Any tips on how to meet new friends and girls?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by StrongWolf, Jul 3, 2020.

  1. StrongWolf

    StrongWolf Fapstronaut

    Hello, I am a 28 years old male, I'm currently 35days into NoFap.

    Because of staying of porn and abstaining from masturbation, some pretty strong feeling of sadness and loneliness have come over me in the past weeks.

    I feel lonely because I don't have a girlfriend and don't like to hang out with my current group of friends ( I feel like they are a bad influence on me: negative people, negative & pessimistic outlooks on life, their only hobbies: spending money, drinking, smoking)

    I am currently living in a small-to mid sized city (~300.000 citizens)

    My hobbies are cyclign/mountain biking, running, mountain hiking, fitness and socializing (I really like to meet & talk with new people, just have a hard time doing so now).

    Because of the pandemic situation, I feel that the social aspect is even harder.

    I am currently going out with 2 cycling/mountain biking clubs about 2 times a week, I met some nice people there, but can't say that I built friendship relationships with. And the girls here are kind of scarce (about 15-20% are girls, and they all have boyfriends).

    I was also going with a running club around 1-2 times a week (but they postponed meetings until further notice, because of Corona). This was a nice kind of group to meet people and girls. I met my ex-girlfriend here (we were only togheter for 2 months).

    As for my other hobby, mountain hiking, I used to go on a lot of these when I lived in a bigger city (the capital, with 1-2 million people). The capital had a lot of hiking clubs. I also met a lot of friends and girls there, but since I moved back to my 300k population homecity, there arent many clubs here. So I didn't manage to get involved into these.
    I talked with a cute girl on facebook, she turned out to have a boyfriend, but she invited my on the facebook page of a local hiking club (might have chances there).

    I also tried in the past dance classes for 3 months(latino, bachata, salsa). These usually have lots of girls, and although I like dancing, and find it interesting, I don't throughouly enjoy it, and feel that I'm doing it more to meet girls than because I enjoy it. (unlike my other hobbies, which I would do also for the pure fun of it).

    I tried Tinder, but didn't get much luck on it (kind of small city). Most girls on it are 18-25 year old.

    I sometimes feel that most hot girls are taken, or moved to the capital or other cities, while I am stuck here.

    I am considering moving back to the capital or other city, but I'm thinking that maybe there are some other ways to meet people and girls here as well. Wouldn't want to move just for this sole reason alone, because I kind of enjoy it in my hometown, it's a little calmer and not so polluted.

    My city has a pretty vibrant night life, but I kind of dislike hanging out at night, drinking and going to clubs to meet girls there. I tried this in the past, and it worked in the sense that there are girls there, but it's not something I enjoy.

    So I am stuck between the plethora of advices I read and here online.

    1. Do things that you enjoy and that involve other people, and eventually you will meet someone (that would be cycling, hiking, running, etc)
    2. Do things out of your comfort zone: go to clubs
    3. Do random cold approaches on the street ( I used to do a bunch of those in the past, but they often resulted in awkward conversations, I think that girls can open up much easier if they are approached by men in common social contexts, meaning that they are doing something in a same group, not just random approaches on the street)

    What things do you guys think I should do? Am I missing some opportunities of social gatherings, clubs, groups that I haven't explored? Should I just stick with what I do and hope that a girl will show up?

    Should I do random street approaches?

    Any advices is welcomed. Thank you!
  2. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Active listening
    IWantToBreakFree123 likes this.
  3. StrongWolf

    StrongWolf Fapstronaut

    Could you elaborate?
  4. I'd advice you to let the people come to you. One thing I can think of is to organize small parties (e.g. BBQ parties) with some friends you already have. You'd tell people to bring some of their friends, allowing you to meet new people in a super friendly environment. I'd recommend doing it in a public park. This way, you could also bring a ball and play some soccer or volleyball. Strangers might ask whether they can join, so you'd meet even more peeps. If you have some guitar skills or at least just own a guitar (or any other portable instrument of course), that could also work as a nice way to 'gel' together everyone at the party and perhaps to lure strangers in as well.
  5. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    After you understand what they said, elaborate in your own way. While doing it, use few of the same words they used.

    I once was told they wish they can have a program that can make their job easier. I said I can grant this wish by creating the program they have in mind and add to it features that can make their job the easiest.

    Careful. Don't use it all the time cuz it's annoying to some people.

    And go to YouTube and type active listen vs reflective listening.
    IWantToBreakFree123 likes this.
  6. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Help him stop worrying. Give him tips.

    Last edited: Jul 3, 2020
    IWantToBreakFree123 likes this.
  7. Phast

    Phast Fapstronaut

    Small parties are a start. I think he shouldn't invite strangers and make the parties in a closed space for the invited only. He should use the parks after he becomes a good conversationalist.

  8. It seemed to me like @StrongWolf already has quite some social experience and seems to be genuinely interested in other people, I'd think he's fun to talk to already.

    To amend my earlier answer, perhaps the BBQ idea will only really work if you already have some open-minded friends who can bring other interesting people. In my experience, it can be hard to predict how these things will evolve, many factors are outside of your control. It might turn into a great success where everyone enjoys him/herself. If not, it could at least put you on the map as a fun loving guy, thereby helping you attract positive and fun people in the future. But if it's too far outside of your comfort zone right now, you can always postpone until later (summer doesn't last forever though!). Good luck man, I'm rooting for you!
    IWantToBreakFree123 likes this.
  9. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    My advice is to go to cafe's,parks,shops and just strike a conversation - without any sexual intentions = old lady,normal dude/woman etc. After you got that out of the way you can join groups/clubs/meeting/gathering of people do that you like doing, possibly befriend them and see if they have woman within your date range in their social circle (when you go into a group/club rarely you find a female within your range) And if that don't work for a while, I suggest the day game approach, but without the PUA bullshit, which I'm sure you've read. That's how I'd go about it by me myself is struggling with it so very is in theory, quire hard in practice.
  10. rob13_

    rob13_ Fapstronaut

    Combo of 1 and 2. Do all things with a secondary goal of being social and making contacts.
    AKRO_5891 likes this.
  11. Garek

    Garek Fapstronaut

    @StrongWolf Do some volunteer work. Dog rescue, food bank, home building. Just pick something and go do it. Also Make new friends and then meet there friends. Throw a gathering of your own later on down the line.
  12. ahighertruth

    ahighertruth Fapstronaut

    Don't meet a girl on tinder lol. Meet a girl doing things you like such as going to a park, going to the gym, studying in a library, a concert, restaurant or cafe. Try to notice chicks and if they are flirting back with you. When you do its time to approach. Start small say "Hi How are you doing?".

    Lol idk why I am giving advice though I am not an expert at this.

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