Anybody else have no alternative to PMO?

We all are.

First of all, you’re much older than me, so you’ll definitely have much more life experiences. But I’ll try to say how I think about it.

When you quit PMO, you’ll have more energy and more time then ever before. So you’ll have to do something with that energy and time. It can be anything. Hiking, learning an instrument, making movies or photo’s, visiting museums, travelling, biking.

I don’t know where you live, what kind of job you have or what you like to do (that’s the most important I think), so it’s totally up to you. The most important is that you enjoy it! Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone, that’s only a good thing!

Good luck!

 

What you said is true. If you don't have a reason to stop, why stop?

On the other hand, once you desire a better life for yourself, and this desire becomes strong enough, you can go about quitting PMO. I totally agree with TC10 here. So here are some questions to consider:

Why do you think people in relationships are miserable?

Do you think having a girlfriend would make you more miserable than being addicted to PMO?

Even if you do go through phases of "miserable-ness," (almost a requirement for strong, long-term relationships), is there a chance that it will be worth it, once you find someone you love?

Good luck man!

 

@learning, I don't really know what to tell you, it just makes me feel sad. Have you considered finding a better job or maybe talking to your boss (if you have one) about your working conditions?

 

Eliminating PMO will give you an opportunity to address all of those issues. You don't have to have a girlfriend if you don't want to but keep in mind that not all people in relationships are miserable. People in bad relationships are just more vocal about it. I myself have been happily married for 6 years.
That being said life is about far more than just sex. Find a hobby and spend time with friends or family.
Think of ways to reduce stress and improve your job or get a different one.
Sorry if this sounds preachy but PMO is never a fulfilling alternative to truly living. There is hope. You can find happiness in freedom from PMO.

 

I don't see why you cant aim to meet women of your own age.

I.e dating. That's a good aim. Do some exercise. Something therapeutic if your not in to weights like swimming, or jogging etc.

The endorphins will make you feel better and it has the by product of keeping away from the PMO.

I had that thought as well "if I abstain from PMO then I will have nothing." But realistically it's not true.

Your allowing yourself to be defined by your addiction. There is more to you once space is made when porn exits your life.

You can still MO! I am not part of this community that thinks that hardmode 100% abstinence will work indefinitely.

According to something I read on the internet you can get the full benefits of semen retention and still orgasm twice a month.

Just don't use porn.

That's my aim.

 

I smoke a lot of pot and it helps

 

So how are you getting by if the business makes no money? How does your brother get by?

Is he doing an equal amount of the work? Is he on call 7x24 as you are? If not, he should be.

This is insane. Really, you must get your brother to share this duty, or to hire somebody else to share this duty.

That sort of depression sounds like a good reason to stop PMO.

With no PMO, you might find that you feel different about relationships, but you'll never find out until you give NoFap a chance. Many people on NoFap report large increases in confidence, motivation, and energy, while also reporting decreases in depression.

 

@learning By your description, you've been living with serious depression since 1999. Your description of having nothing sounds like it. Check this out: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-masturbation-and-mojo-neuroscience-perspective

 

Firstly, thank you for being so open and honest. I have read how you don't really like the idea of having a girlfriend, and that is okay. I would just like to say, that not all women or relationships are the same as you have seen, perhaps it is the culture and environment you have lived around that produces much of the same type of person, I can totally understand how seeing nothing but bullshit all your life would put you off the idea of a relationship. But, sometimes you meet a person that is completely outside of what you have been exposed to and that can change your whole mindset about things. Relationships also require maturity, understanding, communication and respect from your side as well - most relationships or marriages (you don't have to get married if you don't want to, ever) don't work out because the people entering it do not even know, understand, communicate with or respect themselves, let alone someone else. Libido/sex issues doesn't matter, so don't worry about that, although if you have the energy for PMO, you have the energy for a woman. What matters is having a companion and someone to talk to that cares about your wellbeing, someone to go on walks with and someone to wake up in the morning with that reminds you that you are a human being and that you are loved. I am sure having that kind of support in your life would lift some of your depression, maybe a lot of it, to know you are not alone in all of this. But, of course, if that isn't something you want, that's completely cool, do what makes you happy, but don't live in fear or allow fear to decide how your life is going to be.

