Any Age Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Halibut, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys - I relapsed, unfortunately. I've made progress but obviously am not quite where I want to be. This season of being basically in a lock down has been hard for me and I find it difficult to look forward to anything right now - which has made porn seem more enticing. I'll try to get on and post some more soon.
     
  2. L1ster

    L1ster Fapstronaut

    Day 5. I have had a lot of urges since my relapse. I was actually just about to go onto a bad website but managed to get myself to come here instead.
    What I hate the most about my urges is that they are not simply sexual arousal. Instead they are either that bundled with flashbacks to P or equally as often they are simply mindless impulses to start masturbating - with the most common trigger being simply sitting alone in front of my computer.

    I despise my urges. I despise what they compel me to do and I despise the divergence between who I want to be and what is going on inside my head.

    I know that it is possible to refuse to give into urges and I know one can avoid triggers, I know distracting oneself with a productive activity can help and I know that the purpose of rebooting is for us to eventually liberate ourselves from all this. But is there anything I can do right now to lessen the amount of urges I get?

    To better understand my situation, the circumstance which acts as my biggest trigger is sitting alone at the desk where I'm always sitting while being in front of the computer I use practically everyday. I have other significant triggers of course but this one is particularly infuriating. As I after all need to use my computer for many productive things but doing so is simultaneously a trigger.

    Just to brainstorm some ideas myself, maybe it would help to...
    • Change where I'm sitting.
    • Change what I'm sitting on.
    • Change the things and looks of things my computer displays. (E.g. colors, alignment or general aesthetic of its user interface).
    • Block specific websites... though I would rather refrain from doing that for a variety of reasons.
    I will probably try out doing some of these things. Though I don't know which of them would help if any at all. As I am unsure of all the sensory queues or stimuli this trigger is consisted of. For example does the way I feel my chair, or the colors I see on my computer screen contribute to the triggering effect? I don't know but it would be interesting to find out. :D
     
  3. CaptainFranklin

    CaptainFranklin Fapstronaut

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    great work!!!
     
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  4. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 108. A few hours ago I was about to start the process to relapse... I wasn't even full of urges or any of that. The heat and the boredom somewhat got to me and I wanted to go down that road and get some sort of fullfilment by it. But right now I just feel disgusted with myself... I didn't edged or anything, but I just don't feel okay that I was going down that road. For some deep reason that I don't fully comprehend, I'm just feeling disgusted and like trash.

    Also, I forgot to mention that my face is having that nice glow to it alongside with some clear skin. These 2 benefits have increased my confidence! It's why I want to keep on going just so I can keep these benefits and hopefully gain more other benefits
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2020
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  5. DragonHeating

    DragonHeating Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys! Feels sort of weird coming here again from a long time ago. News is i relapsed at day 96 (depression hit me like a missile the second i did that). Now im basicly struggling to even go 5 days (yes its that bad) but dont worry ill find a way to get back on my feet, sooner or later.
     
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  6. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in on day 113. So I was feeling good the last couple days, but today is when I noticed that some sharp urges and frustration have paired up to make me wants to relapse. So close I was going to watch porn and see if I could find anything, but I calmed myself down and asserted myself that this setback will eventually pass and that I'll feel good again if I keep on going. Because as soon as I relapse, my problems will only get numbed and still be there. I'm still going to keep on going, guys! We gotta be strong as possible when everything seems to be crumbling.
     
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  7. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 117. Man... Honestly, I'm feeling like giving up... Just some hours ago I got into yet another physical fight with an older brother of mine. I punched him first since he shoved me as I was getting water and then we just went at it. I got 2 small bruises on that little side apart from my right eye. But somehow I had no type of serious pain from the fight, just a bit of pain on the right side of my head.

    We haven't been cool with each other for a long time, and that's because he's a damn useless person. 25 years old, never had a job, treats my mom like trash, dropped out of school in 8th grade, and more shit.

    I was totally feeling like I won't turn to porn and masturbation for some pleasure, but damn... can't help myself. I just want to relapse and numb myself. But damn... I know it's a deceitful act that will only leave me in regret, anger, and in pure disgust. Ugh. Really just not feeling like myself at the moment.
     
  8. L1ster

    L1ster Fapstronaut

    @Legit1 Don't give up man! You're doing amazing and I cannot stress enough how inspiring your perseverance is. You have truly come very far by now and it would simply be horrible to waste any of it. There's nothing else you should be doing now except for marching forward and improving yourself. I truly admire your commitment to this and how you remind yourself of what it is like to relapse - which is something I need to start doing more myself.

    About your brother, remember that you cannot change who he is nor what he chooses to do with himself. Still I hope that it will be possible to avoid having this tension between you escalate like that in the future. Regardless, you should be proud of yourself for being the one who is choosing to pursue a path of self-betterment. Keep that up!!!
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2020
    Legit1 likes this.
  9. L1ster

    L1ster Fapstronaut

    I relapsed today. I hope I will stay more committed this time. But I guess I cannot expect much if I don't take some steps for improving how I go about this. By far my biggest cause of relapse is letting in urges and backwards thoughts about relapsing. As they have made me make the choice to intentionally relapse countless of times in the past. So from now on I want to develop a habit or impulse to automatically turn my attention to something pre-chosen each time I have urges. Maybe it will be writing them down or doing a thankfulness exercise, I have not decided that yet.
     
