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Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ForgetFapping, Jun 28, 2015.
I feel you.
Yes and I hate it, I wish it would just go away.
I got the same fantasties as you mate,
Hope they'll disappear soon.
Got 2 suitcases full of lingerie and pink stuff worth a shitload of money..
Great advice, I have been doing the same. Facial hair and some muscles really kills the illusion! Hate that it always seemed I was pretending. Just want to be me and get past all this make believe crap.
I struggle with this same issue, and I have been "working through it" for a long time. My back story is on here in another forum.
Here is what I think I know ...
1. I believe that crossdressing fetish and "sissy" fantasy derive from low self esteem, feeling unwanted and unloved, and feeling unworthy of the love, attention, admiration, lust of others. In my case, it dates back to early childhood.
2. I did not ask for this fetish, nor do I wish that I was this way. I just am this way. I cannot change what turns me on, whether it is attractive women or the fantasy of being an attractive woman.
3. These two realization has given me some measure of self-compassion, which I think is key. If you are like me, this fetish in general (and sissy porn in particular) leave you feeling depressed, sad, worthless, broken, humiliated, lacking in self-worth, and on and on, every single time. I have come to belief that there is a connection, and that in a way, I am actually trying to cause this psychological harm to myself ... It is the only rational explanation for why I do something that, every single time, makes me feel terrible.
4. I am trying to extend the "self-compassion" and recognize that, whatever "this" is, it also contributes to who I am, good and bad. Perhaps I am a loving, supportive, attentive husband and father because I have this "aspect" to my psyche.
5. The hardest part for me is (and will remain) the secrecy. I cannot talk to anyway about this stuff, as it is too sick, twisted, perverted, ridiculous, and diametrically opposite everything else about me. But it is painful keeping secrets from my wife.
The more I research this (crossdressing, sissy fetish, autogynophelia), the more I feel like I am coming to terms with it, and understanding it, hopefully on the road to "recovery" from it, to the extent that is possible.
So I guess the most important "take away" from my way to long post, is this ... Self-compassion is important. Learning to love and accept yourself may be the best weapon in our arsenal.
I have similar fetishes. For me, they are rooted so deeply in my sexuality that I doubt I will ever stop having them; only moderate them. The alternative is to cut off my sex drive, but that's not something I would suggest for most people. It's not a problem 24/7, but I do go through periods when I become addicted. I find that focusing on a hobby helps keep the urge to look at porn away when this happens. Still, it is very hard to lose these fetishes entirely. Even when I do it without porn or clothes, I still fantasize. I would suggest moderation.
Maybe you can find answers why you have such fantasies. http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/sexual-extremes-and-exposure-to-porn.58384/
You will never really know if a fetish is innate unless you reboot.
I have tried rebooting. It won't work. I've had these feelings since I was 12. I have no way of comprehending why normal sexuality is pleasurable because I have never reacted to normal sexuality that way.
If you figured out that it was a permanent aspect of who you are and were able to accept it then that is great, the point is you were only able to come to that conclusion through a long reboot.
Many people have only been into this stuff for a relatively short period of time and are unsure. The purpose of rebooting is to find out by removing porn from the equation. We all know how porn effects the brain and you cannot deny the overwhelming scientific evidence. I have successfully been able to remove fetishes that I was into for 5 years straight through rebooting so I know from experience that rebooting can work.
My fascination also began at a young age, but I'm still willing to go through the reboot process. Many of my likes, thoughts, and habits have changed since my youth. Perhaps the fetish of feminizing myself is simply an escape mechanism that porn has shackled to my psyche. A month without porn, and I already feel a distance from my sissy self.
I didn't mean rebooting won't work for anyone, just not for me. I am able to keep the involvement of that stimuli out of the picture most of the time, but it still won't work. It is not as strong when I avoid porn, but the general thoughts and fantasies are still there. I just kind of accept that it's not a problem if it's not as strong.
Also, humiliation isn't part of the fetish for me, which could be part of why it's not that destructive.
You will have to be prepared to go for a long time without porn and avoid temptation to 'test' yourself, this may seem impossible but you have to remind yourself how little porn matters in the long run, what you could be doing with yourself instead and taking each day at a time.
Hi there. Look, Low self-esteem can cause a million problem in ones life. Self-esteem is of vital Importance and is indispensable.
Read the above link. It can help you. I made a pdf out of it. Keep going on...
During my worst days (like in a full binge) I turn to fetishes similar to what is described. They never caused me to buy anything or seek their realization, so I'd call them rather mild.
I've had it for 8 years now.
I'm confident that I picked this filth along the way as I descended into addiction. I can even more or less pinpoint the moment it happened - after a breakup when the girl left me for another guy. I didn't much care for her at the moment, but I'd had some self-esteem issues, so the breakup was probably a tipping point of some sort. I can't remember having such inclinations before that.
My point is since you guys (and I) picked up this fetish at some point in time, it most likely can be reversed. I really hope that the 90 day reboot can do that.
