Any Age Accountability Group

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Halibut, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. bebetter1312

    bebetter1312 Fapstronaut

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    Ive been MIA for a while, after i relapsed i went into a shame spiral which involved me binging then hating myself, staying away for a couple days then binging again. Im officially restarting today my last record was 9 days, im really hoping i can beat that this time around.
     
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  2. RTBFOP

    RTBFOP Fapstronaut

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    @bebetter1312 This is what this addiction does to us. Your brain is sitting there telling you how great PMO is. Its one of the most rewarding things you've been experiencing for so long. But shortly after the high comes the low. I've been there. You get down so what better than some more PMO to try and bring you back up again. It can be and endless cycle. The important thing is you can back here and are ready to try again. I've put many things on here about eliminating access to porn replacing with new habit talking to people about your addiction. These are things that are necessary to beat this. Stealing a line from the podcast i listen to. "Porn is very comfortable to us. You have to be willing to go into uncomfortable territory to beat it." I don't want to seem like I'm coming down on you or anyone when I give advice I'm just sharing my experience of my past 2 years fighting this. Until recently when I really got all the tools and put a plan in place I was just floating in the ocean with out a life jacket. I could swim for awhile but eventually would sink. Now I don't feel that way anymore. I have life jacket, life boat, satellite phone , flare gun, and I'm not even in an ocean I'm in a small swimming pool. Maybe a dumb analogy but that's how I feel I guess. Once I started doing all that stuff and opened up about my addiction I don't feel so alone and like I'm in hiding. Things have gotten much easier. Is getting 30 days 60 days 90 day even a lifetime going to be tough? Hell yes it is, but I have all the things in my boat to get me there if I run into trouble along the way. Start shopping and fill up your boat. You have to go into the uncomfortable place in order to beat this addiction that is so comfortable...
     
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  3. pourover24

    pourover24 Fapstronaut

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    @Halibut: Thanks for your encouraging words man, it really helps as I get started on my morning.
     
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  4. Realquiter

    Realquiter Fapstronaut

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    Beautiful message. Also loved the analogy.
     
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  5. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    Well, that sucked. Had seven days under my belt and PMO'd an hour ago. I tossed and turned all night fighting urges. Yesterday, I was thinking how nice the flatline process would be, the time when sexual urges disappear for a period. Nothing to do but start racking up the days again. At least I know I can do seven days. Maybe next time I can do eight.
     
  6. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Try not to let it get you down and yes, as you said... nothing to do but start racking up the days again! Were you aware of any triggers that may have caused the episode? I believe if we are learning, then it is all worthwhile. I struggled last week one morning at around 2AM, got up and logged on here, documented my struggle (hoping someone would see/help), but regardless, I read various forums... there are words of inspiration everywhere!
     
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  7. RTBFOP

    RTBFOP Fapstronaut

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    @Pashka You made it seven days thats meeting a goal. You know you can make 7 now shoot for 14. What got you this time? A website ?pictures? fantasy? Stress or a bad day? You know what got you learn from it and take steps to avoid/ eliminate it. Keep going buddy learn from the relapse and strive for that new goal even if its 8 days. Like i said in a recent post start filling your boat so you are prepared when difficult times come.
     
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  8. freedomispossible

    freedomispossible Fapstronaut

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    I messed up my streak but I messed it up on sunday. I forgot to log in these days. That's why I didn't update.
     
  9. SteveUk

    SteveUk Fapstronaut

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    Another week another checkin. All going well so far, a couple of temptations but nothing too strong still, seems weird, before I started this and admitted my issue the cravings at times were so bad. But so far all is going ok.

    I am not saying there have been zero cravings, that would be a lie. But when they are there they have been easier to deal with. I have also identified a couple of behaviours that don't help matters to trying to avoid those as much as possible to.

    Keep strong everyone! We got this!
     
  10. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    Two pieces of bad news hit me, one after the other. Urges to PMO had been pretty strong for two days already. When I received two phone calls I didn't want to get, I stopped caring about recovery.

    Today is a new day, however, and a new chance to get things right. The responses from the forum are very heartening. Thank you, everyone.
     
