Anyone else here feel like not even their family expects them to find a relationship at this point?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by superstorm250, Jun 22, 2021.

  1. superstorm250

    superstorm250 Fapstronaut

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    I created this thread because I was wondering if there were others on here who feel like not even their family members expect them to find a partner and get into a relationship anymore. I’m 28 and I’ve never had a girlfriend, and at first back when when I was in high school, my family members would say things like “you should ask a girl out and go to the school dance” and “are there any girls at school that you like.” But over time as I got older, the remarks started to change more to something like “are you ever going to get a girlfriend” and “no girls ever look at you?” I even remember that when the Elliot Rodger incident happened back in 2014, I even had one of my family members say to me that you’ve never had a girlfriend, you’re not gonna go out and do something like that, are you? I actually got pretty offended by that last one because it really showed me that at least some of them think something’s probably wrong with me because I haven’t had a girlfriend and actually think that I could be an unstable psychopath like Elliot was, even though I thought what he did was horrible and unforgivable.

    Over time, my family members have ultimately just stopped asking me about it and some of them who used to make the most remarks about me finding a girlfriend have since switched to trying to talk up single life while implying that they expect me to be forever single at this point. I’ve also had my sexual orientation called into question by my family members and some of them directly said it’s because I never have any girls around me and don’t ever even mention any girls I’m interested in. I feel that it also doesn’t help that I have a younger sibling who has surpassed me when it comes to this and who’s been in a serious relationship for the past 8 years and started dating in high school. It just sucks sometimes to even be judged by the people closest to you about this.
     
  2. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I feel you bro, I've experienced similar things. The constant badgering about it used to really get to me and I eventually got openly annoyed and told people to stop mentioning it in any capacity, and since then noone has.

    Having said that, I think for me I've sorta realised I dont really even want a relationship. Maybe I've become so numb to the idea of ever having one that my current mindset is just one big cope, but at the same time I genuinely dont care enough to put the effort in to have a girlfriend at all. I'm only 24 but it feels like the ship has sailed, I cant catch back up, and I'm too apathetic to care. I still get lonely sometimes, but not often.
     
  3. Is being single something you want to change?
     
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  4. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    fuck those piece of shit families who don't teach you how to attract the opposite sex. It's like expecting someone to drive without giving him any instructions or access to information how to drive
     
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  5. Re-Life2010

    Re-Life2010 Fapstronaut

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    My friend you are clearly not alone. I get asked this all the time by my family members and I don't even know what to say honestly. My grandma is the one that stings me, because she wants me to have a girlfriend or partner to see some kids in the future. I feel like I've already failed with having my grandpa pass away and not showing him that I have a stable happy relationship.

    For me my family will ask every once in a while. But at this point in my life I don't care at all anymore. Every day just slips away as time flies. I've tried in my last 20's recently, but I'm not the same as I was 5 years ago. Countless error's, ghosting, and rejections made it happen. People keep on saying to me especially close friends, if you stop looking someone will find you. I believe in my friend since he's a great guy, but I don't feel lucky at all.

    Met a cute Woman on Facebook date recently and it ended with a bit of ghosting since its a thing now.


    Above all.

    I love my single life and I can do anything I want at any given time. I have seen multiple friends separate recently from relationships and it doesn't make me want to get into one. Another just got out of a close one and he's pretty upset by it since he let her go. When your single you can love yourself, you treat your self as a girlfriend especially your heart. I feel like I'm just meant to be single.

    By anyway I understand you man. It is really difficult when family members give up on you especially not even help. Friends or coworkers don't bother to set me up. Like I'll help you...

    You can love your self remember that and what ever your beliefs are some people might get offended but its your life.
     
  6. Treat this thought like a hypothesis and test it.
     
  7. fedecc

    fedecc New Fapstronaut

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    I can totally relate with the OP. I am a bit older (37) and used to get asked a lot those questions, mostly by my parents and some of my friends. Even though the questins are anoying and make me feel preety bad, I think is pointless and wrong to get mad about it. I try to understand that people ask that because they care and have an interest in your happiness. So I always brushed those questions away as quickly and politely as I could.

    That said, the last few years, people have stoped making those sort of comments, which you would say its great, but it's not really. Once you notice those comments are not said to you anymore, you realize that people have kind of 'given up' on you, at least in that regard. I was never against the idea of finding a partner and forming a family, I just have a very hard time connecting with people in general, and with women in particular. I have this idealized view of a relationsheep, which I know its false, but when I go and try the real deal (like when I start dating someone), I never see myself as ever being able to be in a long term relationsheep.

    Worst for my self-esteem has been the questioning of my sexuality. Some people have even openly asked me if I was gay in front of other friends and family. Again, I do my best to laugh it off, but it always results in a very awkward and embarasing moment for me. I´m preetty sure that my father and some of my friends think I'm gay, even though they never said it openly. I wish I could say this doesnt bother me at all, but it does...
     
  8. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    I really dont want to lay blame on anyone but myself but I'm finding it hard to disagree with this. I was always an awkward kid, I was an awkward teen, and I'm a barely less awkward adult. I've obviously had urges with regards to girls and relationships but I've had no idea what to do with them, and nobody ever told me/taught me because everybody just assumes you'll figure it out by yourself. I never did. For some people this stuff is instinctive but not for me, and it's hard not to feel like it's too late at this point.
     