  10. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah... I'm still going on, but it's been tough for sure. I keep saying myself that I need to keep this recovery process going and going until I finally feel fully healed, and it's better to get it done as soon as possible. I'm now at day 120 (4 months)
     
  11. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Get back on track as soon as possible! I just checked your profile and seen that you're 16 years old, which is really awesome! If I were you, I would stop relapsing as soon as possible. Trust me, this damn addiction really won't bring you anything that you'll be proud of. It doesn't matter if you relapse and enjoy the feeling of it, because you actually make more damage to yourself that outweighs the pleasure of it so damn easily. You got this, bro! Get on the path of NoFap and stay there! You're on the right track over here.
     
  12. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 124. This NoFap is like a rollercoaster... there's days when I feel worse and after 2-3 days I feel like I get better, but then the bad days come back very quick. Yesterday, I was feeling good and had the benefits showing up, but today I feel so damn bored with low energy. I think I may approach a flatline soon enough? Because my libido is low and even the idea of porn seems ugly and stupid... I don't know, but it feels like all of this is just a big brain fog where I can't even think straight.

    I'm going to ride it out, though. I drilled the idea that this short pleasure is nothing meaningful and is all overhype. But anyways... I don't even feel like relapsing, I just feel like a sloth today.
     
  13. L1ster

    L1ster Fapstronaut

    Dudes I feel absolutely horrible right now. There's no other way to put it. This week was going incredibly well and my confidence levels were superb after the first week of abstinence but then today, I choose to be irresponsible and made myself relapse. This was at the worst time possible and I cannot state how incredibly much I regret it.

    For my future-self:

    i love you bud. i dream about you achieving the most meaningful level of existence possible. However today i betrayed both You and me. Because of this, i will have to suffer. You on the other hand should not feel guilty for that i failed You. Instead, You must promise to forever treasure the lesson that there's nothing more existentially disappointing than betraying your own conscience. Although us humans will always be challenged by vicious temptation and urges, I don't want You to surrender to them, like i did without even putting up a fight. Trust me, whatever the devil might be telling you sometimes, You DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN. There's nothing more true than that, PERIOD.
     
  14. Howyadoin

    Howyadoin New Fapstronaut

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    I have read the rules and would like to become an AP. I am a 21 yr old college undergrad athletic male looking for someone around my age to check in and move past this behavior together!
     
  15. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Day 130! I swear, this NoFap thing is truth! I'm feeling the benefits getting quite noticeable since yesterday! There's definitely been some rough and bumpy times due to the withdrawals and urges, but I'm 100% happy that I kept on going! I swear to you, guys, I will keep on going and make this streak the biggest and most meaningful one. I'm totally cool if I get some nasty and tough days, because I'm aware that I'm still not all the way there as I would like. But one day at a time, and I'll eventually get there!

    Side note: 3 days ago I've hiked 14 miles in 3 days with two days at 4 miles and the 3rd day at 6 miles. It took me 1 day to recover from soreness in my feet. Then the next day I dry fasted for 29 hours. And then today I went back to another hike and did 7 miles! Came home and took a long cold shower! I'm definitely making some progress.
     
  16. DyingStar

    DyingStar Fapstronaut

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    Day 17. Haven't been the most productive but no real craving for PMO in sight. So that's a positive.
     
  17. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    I am checking in for today. I went on a binge more or less. There are some things I need to sort out first. But thank you for your patience.
     
  18. Legit1

    Legit1 Fapstronaut

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    Seems like this group is going to die soon enough. I'm just going to go out and say that if it keeps on being like this, then this post will be my very last post in this thread.

    Anyways... I'm currently at day 135. Yesterday, I felt like I was going down again and I was actually contemplating the need to relapse, but I immediately looked at myself in the mirror and told myself "Hey man, keep on going, I know you're feeling like the benefits have dissapeared, but keep on going. Never forget that the short-term pleasure you're seeking isn't going to relieve your stress and frustration." And so I made it through yesterday and I'm still standing to this day.

    Today I've noticed a stronger glow in my face, but I know to never get too cocky, because there's more benefits around the corner. I truly know that the benefits will keep on getting better if I keep on going. I keep that image of how I looked when I was in 10th grade -- my skin was caramel brown instead of pale, had clear skin, had no dark circles, eyes looked sharp, hair was easily manageable and looked stylish, my confidence was sky high, and I had so much "game" (ability to attract women) without even trying. If it takes me 2 years to fully recover, so be it! I want my life back with everything I got, and I will keep on going until i have it! I don't care for the withdrawals and urges anymore, because my willpower and determination are at another level where I would rather break apart and cry uncontrollably first instead of relapsing.
     
  19. Journey to Resilience

    Journey to Resilience Fapstronaut

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    You can get dark circles from M? I did not know that!
     
  20. DragonHeating

    DragonHeating Fapstronaut

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    So that explains why i used to have so many? Huh.
     

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