My day can turn from a great one to a near suicidal one in the space of a few hours. It’s difficult to endure but it reassures me that something is trying to correct itself."
This is the major reason I wanted to find an AP or an AP group, because I've been losing this fight against this addiction and it would make me lose hope of everything. I seriously just miss the times when I was free of this crap, I was happy, had a hit with women, had energy, had drive. Basically everything was awesome! Now I feel like I could never return to those times which bums the hell out of me...
EDIT: Guys, I'm back to normal. It's just that this habit really did messed me up, but I now just ordered an adrenal gland supplement to help me bounce back up! I've been feeling fatigued and I now know the main cause of it. Basically being a chronic fapper can mess up the adrenals! Going to start eating cleaner as of tomorrow. I now feel good that I know the origin of the problem within my body
Can I get in on this? I am looking to start NoFap and need something like this.
Hey there, @Halibut I'd like to join ^_^
Welcome to the group @Dronse72, I am in a similar boat to you. Discovered nofap around the 5yrs ago mark and have since achieved 90 days once. After having this accountability group I feel the strongest I have in my recovery, with much more support and understanding.
Welcome to the group @S_Jay, can you share a bit about yourself?
Again, welcome to the group both of you, we will do our best to support you. Please check in with us regularly (at least once a week) to get the most out of this group.
Welcome to the group @fixer1990, can you share a bit about yourself?
We will do the best to support you in your journey, please check in at least once a week with us to keep accountability during your progress.
Welcome @Nextlevel & @TheGoldenEra , lots of new joiners!
Care to share a bit about yourselves?
Like I have said to the other guys we will all do our best to support you, regular checks ins is the best way to get the most out of the group and get the best support.
Feel free to share a consequence for relapsing with the group if you would like to help reduce the attractiveness of relapse.
I have shared that after relapse I would not be allowed any video games, netflix or youtube for 30days.
All the best with your nofap journey
Lots of posts by me haha , got to catch up with whats been going on.
@Legit1, thanks for sharing these personal feelings.
This is something I, and many of us here, have had to deal with at some point.
The depressed, even suicidal feelings that suddenly appear after relapse is a common consequence.
Its caused by shame, guilt, regret and lost sexual energy. We feel dirty and a failure.
When acting out, looking at P, we are spending a unrealistically high level of dopamine - something that cannot be found in naturally occurring activities. This drains the hormone responsible for feeling good, motivation and reward seeking.
What is left is a guy in a zombie-like state.
No dopamine - no good emotions - no drive.
Things do get better, my mood was just as you describe a 'seesaw' for the first 2 weeks. Then things get better and feel more stable. Your hormones begin to balance out.
Of course, its not all smooth sailing, you will get withdrawal symptoms, even feel low again. But these are real emotions, what I know personally I have been trying to cover up with PMO and need to embrace.
Hope this helps man, that low mood is a horrible place to be in but things will even out so keep going and hope you will find the support your looking for in this group
Sure thing bud, so just a few months back I was on around 114 days no pmo or something.And then broke it by O somehow, then had a chaser effect. Im not really sure what exactly happened but that's what I got out of my journal xD. I started doing it habitually after having sleeping issues and being stressed out as hell. Not a good excuse I know.
On the other hand, it's been around 550 days I think since I last watched P (I have used P subs no like
nudity tho just images of models you get the gist also wanted to make sure I didn't break the rules so just tryna be on the safe side
PMO stuff aside, I'm 19 years old and live in the UK. Currently occupationaless (not a word but) ye I have no direction with my life and don't know what to do. I enjoy the football and games (on and off not as hardcore as I used to be) I'm still a competitive little shit, so I know this will probably be the best way to get me back on track.
I look forward to getting to know the rest of you, and *cough cough* stomping you on the leader board aha! Lol (I'm also very light hearted and joke around a lot) ^_^
Cheers for that dude, good to know stuff about eachother!
Haha nothing wrong with a bit of competition, I think it works well and is another way to help prevent relapse as I dont want to lose my place on the board!
Glad to have you aboard
Pfffffff the consequence is losing. Lol I love to win xD
Thank you for having me
Are there any like side missions or anything? Like working out, doing a hobby or anything? Or is it just pure keeping clean from pmo?
