Any other females in this section? Plus choosing the real over PM

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Tesslynne, Apr 6, 2017.

  1. Tesslynne

    Tesslynne Guest

    Firstly, sighhhhhh this seems to be very very male-heavy. I'm wondering if there are any other females in this part, cos it'd be nice to share YOUR experiences?? Or am I literally the only female on NoFap who is NOT in a relationship and IS looking? :)

    Also, I'm making myself choose the REAL thing over PM.

    I have struggled SO much with this stupid addiction. But you know I can't kiss myself not really! I can't cuddle myself to sleep. I can't surprise myself with new jokes - even though I CAN make myself laugh!

    I want to stick to REAL interactions even though part of me is scared of intimacy at all and like oh but I can give you great orgasms! Yeah but at SUCH a high price! And I need to find that I need to want the real more than the fake, you know?

    it's so convenient cos it's RIGHT THERE. And meeting people for real takes time. With no guarantee of the physical being the same as on my own. But I can get things from REAL PEOPLE that I can never EVER EVER EVER get from masturbation and porn/porn subs.

    I just need to remember that and believe that enough to WAIT.

    I'm allowing myself sex if it happens. But I'm NOT allowing myself any more sex with MYSELF cos it's not really even sex, it's just a poor substitution. And it's never satisfied. And it can't meet those DEEPER needs, even if at times it pretends to. And it is FUCKING
    ME
    UP.

    ENOUGH.

    This HAS to STOP.
    NOW.
     
  2. Hey hon, I can say a bit on this. When I joined NoFap the last thing I thought would happen or wanted is getting my first boyfriend. We are long long distance and it's especially hard for me now that we worked past the hard the really hard questions because all we have left to do is IRL! I just want to cuddle and hug him. I recently tried incorporating sexting into our relationship but that still really isn't true intimacy. It really comes down to time and sticking to your morals. I am not having sex before marriage and I am not marrying a non-Christian man. Hope this helps. Feel free to PM with more personal questions :)
     
    Tesslynne likes this.
  3. stygian

    stygian Fapstronaut

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    You might get more/better responses if you have a specific question/topic of discussion. But as you've mentioned a whole bunch of different things, let me take a stab at some of them:

    Your post is full of rationalisations (convenience, great orgasms); clearly you are having urges and are in the throes of this. Is this your addiction talking for you? You've got to let all of that go. You can't want to be with yourself and want to have a relationship at the same time. As long as you have both, you are just torturing yourself. What have you tried/are you trying? People have mentioned cold showers and meditation as strategies.

    About sex, there is a thread down further on "Dating Books" and I recommended a book for women. It makes the point that if you are open to sex right away, you are inviting men who want a hook-up. Is that what you want or are you looking for a long-term relationship?
     
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