Ok, so here are my two cents.
I was bullied when I was little, and as a result, I tended toward being socially awkward, also my highly functional autism didn't help. I didn't talk to girls too much, I had few friends and never did a lot of the things "normal" kids use to do, like playing sports. I don't know today, but back in the 2000s, it was still fairly normal for some kids not to have a PC or TV in their rooms, so I could only interact with those who did and enjoyed playing videogames and such.
Long story short: I was really awkward. In high school (here in Argentina that would be middle school and high school combined) I closed myself and didn't change too much, still talked mostly with boys like me, and not so much with girls. I was terrible at chit-chat, my social skills were on the floor and I never thought about dating, at least, not about 4th year (when I was 16). There, I "fell in love" with a girl on my class, and I was just so stupid towards her, didn't know anything about "game" or the like and so I was instantly put on the friendzone. I was just as ridiculous as ever, like that social part of my personality wasn't even developed yet.
Then, with time, I pushed myself to be better, based on this failed experience. I stopped certain habits (or tried to) and talked with more and more people. When I entered University, I was forced by myself to make new friends, some stuck, others didn't, but I had a better relationship with women. Still failed at "game", but was better at it. Today, I can say for sure I'm a fairly social person, more outspoken, more physical, more sincere and funny.
There is no "magic pill", but time and willpower. You have to go out there, meet people, listen to them, take any advice they might say and test it. You have to start new activities and become social because you want to. It's a little about faking it until you make it, too, but you have to develop your own personality. Also, say things if you want to, don't keep silent, even if you are shy you can use that to your advantage (for example, with women). Just get out there and talk to people in your everyday life, little by little, ask normal questions and get accustomed to the act of talking to strangers. I don't know what else to tell you. Social skills are a skill which you develop, especially if you have some kind of troublesome past or something like Asperger's or high functioning autism. This works in the end, you will become social by brute force and you will learn from experience.
Take care.
I practically have the same story. I used to be a loner in my adolescence. I used to go to parks and cinemas at school time, just to avoid being with schoolmates. If I managed to make friends, anyone can.
I think just with everything else, this also comes down to EFFORT. Trial and error. But we all know this. Even though I navigate fairly well socially, I still struggle today, sometimes saying things that don’t fit the given situation, or asking personal things too soon, or take hints the wrong way, etc... It might be embarrassing first, but once we get comfortable, we can make a joke and have a good laugh about it. In the end, I just keep plugging at it. And when I feel that I have had enough social interactions, I withdraw to recharge until I’m ready to try and fail forward again.
There’s some pointers I’d like to mention here that I hope will help those who does take effort, but still feel stuck.
First. Is it important enough for us to have friends? Because if it is, we won’t care about being clumsy socially at first, or about making a mess and errors. That, sooner or later, leads to progress and friends. But if it is not important enough, then we just keep hiding behind excuses, like “
I’ve had a tough childhood. I was bullied and had no friends. I’m introverted. I had friends but they betrayed me. I’m this and that, etc..”, and then we’ll never have friends. I used to make all of these excuses, and I was left being alone, wallowing in anger and frustration. It was the change in mindset that enabled me to move forward. That I’m going to have friends no matter what, because having friends to share th8ngs with is awesome, and being alone sucks.
Second, I started having closer friends when I started to genuinely care about them. This is essential. We cannot be selfish people, only care about ourselves, 3xpect people to be ready when we wanna hang, and have them moving mountains for us. Then when they need something, we’re like: “I dunno.. I’ll see.. etc..”. I used to behave like this, then wondered why I had no friends who cared about me. We get back what we give. Why should they give a fuck if we don’t? It’s us that wanna make friends, not the other way around. So we gotta show interest first, make moves first, suggest doing something first, and keep doing this until there’s genuine rapport.
Third, there’s also the other end, the overdoer, who suffers passive aggressively in relationships. This tends to happen when we realize we gotta open up, and say yes to things more. Then we start to do too much for others in order to be liked, then get frustrated when we get exploited and used. I used to be like this as well. This changed as I started making boundaries, which only happened once I became more confident in myself, and got comforatble saying no.
I could go on, but I think these were the crucial things that helped me make friends. In overall, I decided to make friends a priority. I became less selfish. I took genuine interest in certain people. I made up and maintain boundaries with everyone.
I hope I could contibute with my story. Best of luck to all of us!