Any Age Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Halibut, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    @Legit1 I relate completely. Often, I have no interest in actually ruining my streak, getting myself sexually aroused or O'ing. Oftentimes, as you said, it simply is watching something that brings excitement. It's so frustrating. The fact is, porn and sex are the most exciting thing to our primitive brains because to our brains - it associates porn with procreation - which is the highest priority of the gene. So, in many ways, though we are made to feel disgusting and shameful because porn is so messed up - that's not how our brain sees it - so it makes it an incredibly difficult fight. But it isn't something we should have to feel shameful about - simply admit that this is fucking difficult to beat and then continue to give it our all because this isn't who we want to be.

    Keep fighting man. I'm glad for how honest you are. I appreciate that about this group.

    Today, I had a couple urges and even went to a favorite social media site where I can typically find some trouble - but got out quickly and didn't cross a line. It still frustrates me how easily I want to go there though. I was bogged down in work and feeling really restless in my legs and upper thighs - just pent up energy I guess.

    On to tomorrow.
     
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  2. DragonHeating

    DragonHeating Fapstronaut

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    That actualy remembered me of something. These last couple of days i've been thinking of something. Something that scared me. I thought that well since im on nofap and right now im on day 30 what's it gonna be like in the future? I mean not watching porn. I'll have to watch a real woman. Yeah but.. i won't be flushed with women. So i won't be able to look at one when i want to. But then it clicked. What if i excite myself like i did with my insecurity about getting 90 days? What i mean by exciting myself is that: "the journey may be hard but remember... you are a warrior, not a cheap shot!" type thing. And after that it was gone. With it the urge.
    And another thing that i've come up with. When you get an urge your main thought is to beat it, right? Now you think about doing it. But then you think of nofap. And now you don't want to jerk off but the urge is still there. Wait a second. Why am i not controling myself? Why am i not controling me? I should be in control not my urge!
    Ooorah!
     
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  3. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Guys... this sucks... I'm sure I'm going through a flatline or very close of entering one. I've read about this and always thought it happens to some people for some weird reason or maybe because they were hardcore users who would do it multiple times every day for a long time. Guess I was wrong. Just 2 hours ago I noticed I can't get hard... well, I could, but it takes a lot of quality fantasizing...

    Anyone else had a similar flatline like this?

    Edit: I'm resetting the streak again... I watched porn and only watched porn. I panicked and wanted to see if I could get myself back to working again, so I went to a site, downloaded a favorite video, edited to keep the best part and leave it on repeat. I didn't edged, but I was passively fooling around. Only some minor touching. No strokes, no gripping or rubbing whatsoever. I eventually got hard after 3 minutes... I've already deleted the video from my phone because it'll give me temptation sooner or later...
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2019
  4. DragonHeating

    DragonHeating Fapstronaut

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    @Legit1 i would say working out works. 50 jumping jacks will do. If it dosen't work try to get more sleep, i always feel bad when i don't sleep (i get social anxeity, flatlines, more aggressive etc). If they don't work then i would say you should be patient because it'll pass.
    STAY HARD!
     
  5. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    So I've been having trouble with watching porn these couple days, I just keep going back to it but never edging or anything else... the thing is I can't bring myself to edge or relapse because I know that 5-second pleasure isn't worth it as it'll be accompanied by guilt and regret. I'm going to reset this counter again and hopefully I could be tougher this time. Hope you guys are doing well.
     
  6. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, sorry been away for a while - life has been getting in the way as it were

    I have been neglecting the group for a while and had got out of the habit of checking in. This group really shows it's worth that my streaks without this group have been poor and it has been easier to make excuses to watch porn.

    I believe now that me pmoing is a now more of a habit for me and that I am not dependent on having to pmo. This was proven to me when the other night I got back from work and lay on the bed - I was tired - I was mentally bored - and my phone was on the bed side table. Without even any rational thought I had grabbed the phone and was opening an incognito browser. Then i was thinking of dirty things to put in the search bar. My mind then took over and was like woah woah what the hell - I wasnt horny and like @Legit has said I thought it was disgusting and wanted no part of it - it made me irritable to think that my mind could get carried away so quick.

    But its unconscious thought which in a way is good - I know I don't want it and that's it a habit that I need to break.

    I fully recommend the book the power of habit by Charles duhigg for breaking and replacing a habit.

    I am now putting my phone on charge in the kitchen as soon as I get back from work and I cant tell you how much easier the urges have been. Just the sight of my phone by the bed would trigger me and now i get the urges but because the phone is so far away i have to pass through more barriers and i can more easily say no and most of the time the urges haven't started in the first place.