It really made me happy to read these comments. I'm 23 years old. I had my first gf when I was 17. I got really emotionally attached to her and fell into depression when she left me. I always blamed myself for being the problem. I got with another girl online who had bdsm fetishes (never saw this girl irl) She sent me a collar with my name embedded in it, blabla. Long story short, this fetish arose. After her I started getting into sissy porn, but always without seeing a guy's face. So hypnosis was always the best, because they actually show girls, not men. Now I'm going out with a nice respectable girl, who I love very much from China. She doesn't understand my fetishes nor do I. No matter how hard I try, I can't stay erect long enough to penetrate and have sex. When we first started going out, I was always horny, I get horny often during sexual activity, but I cant O. It is so bad that I've gave up at some point and simply used POM sub stuff. I go down on her regularly so she's happy and tell her not to worry about me. Lately I've had several opportunities to fulfil these terrible fantasies irl with a woman and man couple but I always cancel. Every time I O, I feel rotten sick and depressed out of my mind. When I O, I purge as one here said.. I promise myself and encourage myself not to give up. I'm not attracted to men, haven't ever been. I have been through 2 years of orgasm control, denial, and training so when I see the male organ, I get horny thinking about submitting. I always thought of myself not gay nor straight, but as an animal that doesn't deserve either gender. I'm trying to write this as plainly as possible so not to arouse myself. I can control watching porn for a long while, however I feel like I need an alternative. My girl will give me a 30 minute hand job and then she will quit because both her hands are tired. Sometimes it seems the training my ex virtual gf is irreversible. Even when watching sissy porn, I can't always come easily, there are moments when I think it was just a phase that I passed. but actually.. It's taking me deeper and deeper, in order to get off I need to add more humiliation. In the beginning I thought I could get off to this endlessly, I started with very soft stuff. My virtual ex would have me submit to silly games that were almost childish and I remember having the best Os Now I must think of hardcore stuff to get off.
On more positive thought, I truly believe that anything and everything in life is possible. Through meditation I've learned a lot. While purging yourself be careful with drugs. they can throw into your fetishes.
Never give up hope
Best of luck with recovering Jimmy.
When I read your story it was like you described my life..
I've been in the same situation as you mate, though I'm getting stronger everyday
Keep going forward, you'll get there.
I'm glad i found this site right after watching this perfidious shit once again tho I said to myself
And it's a paradox; I'm so sensitive and receptive to everything and I'm always questioning and criticising what is said or going on in the world ect.,
therefore I've got pretty careful about what I'm doing, saying, taking(Drugs), but yet I fail to reject this new addiction which is like "In your face bad".
I was off the internet for a long time because it became an addiction and I just don't wanted to flush my brain with
all this pictures, the hate and the overall triviality while there was a Life waiting to be lived outside.
Not long ago I had to put the ethernet cable back in for a few legit reasons and I don't know how but I suddenly found myself listening to some erotic hypnosis which infiltrated my meditation habits and shortly after I ended up with those crappy-made sissy videos(who the hell is creating those things anyway?) and found them to be pretty powerful. Probably because of these bombardements of pictures that stay with you when you want to sleep but only see those pictures in your mind.
I don't want and even less need this. It might sound corny but I want to see the nature, animals, good people, my girlfriend and all the things that are worth my lifetime because they are giving me something, when I close my eyes - or at least plain and cozy nothingness.
It always helps to realize youre not the only one thats freaking out, especially when the others seem to be as lovable as you guys are!
Best wishes and appreciation to all of you
I'm new here and would like to share my story with you. I'm sorry if this is too long.
I'm 43 and consider myself a straight man who loves women, but I have had a sissy fetish since I was 14. It evolved into a fetish of being a submissive and feminine bottom sissy for older black men. This fantasy has come and gone many times in different intensities. But It was only after the advent of online porn that it got really strong, 12 years ago.
The thing is, I've always been in relationships with women and never felt the urge of having real sex with men, although I played the fantasy of fixing dates with black guys I met in chatrooms many times almost up to the its actualization. I would always run away from it, close my chat accounts and throw away sissy lingerie in the end, just to start it all over again some time later. My online sex and masturbation binges (always watching interracial transwoman/crossdresser sex) would last 6, 7 or even 8 hours straight when I had the opportunity of being by myself at home (between girlfriends or when they were visiting their family somewhere out of town, for example).
I've learnt to deal with it and even accept it, and I discovered how to have compassion for myself. The bad thing is that I've kept it a secret up to a point where I wouldn't even tell about it to a shrink.
The reason I really want to get rid of it is because It sometimes takes my sex drive away from women. I was married for 7 years and by the end of that relationship, we wouldn't have sex for more than a month because I didn't feel any urge to it. My sissy fetish is not the only thing to blame - I was sexually attracted to other women although I never cheated on her. But many times I avoided her because I was satisfied by my fetish masturbation. Then when we divorced I dated many different women and the fetish waned a little bit.
Now I'm married again and the same thing is starting to happen. Last month we had a fight because I was avoiding her sexually and it crossed my mind the idea of breaking up with her and maybe experimenting with black men and other women to see If this urge means that I'm bisexual or whether I'm stuck again with the wrong person or not. On the other hand it would be way better just to get rid of the urge to dress like a sissy and have online sex with black men and fantasize with them late at night when my wife is sleeping.
I'm sure of one thing, though: I would never ever be in love with a guy, but can be in love with women any time!!!