I have read the rules and would like to become an AP
Thanks for replying and trying to give your support. When I say this addiction gave me hell, I mean it. The whole shortage of dopamine I noticed when I was in high school and had a good time with a girl in Disneyland, but during that time when it was happening, I couldn't feel ecstatic or full of joy. I danced with her, took pictures with her, had her on me, and I still couldn't feel ecstatic as I wanted to. I didn't even respond to her as I should've because I took everything that happened that day as nothing big. That's how you know I was messed up big time. It took months after I graduated to finally realize that day was one of my best memories in my life, but it sucks that it didn't feel like that when I was in the moment. There's other problems that have stacked up on me, but I don't feel like opening to all that right now. Whenever I do relapse, its because I feel so bad that I need something to just give me a quick jumpstart and feel good for q bit, but it doesn't mean that I love it, because I really don't. I end up with regret of relapsing because I then feel tired, lazy, unproductive, etc.
I do have good news, though. I decided to not watch porn since yesterday to finally take all that pressure away from me. Fapping to porn packs a bigger punch to us men because we think we're the one with the women in there, which is why we finish with bigger loads compared to a 'No-porn fap'. And since porn is that powerful, just imagine how much further we drain ourselves? It definitely releases our highest energy. So I feel good to say that if I do relapse, it'll only be with my mind. But I won't count on doing a 'No-porn' fap that much because it doesn't excite me as much as using porn. Tbh... I've never thought of thinking "Hey, once I get home I'm going to fap!" Instead I've actually thought of times of going home and look towards to fapping and using porn. Just goes to show that crap is powerful than just using the mind.
Thanks for bringing me into this accountability group.
I’m a 36 year old male from Australia.
I grew up watching porn like many guys my age and while the porn itself isn’t a big issue to me some of the fantasies it has left me with really concern me.
I also think my attitudes toward sex are why I am single at least in part. I focus too much on sex and tend to equate it with commitment.
I also feel masturbation has just made me lazy.
I want to clear my path, put my time into meaningful things and find love.
I want porn gone especially and the fantasies. Masturbation too. I’d also like to not have sex without a commitment.
To go back to your earlier post, don't sweat it. Echoing @Halibut, there's some really powerful chemistry going on internally right now and it's gonna be a ride. Emotions and feelings may not make sense and have no logical basis/trigger but that's because right now your brain chemistry isn't running as normal.
An interesting comparison is the 'blue Tuesday', the well-known phenomenon experienced after someone spends a weekend on MDMA (ecstasy). People find themselves with very little drive/motivation, very uninterested in the world and an overall apathy like there's no point to anything; essentially all the classic symptoms of depression. People don't usually realise what's going on until very late in the day, a friend points it out or they remember what they were popping at the weekend. Suddenly it becomes obvious that this will pass and they just have to ride it through.
(Side note - MDMA causes release of dopamine as well as serotonin and norepinephrine so there are some similarities and some differences)
One of the best things I can recommend is to try practicing mindfulness. Particularly at the moment you start to recognise emotions and feelings taking a downward turn. It sounds unhelpful, but if you can sit and meditate and try to observe the feelings, that can help to make them less real and less powerful. It's sort of like realising that they are there but they aren't you. You observe this meat brain getting these messages and emotions chemically, but you are not necessarily your brain, there's a little more to what 'you' are.
For me, mindfulness can work for urges too. Try to quickly recognise an urge when it first begins. Stop and feel it, notice it, observe it. *If you are in a place where temptation is high and feel that this method may be dangerous for you and you're better off right now with an avoidance technique like leaving the room/cold shower, please do that.* But for me, really noticing how powerful this urge is and at the same time how completely ri-goddamn-diculous it is, can be a little like a cold water moment. It reminds me of the very real chemical problem I've created in my brain, but also reminds me how ridiculous it is that my brain is trying to drive me so strongly to do the silliest thing. If I can just observe the urge, I'm not caught up in it, and I see it for what it is.
Sounds like you rode that dark spot out so good work bud, hang tight and stay mindful on the journey.
Best wishes to all you APs, stay strong!
The mood swings are difficult to deal with. When I feel down, I want to PMO to feel better. When my mood bounces back, I want to PMO to go back to feeling "normal." That's what got me today. Feeling generally good for an extended period of time is so strange, it is actually uncomfortable. That would be incomprehensible to someone not addicted to porn.
Although the counter needed to be reset today, things are better overall. Every week, emotions and cravings are easier to control. Relations with people have improved these past few weeks. This forum continues to be a source of inspirations and encouragement.
I can't write much atm. But stay strong buddy!
still goin strong. haven't had any wet dreams this reboot which I think is from cold showers. abstaining from whatching anything has been beneficial. it forces you to develop a different relationship with boredom.