    Hope you guys are all doing well, apologies for the absence I will be more active from now on
     
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  7. AplhaGoku

    AplhaGoku Fapstronaut

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    Guys ibwant support.
    I have been struggling with this for past 20 years
    Please help me godddd.
    I wanna become pure again.
    I want to stop for atleast 30 days.
    My life is messed up just because of this and i cant can it awayyyyy
     
  8. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, guys... this is going to be one serious post. So, I just feel bad that I keep going back to watching porn... I simply just can't stop as I finally found one video that gives me excitement. I have not edged or done anything serious with that video, I've only been watching it and that's all.

    It finally hit me pretty hard that I don't want to be a guy who needs to watch that to feel good. Like, I always knew that I shouldn't watch that since I'll eventually have to consider it a relapse and reset my counter, but I would still watch it because I want something to cheaply excite me. I still feel disgusted when I watch porn since 98% of it makes me feel disgusted, but this one video is gold if I'm to be brutally honest. It's like one of the best videos I've stumbled upon... I'm not proud to say that, but I feel like I need to share out this side of me just to give an example of how porn can make you feel... Also, I don't want to delete that video because it's a good one, but I'm still going to do it. I gotta become 100% determined and serious about this addiction because I don't like the idea of being a guy who constantly watches porn to get excited.

    I've been reading a lot of NoFap stories on reddit and yeah.... I've read how one guy who is nearly going to become 30 and how he said to stop watching that filth and stop jerking it. It then hit me that I'm kinda scared to be 10 years in the future and still need to watch that. Guys... it's time to get f*cking serious and give it my all... I hope all of you guys beat this disgusting addiction as soon as possible and become better people...
     
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  9. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Checking in Day 2

    I have felt low yesterday - don't want to socialise with anyone, dead dick, emotional low.

    I felt tired very quickly and had to get lots of sleep last night - had some urges when in bed but as my phone was nowhere to be seen it was easy to ignore them

    Here's to a better day!
     
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  10. AplhaGoku

    AplhaGoku Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 and 3 hours
    Eyes are blurred
    Mind fog
    Too tensed
     
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  11. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    @Halibut welcome back bro! Missed you for sure!

    Checking in and things have been going super well guys. I have been disciplined in keeping my internet locked up each day during work hours when I don't have a valid reason to use it. Also, the last couple days - I've noticed urges coming, but I've been able to ride them out surprisingly well - which I believe is happening for two reasons.

    1. The difficulty of accessing real porn. Right now, at my house, I would have to work insanely hard to find true porn (mainly because of the "freedom" app and open dns wifi-filter) - and my phones internet shut down as well (with only a few select sites whitelisted) - with my wife in possession of the password to unlock my phones internet. @Legit1 Let's be honest - we all have "those" videos that are extremely hard to resist. I know I have my weaknesses for sure. If given the consistent opportunity to watch those - for me personally - I might never have a prayer of beating porn. I think the bigger key is not being able to access it easily - whatever that means for your situation. There are resources out there that can greatly help.

    2. I'm making slow and steady gains in self-control because of the overall improvement I'm making in this fight. The key word is "improvement". The battle is slow and steady - but the hard work we're putting in here guys is paying off. I know that after a day of PMO - you will seriously doubt that you are making progress. But believe me, it is happening. I think a huge part that has helped my self-control is a mindset shift because of the sexual transmutation discussion that happened a few months ago on here. Basically, just a lot more motivation to avoid "O" unnesecarilly because it robs that essential male life force that can be used to accomplish so damn much.

    Don't give up guys. Keep working every day to find what it takes for you to stay away from porn and also replace it with something better.
     
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  12. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I'm going to take your advice and your methods of trying to make porn inaccessible. I still haven't set any barriers from porn, I can just go 'incognito mode' and then watch it ASAP. I'm going to find some ways to set up barriers as well. This whole time I've been relying on willpower, which sadly is not enough.

    I've had those split second thoughts where I'm saying "Let's get a quick peek", but I immediately thought how I just spilled my emotions yesterday in this group, so that held me back pretty good. I swear, it feels awesome to talk and share out anything that relates to this negative addiction.

    @Halibut And for sure, it's good having you back! I thought you threw the towel and the guilt held you back from coming back here.
     
  13. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    To get in the group it's best to message @Halibut because there's a lot of posts on here that he misses sometimes. I think you may have a chance since a lot of people have went inactive.
     