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  11. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    It is true, this is a good place to find inspiration. As I mentioned above, I got some bad news which put me in a spiral. To make a long story short, I lost my job recently. Re-entering the workforce at age 54 is not fun. The challenges I am going through require a strong spirit and clear mind. The recovery process can make one fuzzy-headed and irritable, but if I am going to succeed I simply have to become a better person than I am now.

    As I mentioned previously, this forum is a big help and a needed shot-in-the-arm. Thanks to all.
     
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  12. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    I slipped up again.
    I am going to not dwell on my mistake but think about what I can do this time to increase my chance of success.

    Triggers:
    1. Day off - nothing planned = boredom
    2. Home alone
    3. Didn't go to the gym - bundled up sexual tension - deal better with work stress
    4. Instagram installed on phone - easy to find provoking images
    5. Laptop in bed - habitual relapse trigger
    Solutions:

    1. Plan day the night before - keep busy
    2. Visit parents/ friends when feeling urges
    3. Make a gym schedule - gym gear easy access to make going less of a chore.
    4. Instagram removed - facebook and snapchat also removed
    5. Laptop battery removed - put in hard to access box
    6. Listening to porn free radio - honestly guys give it a listen it has some good content!
    7. Buy phone holder to keep phone in kitchen - away from bedroom - phone stays in kitchen
    8. Set a consequence - something talked about on the podcast, set a consequence that will put you off relapsing
    It feels good to be able to state my accountability to you guys, its difficult to accept that you have slipped up but I am proud of myself and each one of you who owns up to a relapse. It takes courage to account for your actions. But as I am looking to say with this post:

    'failure is success if we learn from it'
     
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  13. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I saw that. Sorry about the double dose of bad news as well as the loss of your job. I have been involved in company downsizing more than once and the last time was three years ago, when I was also 54. Completely agree that it is not fun, but what I found was that each time I end up in a better place... so stay focused on the prize (the next job and continued recovery) and know that things have a way of working themselves out.
     
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  14. Pashka

    Pashka Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your honesty, @Halibut . I am impressed by the analysis you've done of your situation and by your attitude. You are certainly on the right track.
     
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  15. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Pashka, I feel that the best thing to do after a set back is to see why it happened and come up with some strategy to make it harder to happen again. All the best with the job search, stay strong pashka!

    To make myself accountable for any further relapse I want to let you all know my consequence for any future relapse: 30 days without video games, netflix, youtube.

    If I report that I have relapsed - please please hold me to this consequence.

    I think this is a good consequence to set as these things I enjoy daily and removing them puts fear into me - hopefully preventing relapse. Also if I do happen to relapse, taking away these high dopamine activities will aid in my recovery.
     
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  16. PolarOtter

    PolarOtter Fapstronaut

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    I have to agree with Pashka... awesome analysis you have done and how great that you have shared, since it benefits us all! Many fantastic tips and the one that hits home with me is taking the laptop to the bedroom, such a no-no for me anymore. It remains downstairs at all times!

    The next time I notice a relapse (although I believe with all of the solutions you've put into place, not to mention the consequence you've shared with us... you are going to see a marked improvement!), I will per your request, ask if you have eliminated video games, netflix and youtube. How about I also ask about the trigger?
     
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  17. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @PolarOtter, if you could do that that would be amazing man, would help me out a lot! Haha yes got to keep those sort of things out of the bedroom!

    Well done on the streak by the way, over halfway to 90days!
     
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  18. bebetter1312

    bebetter1312 Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed again at 5 days.... I want to go into a shame spiral but i know that doesnt help. Just going to get back up and try again. Thank you for all your support.
     
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  19. mindseyeopen

    mindseyeopen Fapstronaut

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    Checkin’ in. Doing well, and have kept my mind off the thought of relapsing. It’s been difficult a few times, but the positive effects vastly outweigh the few minutes of a dopamine rush, and then the extreme guilt afterwards. Keep fightin’ the good fight, y’all.
     
  20. Halibut

    Halibut Fapstronaut

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    Dont get into that spiral man, jump back on the horse, dont feel shame, feel proud that you went the 5 days and carry on. Do you know what triggered your relapse this time? Anything you can do different now to help prevent further relapse?
     
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