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  9. SidewayLook

    SidewayLook Fapstronaut

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    I have 100% experienced what you are going through, and STILL experience it. Despite me explicitly telling certain people that it makes me depressed when they mention it, and further makes me not want to see them, they continue to do it. I guess it is a cultural reflex for parents in particular to badger sons about not finding partners. It's especially cruel today when the parenting generation literally has no idea how much the world has changed for so many young men. It makes me want to move abroad, in part, to avoid contact with them and my siblings who are far more successful romantically. I just get the feeling that, as time moves on, our life experience will become so completely out of joint that any meeting will be awkward for both parties and I will be constantly paranoid that they consider me a loser... which is fine... I mean, I accept that, but I'd rather not be confronted about it. This is in-part why I cut all my friends out of my life, because our life experience started to diverge so drastically.

    And yeah, the orientation question seems to occur a lot, which is such a weird one. I suspect this is something new, and 50 years ago that wouldn't have crossed the person's mind. They'd just consider you an oddball. I try not to hold it against these people, but it is hard, when you actually reflect that they make you feel more miserable than anyone else.
     
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  10. Vanquisher12

    Vanquisher12 Fapstronaut

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to experience this, . Throughout history (certainly at least since the patriarchal Romans) men have been pressured by family and friends to get into a relationship or even just have sex when they may not feel innately ready for it, a product of the

    I haven’t had this problem very much myself, my mother has sometimes advised me about the benefits of single life (which I’ve ignored because that’s not what I want out of life), but my dad has been very supportive and understanding and one of his best pieces of advice is that different people go through different things at different times, which is true to be fair. Also COVID is not helping at all at the moment because it pretty much bans escalating proximity and touch with a girl which is a required part of flirting.

    However I certainly know how you feel with being surpassed by other family members of my generation, my three younger cousins (who are all arrogant, selfish people who I despise) have all got partners of their own. I console myself with the idea that it’s likely they’re more interested in short-term relationships and are less discerning than I am, but sometimes it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me (I’m 22 and haven’t yet found love, they are all 18 or younger).

    Yet none of us can do much about this at the moment, so I think the best thing at the moment for us all is to sit tight and be patient until all this virus nonsense has been tied down, then focus on working on ourselves to be the best men we can be so we can attract the girls of our dreams.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2021
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  11. Faded Boy

    Faded Boy New Fapstronaut

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    Hey is there a support group for lonliness?
     
  12. Atticus

    Atticus Fapstronaut

    Somewhat. If they do or don't, I've already explained to them long ago that I will not give them children to fawn over. I was always the odd child, more interested in stars than people and that followed me into adulthood.

    Now, I look at my brother, who is going through hell in his relationship with some crazy chick, the many horror stories and dramas other men and women go through and part of me is happy I refrain from such activities. :emoji_sweat_smile:
     
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  13. austinzane2

    austinzane2 Fapstronaut

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    yup my mom and dad always ask why ive never brought a girl over to there house they think its weird and i cant bring myself to tell the truth ive never had a girlfriend before and im 25. i think at this point my family must think im gay

    my parents expect me to be married one day and my religious grandparents especially its so annoying i mean ive never even kissed a girl before because of how shy i was in high school and my social anxiety

    when i went to my cousin's wedding 2 years ago he asked me if i have a girlfriend and i lied to him and told him i was going through a breakup but my brother overheard me and said "austin i dont think ive ever seen you with a girl before" i was so embaressed
     
  14. The later you find the special one, the longer time you have to grow yourself.
    I can relate that you feel hopeless about your situation, when you see others engaged already. However, the best way of finding a partner is to do the things that you love in life and to enjoy yourself. This will make you so attractive to others that you will find a partner eventually.
    You know, I had the same feeling as you have but then my first girlfriend has been gorgeous (and I eventually married her). 28 is maybe older than usual, however, my brother found his girlfriend only when he was in his 30s and I have a good female friend who is so funny and great person, but she only found her now husband when she was past 35. I could go on with further examples, so the main message is: don't worry at all. You are not the only one in this situation and the best strategy for you is to enjoy life.
     
  15. This is me. I feel like I have myself to blame for my shortcomings because I have had missed opportunities. But nobody in my family taught me about relationships and how to attract the opposite sex. I often feel like it’s too late even though I’m young.

    It was the whole “don’t look at her with lust” thing from my parents. Okay, I don’t stare at people. But how do I initiate a conversation when your interested in a female? My parents never taught me stuff like that.
     
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  16. I honestly don’t think anyone in my family knows how to attract the opposite sex. The story I heard from my parents was that “they were hot for each other.”
     
  17. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Yeah dude I get where you're coming from. I have no idea how to manifest any desires I might have had into some practical result, all anyone ever tells me is just "if you see a girl you like approach her" and yeah OK that might work if there weren't so many factors holding me back. Anxiety, lack of experience, low sex drive, lack of opportunity, etc. I know these things can be fixed but sometimes I dont want to bother because I've already resigned myself to failure. Is this a bad attitude? Yeah. But I still dont know how to overcome it.
     
  18. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    Thats pretty low of em to subtly compare your situation to the elliot rodger situation. I've had similar experiences with my family but, it could be that they stopped asking you because you're a grown ass man now and its not really their business anymore. But i feel you. I'm sorry you feel judged and invalidated. In my case, I'm actually glad they stopped asking because I actually don't have a desire to be with anyone and its my business anyways, but I can still relate to being constantly questioned, sexual orientation being questioned, and the whole general vibe of there's something wrong with you if you don't have a girlfriend/aren't trying to get one.
     
  19. Mr.Tony

    Mr.Tony Fapstronaut

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    Bro, You're not alone! I'm 28 years old similar to you! No Girlfriend, Yup! Enjoy being alone as much as you can.

    Some regret being married at younger age, some regret losing their virginity dueing their teens after they got their teen Girlfriend Pregnant, Now they have to take care of the baby...

    Every story is different, Enjoy the Good Parts and Ignore the bad parts, Just enjoy it and remember... In less than 25000 days we all be dead.
     

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