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  14. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @pourover24, feels good to be back, good to hear you are getting on well mate - you sound like you have got your barriers in place nicely.

    @Legit1 not quite thrown in the towel yet ;) I noticed that without any accountancy for my actions it feels like I am on my own in this fight, yet when I can relate my struggles with you guys on here its the best thing.

    Definitely work on those barriers man, without a lie just having my phone away in the kitchen has saved my every evening this week from relapse!
     
  15. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Hey @AplhaGoku, like legit1 has said there will be some spaces soon, I am going to reshuffle the leaderboard sometime this weekend and sort out getting some fresh faces into the group, keep up the fight mate.

    Check in day 3:

    Yesterday was better than day 2

    I felt a bit more relaxed and less emotional. I wanted to talk to people more - and was overall a bit more upbeat.

    There is an element of anxiety in the back of my mind that usually dissipates as the streak goes on. Sometimes I wonder if its more to do with the shame element and as I gain more days in the streak I feel more proud of myself and the shame reduces and so does the anxiety

    Still flat lining below the belt - and the temptation to look at material to 'test the waters' is on my mind - but i know this is always just a step backwards

    All the best guys
     
  16. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in guys, and feeling a bit down this morning. I got off to a bit of a strange start today with working a bit on patching up my gutters before the day got hot - so I now have a 2-hour late start to trying to get my work items finished for this day. This always throws me off and leaves me feeling low on motivation. I also have a sore throat, a bit of a headache and a painful canker sore (sob). So, I'm in a bit of a funk. I think I'm going to try to hunker down and get a good chunk of my work done for the next few hours - see where I can get. Hope you guys have a good day.
     
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  17. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Check in day 4:

    Yesterday was better than day 3 - at least I know I am going in the right direction

    Had a low moment in the middle of the day but this went fairly quickly - getting up this morning I feel better in myself.
     
  18. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    So I felt like relapsing yesterday by watching porn. The day was frustrating as I was driving a lot and the amount of idiots driving pissed me off a lot, and the heat over here made it worse. I was in a bad mood but decided if I relapse I'm still going to be in a bad mood, only difference is that I would ease up some tension and then knock out to forget everything.

    Today I've been getting random flashbacks from some porn scenes but I immediately try to forget them. I feel disgusted that I'm remembering them, but I guess they're just a minor withdrawal that just started today.

    Edit: I got a question for you guys. So if any of you ever end up fully healing yourselves from this addiction, will you guys ever go back to fapping but keep it in strict moderation? Just asking this because I'm aiming on going 2 years without fapping and at least 1 year without watching porn. I'm only saying 1 year without watching porn because it's still kinda hard for me to resist it, but fapping and relapsing is under good control. So fast forward, if I end up making a full recovery from this addiction I'm actually thinking of maybe one relapse every two months. That's how I feel in the current moment, just because I don't know how drastically my life will change after 2 years. Hey, maybe it'll be so awesome that I won't even need it anymore! No one knows. But yeah, I would like to hear your plans with NoFap after you guys make a full recovery, just so I can see how others would change.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2019
  19. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in guys - got hit with some urges this morning and ended up edging a bit to some pics - wasn't able to find any true porn movies but in the spirit of trying to keep my streak pure, I must reset.

    I wasted probably an hour - largely just searching through different pictures - and I didn't feel great afterword. However, I did finally manage to pull myself away by forcing myself to stop edging - and the excitement with the pictures quickly faded away. I'm glad that I had the strength to pull myself away when I had found a small loophole in my blocker (and I quickly added the site to my "always block" list). However, I'm disappointed that I even got started in the first place. All in all, it certainly wasn't the worst situation - but not good - hence the reset and a nod once again to hopefully the purest days that lie ahead.
     
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  20. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    @Legit1 - to answer your question my aim is to never go back to porn. Porn has no positive benefits. Tbh I dont think I would go back to masturbation either as i feel that will trigger me to much and send me back down the rabbit hole.
    I once did 90days porn free and went back to porn on day 91 and have been struggling to get back to being porn free again for the last 3yrs plus.
    This may be a it different if you have gone a whole year - the neural connections would not be so strong.
    You might, like you say, be able to go back to fapping in moderation but I would not take that risk myself.

    I believe in sex transmutation - and that sexual energy is the most powerful energy a human being can possess and to release that to porn or masturbation is a waste.

    I think you wont want to go back to fapping after that time, when you say you are thinking of controlled releases in you current frame of mind - why is that? Due to needing to release tension?
     

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