Anyone else failing for years now? Advice?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by DarkWater, Aug 23, 2020.

  1. Overhaul

    Overhaul Fapstronaut

    I'm probably quite lucky: I never felt any real shame at using porn, only for wasting my time. And now, in hindsight, realising the harm it has done. But not the crippling self-loathing that many here seem sadly to have got themselves into, sometimes through religious guilt, or having damaged their relationships or in this case (the OP) repeatedly failing to give up and relapsing. So I liked this answer, which seems to me to point to the solution. Forget the self-loathing, inward focus, and instead just stop. Throw the devices away if they're the trigger/cause. Find something else to do. But just stop. And think about something else. Don't over-complicate it, and don't feel shame. Just stop.
     
  2. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    It’s a stupid idea. It’s like a drug addict saying: I’ll just smoke crack once a month.
     
  3. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Been on this journey for about 2.5 years or so now. And from my experience, if I’m not doing the following, then I don’t stand a chance in hell at succeeding at nofap. But I am currently doing these things and after 7 days now I feel great with no urges.

    2 Cold showers per day.

    Weight lifting 3 times per week (but I’ll soon be doing 4-5 workouts per week with added cardio and core, and eventually I want to be working out 6 times per week).

    My diet is really good right now (this one is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL). If you treat your body like crap with a crappy diet, you won’t be able to keep focus on nofap.

    I read books every day.

    I work lots of hours at work (lots of overtime).

    And I’m sure I’m forgetting something...But how many of those things are you currently doing? Seriously, how many? I’m curious.
     
  4. Pati_ryu

    Pati_ryu Fapstronaut

    i had gamify the whole process .....did u play video games and u r really keen to win another batch......i donwloaded an app rewire companion(i am fan not advertising it)...it provides batches at different levels(days) also .....have a journal e=section. use it along with this forum. i never crossed 52 days but thos streak is doing wonder this is my 63rd day.
    also when u r about to relapse no matter how far u have gone...take steps back.....
     
  5. Love2LongBoard

    Love2LongBoard Fapstronaut

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    I have had over 5 years of sobriety from pornography and masturbation. I have a few thoughts that I hope will help. Shame is an enemy, but 100% accountability is your best friend. Accept that there are no conditions that cause your to look at pornography (I am not saying you are or aren't doing this, just general advice). Once you have accepted 100% accountability you are ready for the next step.

    Figure out what negative thinking leads you to believe that it is okay to view pornography. If you were not okay with it, on some level, you would not do it. I am not okay with punching a women, so I have never done it. I am not saying that you don't want to change. People often act in ways that are contrary to what they want. I want to lose weight but I still eat desert every night. Why do I eat desert? Because it is delicious and I am okay with it. Somewhere in your thinking, you may still feel entitled to viewing pornography. If you didn't you wouldn't do it. Lastly, educate yourself on how pornography is manufactured. Research the links between sex trafficking, dehumanization, sex slavery, and the pornography industry. This will not be the cure, but it helped me.

    Don't give up, you CAN succeed.
     
    DarkWater likes this.
  6. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    Since you asked I suppose I should elaborate,
    1 Cold shower per day
    Weight Lifting two hours, 6 days per week
    Diet is spot on but since I don't like to cook its often very simple/boring meals.
    Don't read, but I should and wish I would. Attention span feels so shot and it's difficult to get lost in reading.
    Unemployed, free time is definitely one of the reasons I struggle with nofap but it seems difficult to go out of my way to get a job just to do nofap? Maybe that's what it takes but I don't think so right now.

    Thanks for your response though, I'll try starting a new book tomorrow
     
  7. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    I'll consider starting a journal on here, I've been enjoying reading them so maybe it would help. Self journaling doesn't seem to help me much but maybe knowing someone else out there is reading it would help.
     
  8. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    Very interesting perspective on the entitlement aspect. You may be on to something.

    Thanks for the encouragement.
     
  9. Pati_ryu

    Pati_ryu Fapstronaut

    no journal is not blogging.....it wont help a bit when u will be weak....instaed i write in my phone and diary...and keep it to myself.....public journal are like reality show...we cant be our true selves.
     
  10. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    "but it seems difficult to go out of my way to get a job just to do nofap?” Guess I don’t get what you mean. Do you not need a job are you financially secure?
     
  11. StonePlacidity

    StonePlacidity Fapstronaut

    If you get busy, you won't have time for PMO.

    That's how I got high streaks. For the recent two months I was idle and have nothing to do, and guess who just relapsed every three days for two months?
     
  12. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    Yes financially secure right now. I just mean, like StonePlacidity said, I have a lot of free/idle time since I don't have one.
     
  13. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    What do you personally do to stay busy? For me I seem to occupy myself with things I know I should be doing, but have to exert effort to do, and then my mind continually wanders to easiest possible thing, PMO.
     
  14. StonePlacidity

    StonePlacidity Fapstronaut

    I'm a student so I study. But once it's Friday and I don't have lessons I relapse...

    Such a shame.
     
  15. StonePlacidity

    StonePlacidity Fapstronaut

    I peeked at porn and instead of resisting the urge, I give in. In the end I spend probably 20 min PMOing and that's it. I feel like I would rather quickly finish it off than to resist and drag it for so long and I will relapse eventually.

    I don't want to waste time here, and for me I never prevented a relapse from 48 hours of first seeing porn. For me masturbation is caused by porn, and I don't really have the urge to masturbate until I start to watch porn. I know porn is really dangerous so I need to prevent peeking.
     
  16. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    I think it gets harder to quit the longer you take. People say that you're healing with every streak and weakening those pathways but in my case at least I just find that every relapse compounds the addiction further and chips away at what's left of my motivation and willpower.
     
    Mo1989 likes this.
  17. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    I am the exact same as everything you said here. No real urge to masturbate without porn, and once I see porn, within 48 hours its inevitable.
     
  18. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    I have begun to believe this too. Especially if its a chain of short streaks. If you're doing continuous 30+ day streaks obviously you'll start to break some conditioning. But my usual under 3 day """streaks""" are probably useless.
     
  19. Mo1989

    Mo1989 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly i can second you. It would have been lot easier for me to give up PMO like 5 years ago but now its so hard
     
  20. DarkWater

    DarkWater Fapstronaut

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    It's scary to think how much harder it could be in another five years. Just makes me want to quit that much more now.
     

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