Any Age Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Halibut, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in - DAMN. Another day with a lot of struggles with urges. I've tried to really be aware of where my thoughts are at today - and I think I came up with a couple of realizations:

    1) Often when I get to around the 30+ day mark in the past, which has been fairly rare, I reach a breaking point. Urges start to overwhelm me to the point that I can't seem to think about anything else. My dick often will almost feel throbby - like it is craving PMO. It fucking sucks so bad. I don't know how else to put it. It seems to be almost all I can think about - people talk about urges going away - but these seem like they are harder for some reason to escape. However, I want to make it this time.

    2) The urges seem to originate from a need to find relief from these feelings - not even necessarily to look at P. Its like I feel miserable as a person in these moments - almost like bodily - there seems to be very real pain. But from what - I'm not sure - but its like my body and mind are going into depression in a way. In these moments, which I felt a lot of today - I just wanted to be set free from it - and it seemed that the only way was to do PMO.

    I didn't give in, but this is hard. Right now, all our kids are home - I have no time to get anything done - and I'm trying to maintain my sanity (with my wife by my side) as we try to maintain order while total chaos seems around the corner at every moment. Making food for kids, now trying to homeschool them - and just generally trying survive the chaos. At times, I've found enjoyment. At other times, I feel miserable and helpless.

    Well, there it is. I'm pretty raw right now - I hope you guys are keeping up the good fight.
     
    Journey to Resilience and Legit1 like this.
  2. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Wow... thanks a lot for sharing out, I really needed to read something like that. I've honestly been thinking I'm the only one feeling depressed and craving to watch porn in order to alleviate these feelings.

    Let's keep on going, bro! It's tough as hell, but it has to get better soon enough, it just has to.
     
  3. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Finally at day 60. Pretty sure I'm at a point where my brain has stopped the benefits in order to trick me into relapse. Symptoms I'm feeling are agitation, low energy, feeling dull, and can't think straight at some points. I'm sure all these symptoms are there in order to convince me that this NoFap thing is useless.

    No matter how negative I'm feeling I won't relapse. I won't lie, this thing is tough as heck, because at some points I feel like throwing it away. But I know that I must give it more time, even though this type of setback occured 4 days ago. I just need to keep being strong no matter how tough it's been getting.

    Also, I'm not sure how much I'm able to go, but I honestly feel if these symptoms keep on going -- I feel like I'm going to last about 3 more days. I really am not looking towards a relapse, but that's how bad my recovery is going... this thing just sucks
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2020
  4. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    3-21-20: Day 4
    • I am typing this in the middle of the night because I was woken up with strong urges.
    • I don't want to look at P and I will do everything not to.
    • I realized just how dependent I am on P. On average, I do PM 1-2 times daily. When I give it effort, I usually last 1-2 days although it's still not much. I believe that I just have to keep pushing through this.
    • I am making my goals a lot smaller. 3 days is already an accomplishment for me. If I can aim for the week or at least 5 days, it would already be a victory to me. I know I have such a long way to go, but I need to keep going.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2020
    Halibut likes this.
  5. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Damn... I'm grateful that most of these symptoms have parted away... I swear, I was feeling so damn trashy that I felt I would have some sort of mental breakdown if these symptoms would have gone for 4 more days. Man... I must keep on going.

    I will record this setback in my memories to make sure I will always keep on going. I kept on going these last 4 days because I would remind of how I was feeling almost the same during day 21 to day 27 on this streak, which was enough fuel to make me not want to relapse and go through all this crap again.
     
  6. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Hello all, sorry for the gap inbetween posts - have been moving into a new flat and been busy with work

    Unfortunately its going to be one of those posts - confessing a relapse yesterday :(

    This one is a hard one to admit to after such a long streak but I need to draw a line in the sand to get past it or I will just keep making excuses

    you dont make any change until you run out of 'buts'!

    I am going to reset the counter to 0 but I do not think that I have reversed all my progress - I want the feeling of pride by getting through those 90days without having to use porn as a vice to combat my stress, boredom or pure habit.

    I am taking hope in the fact that in those 45ish days that I never 'o'ed to porn - so that will help somewhat to recovery.

    Keep going guys, its a rough road this journey to recovery

    I will match you guys in abstinence April!
     
    MillionairePill and Legit1 like this.
  7. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Glad you kept going @Legit1 - good to see such great numbers on the board
     
  8. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    Day 7: 3-23-20
    • Finished Day 6. On Day 7.
    • I am really surprised I made it this far :eek:! Normally, I last only 1-2 days. 3 at most. I am taking it one day at a time, though.
    • I did have temptations, but I also prayed a lot and had work which helped out a lot. I also watched NoFap videos when the urges arose.
    • There are these two channels that helped me through recent temptations: "Unapologetically Free" and "Teachingmensfashion".
    • "Free" is specifically for NoFap and there's a lot of good insight to PM addiction itself. I would definitely recommend it even though there hasn't been new videos in months. Again, still great insights!
    • "Mens Fashion" is exactly how it sounds, a channel focusing on mens fashion and self-improvement. However, there were 2 videos on quitting porn that saved me from relapsing. I'll link those too.
    Unapologetically Free:
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVuDWpFicAWrAtrkojYwAHg


    Teachingmensfashion:

     
  9. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 63. It only gets tougher to relapse since I'm already pretty far, and also the idea to get to other milestones like day 90, day 120 and so on seems awesome to achieve. If I relapse, then it'll only take longer to get to those milestones.
     
