Anyone else experience this?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Damaged_Stoic, Jul 14, 2020.

  1. Damaged_Stoic

    Damaged_Stoic Fapstronaut

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    I'm a straight male, always have been. I've been attracted to women as long as I can remember, but porn has skewed everything.

    I've always struggled with sexual thoughts which haven't helped.

    I can no longer become aroused by straight porn even though visually I find it much more my thing. I can only become aroused to gay porn and after the arousals over I find the scenes disgusting.

    Now I know there are claims that sexuality may be fluid, but deep down inside I know I'm attracted to women and it has been bothering me a lot recently. I may have HOCD.. I have been diagnosed with Mixed Intrusive thoughts, but what also doesn't help is that I also got PEID from my excessive viewing, so when I see a photo of an attractive woman or see one in public or even have an encounter I am unable to get aroused. Even when watching gp now I'm limp.

    I hate this and just want it to stop. I'm tired of constantly worrying that I'm suddenly becoming gay when I'm not.

    Anyone else experiences this?
     
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  2. Zeus@1234

    [email protected] Fapstronaut

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    Dude to be absolutely precise as you said, you know that you are straight, you believe it, but the only the that makes you rethink is that you watch gay porn, so why not just delete the cause the makes you confused, stop watching porn for some time and you'll know the truth, i would suggest go for the hard mode. Also I've suffered from the same symptoms as you mentioned, but since I've stopped watching porn all these thoughts don't bother me anymore
     
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  3. Di.Do.555

    Di.Do.555 Fapstronaut

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    Make a decision to stop.
    It may take you a year or two.
    U r not gay. Fix your pied with hardmode.
    Do it long enough and you will slowly forget all about p.
    It is possible. Thousands of people have done it.
     
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  4. DETWK

    DETWK Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you just need to understand that you're straight and this was caused by porn addiction mixed with OCD. It's common and it goes away. You just need to quit porn and train yourself to really believe that part of your life is behind you. I have OCD too and get intrusive thoughts. Don't identify with them. They're not real. They're not your thoughts. Dissociate with them. Separate your real thoughts from your OCD induced thoughts. It's like separating reality from illusion. You shouldn't just stop with eliminating porn from your life, though. Any sort of fantasy can be pretty harmful to people with OCD. You need to base yourself in reality as much as possible. Look at where basing yourself in fantasy has taken your mind. Fuck drugs, alcohol, porn, video games, movies, TV, social media, etc. Fuck fantasy. Base yourself in reality. Fuck your thoughts too, base yourself in the present. Thinking about the past causes depression, thinking about the future causes anxiety. Live in reality and live in the now. You'll be alright in the end bro. Just take it day by day.
     
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  5. Timecop

    Timecop Fapstronaut

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    Is this like a voice in your head that reminds you of something dumb you said 7 years ago?

    Also I want to share for the first time in my life my OCD: I count everything. I count by pair of 2 or 3, until I reach a certain satisfying number ( most of the time its 36 ). Its so useless yet I do it ( everyday) since I'm 9 years old ( now 27 ).
     
  6. DETWK

    DETWK Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes it's like that. Sometimes it's obsessing over something completely random that I don't even identify with. For example, I'm a straight male, but if I see two gay guys together it may trigger my OCD and I'll start obsessively worrying that I may magically end up gay in the future. Or I may see a transgender person and start worrying that I may end up like that, even though I have no desire to and never have. A big trigger for me is sexual taboos and mental illnesses. The sexual taboos trigger me because of my excessive porn use making me subconsciously feel shameful and sexually deviant. The mental illnesses trigger me because I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder and I subconsciously feel like I'm crazy and a freak because I've been labeled that way. When I beat porn addiction and come to terms with my mental issues I think these will begin to subside and heal over time.
     
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  7. DETWK

    DETWK Fapstronaut

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    Also, I'm glad you decided to share your OCD, brother. That's the first step. Now you can start to work to heal it. I haven't tried it yet, but I've heard ERP is a very successful treatment for it.
     
    Timecop likes this.
  8. Damaged_Stoic

    Damaged_Stoic Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the support! And by intrusive thoughts, I mean constant worrying and doubts brought by uncomfortable images and/or thoughts to that might go and do something (Such as hurting your mother) or you may be suddenly gay, such as my case.

    This is actually the second time I've had to deal with these thoughts. The first being brought on by the same exact thing, back then I didn't know what porn addiction was, however, looking back I can say confidently that I was severely addicted.

    I must admit I haven't yet fornicated with a female which makes them worse, and its compounded by awkward non-sexual experiences in my past. The reassurance this time around is hard, but yesterday I saw a girl I was once friends with in high school, and I was amazed by how beautiful she became, through constant reassurance the beast of this type of condition.

    I read looking up symptoms and such don't help with the thoughts either. Such as a buzzfeedesque article I read claiming your sexuality can change over your lifetime. Which to me makes 0 sense as the absolute thought of kissing a dude or engaging in any sort of emotional relationship grosses me out. So I can say that this is just a fetish or another rung that my addiction has escalated too.
     

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