There are hobbies and activities you can take up to replace PMO. There must be something you always wanted to learn, or do, but never got to it? The thing about being an addict, it is a response to deep pain and unhappiness, often caused by feeling empty and disconnected. I think if you stop this addiction, even if you at first feel like you don't have anything, in time a door will begin to open up inside of you, and you may want to connect to something, or someone. But, remaining addicted, it is like giving up completely, it is a form of mental-suicide, it is in reality worse than having nothing, it is less than nothing, it is choosing to not exist and at the end of your life die in a numb, distant bubble, never having felt anything, never having seen or done amazing things or lived for anything - it is an empty, meaningless death.

Finally, it is clear that you are unhappy where you are. So, you have to leave. Even if you have to burn the business down to be free. It isn't worth wasting any more of your life. If you have some savings, that would be helpful to give you time to take a break and figure yourself out, figure out what you want to do. Start over, travel, paint, build a house, do what you want to do, it is never too late.

 

There are a couple of things I'm going to say here. I'm not an expert on life matters, so feel free to ignore me, but hopefully I can impart some information that might help you.

First of all, you're 51 years old and working in a business that is extremely stressful, a huge demand on your time and not making any money. It seems to me like you're just spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere. Then you say you have to loan more and more of your life savings to this business because your partner's wife is wasting his share of the money. It sounds to me like you're being taken advantage of and walked over. To me, this is a far bigger problem than PMO addiction. If it were me, I'd be selling (or even giving away) my share of the business, and using the money you're putting into it to do something else.

I'm not saying to be irresponsible and waste your money on hookers. But the fact is, you only live once. Today you're as young as you'll ever be in the remainder of your life. Don't take that for granted. One day you'll be 60. One day you'll be 70 and you'll probably be wondering where all the time went. Having money saved up is all well and good, but it's pointless if the price of doing so is that you give up your chances to experience the world. It's even worse if you then waste it on pumping money into a business that's going nowhere. Seriously, just walk out, buy a plane ticket to a country you've always wanted to visit, and just go there. Just do it. You can come back later and find another job (probably more appreciated and less stressful) with your experience and qualifications, but it sounds to me like you just need a break. Don't underestimate how much that could help with your depression.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what happens to your brother out of this, although I suspect you leaving the business wouldn't be the end of the world for him either. None of us are irreplaceable, and the worst that could happen to him in the event of you leaving the business would be him learning some lessons about financial responsibility. The later that happens, the harder it's going to be. You see, we all have certain things in life that we're used to (it's one of the reason addictions can be so damn hard to quit). Your brother is probably used to living a certain way, as you are, as I am. So if you walked out of the business and caused the shit to hit the fan, he'd eventually get back to what he's used to in all likelihood.

As far as alternatives to PMO are concerned, it's my opinion that occasional, infrequent MO is acceptable as long as Porn isn't used. Taking 10-15 minutes a week to just MO without porn is a lot healthier than spending 8 hours a week edging to porn. I also tend to think that the hours you're working probably don't make real relationships seem all that hot (where would you find the time anyway?). Maybe a change in your circumstances might help you reconsider that?

Either way, from the sound of things, your work situation sounds like a much bigger problem than PMO at present, and if you stay there it could eventually kill you.

 

CBD is nice but but I personally look for the full blown numbing effect of thc to get me through out the day. Not exactly recommending but it's better than jacking your dick like a fucking ape

 

I have to agree with @Porn Free Wanderer here. You have realised how a feeling of purpose and calling takes the depression away, and I think that is what you need, but right now you are existing without purpose, you are surviving but not actually living. You sound like a good man, it isn't wrong that you care about your brother, but he will survive without you and grow from it. I mean, sometimes you have to think about yourself for once, this is your life here, don't let it go to waste any longer - the depression that you feel is there for a reason, it is telling you that something is wrong and something needs to change every day, it isn't your enemy, it is actually your best friend because it is trying to guide you to better places. I would begin listening to what is happening inside of you, and listen to what your heart truly wants and go - just go, don't think, don't even allow fear a moment to breath, move and live. Do something crazy. Age is no barrier, you can still live a fantastic life and find something so important and meaningful to you that the depression will no longer need to be there.