    Journey to Resilience likes this.
  10. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    Day 8: 3-24-20
    :emoji_star2::emoji_tada:Finished Day 7!!!:emoji_tada::emoji_star2:
    • Working on Day 8. Hoping to beat my recent record of 9 days.
    • Had a lot of temptations. I did entertain sexual thoughts, but mostly just let them pass by. Although I did ultimately talk myself out of the urges.
    • Currently feeling well. In a good mood. I will pray more in case I need to combat the urges later today.
     
  11. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    Day 9: 3-25-20
    • Finished Day 8. On Day 9.
    • Almost fell for the urges, but SCA and prayer helped a lot. It's not getting any easier, but I'll keep going for as long as I can. If I can finish today, I'll be able to break my 9-day-streak.
     
  12. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 65. Wow... I got no idea what's happening, but here it goes. Just today I've been having my lips crazy dry throughout the day, which is just weird because the last time I had dry lips was when I was in high school in 9th grade. Also, I'm getting some strong urges that are telling me to relapse, but I know better not to. I relapse, and then what? I'm just going to be in deep regret.

    Only two ways to go -- relapse and feel like crap afterwards, or keep on going with my progress? Keep on going, always.
     
    L1ster likes this.
  13. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

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    I am new here 20m been trying to quit for 3 years.I just returned from a binge and hope this will be my list time starting over.I plan on posting here daily .
    Stay strong
     
  14. :)-keepsmiling

    :)-keepsmiling Fapstronaut

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    When you don't find stability in LIFE look at the BLUE SKY and wonder how STABLE it is.
     
  15. L1ster

    L1ster Fapstronaut

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    Day 5. I'm sorry I was not accountable, as I did not change my day counter in a while. But a lot of things have been going on and I did not feel like spending time on writing status reports on here. Now as you might have figured out, unfortunately I did not manage a streak of 26 days - which would be a record for me. Instead, I relapsed twice during that time period. Most recently last Tuesday and on the 12/03/2020 - you see I still payed attention to NoFap-ing.
     
  16. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 69. Man... I feel like trash again, but I think it's because I've been pushing the healing process. I've noticed that the last couple days when I take cold showers, I end up feeling negative after 30 minutes after the shower, and then it worsens after an hour or two. And I'm sure taking some herbs for detoxification and changing my eating habits has also been pushing my body and my brain to change for the betterment.

    Just 10 minutes ago I woke up from a nap and felt a lot of frustration within me, so I went to the bathroom and then felt like relapsing over there. A crazy urge just spiked up when I went there, and the frustration just pushed me to want to relapse. I was getting close to start the process, but I immediately thought of how maybe I'm feeling like this because I'm accelerating the healing process by these habit changes. So I immediately snapped out of it and now I'm here sharing out.

    I'll be brutally honest though -- this NoFap thing really will bring some crappy days where you need to increase your mental strength in order to avoid relapsing, and in doing so, you end up feeling drained and frustrated. It's just horrible...
     
  17. muhagg

    muhagg Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed again I need to start taking this more seriously so from now on I am going to start posting here daily
     
  18. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Checking on day 75. I won't go into too much detail of my symptoms, because it's one of those times where it's all negative.

    Lately, the past 3 days, I've noticed that I'm going through so much negativity that I'm just feeling absolutely negative. I swear, it's like my brain is using everything it has in order to make me relapse.

    A bit ago, I was getting close to watching porn and relapse, but I got out of it and decided to take a cold shower. Once I jumped in the shower, I couldn't do it... I felt like I was too sensitive for the cold water this time. I guess the only thing to do is to ride it out and strongly hope for a better day to come... god I hate these type of days
     
  19. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. Relapsed today. I was on hiatus for a bit, but I will take my recovery a lot more seriously now.
     
  20. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    So I'm on day 76 and now it seems that I've gotten better overnight. The symptoms I had yesterday were tiredness, irritability, inability to think straight, and some depression along with frustration. Then physical wise I looked tired, had a pale face, acne popping up, and also some pain in my lower back.

    Also, it took me a bit of thinking, and I realized that I was feeling like drug addict. There was a strong urge to relapse in order to numb myself, very strong. But the whole time I knew that if I relapse I'll be in regret and dissatisfied, because it's a very short feeling that's accompanied with that nasty and uncomfortable feeling that tells you to stop. Once you're done, you just can't keep on going because there's no pleasure, your dick just feels uncomfortable and nasty to keep on stroking it, and then 'negativity' will run throughout your mind and body. So the only thing to do was to keep on pushing no matter how crappy I was feeling.

    The whole time I 100% knew I'm in a fight with my brain. Because today, most of those symptoms faded and I feel like I'm returning to my normal self. The whole NoFap or recovery process has brutal times where your brain really just wants that dopamine hit, and it'll do everything to demoralize you by bringing you down and destroying you mentally. Fuck, man... I wish it wasn't like this, but I guess this is the process where IF we keep on winning against everything our brain throws at us, then it'll rewire itself little by little until it knows that YOU are the one in charge.

    Let's keep on going, guys! We need to make this year meaningful by getting out of the shackles that porn and masturbation put us in!
     

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