Anyone here also believe in waiting till marriage?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Hangukin, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. Hangukin

    Hangukin Fapstronaut

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    I believe in waiting untill marriage for sex. It is not a religious thing at all. For me, I just haven’t been able to understand the idea of having sex with someone that you’re not going to marry. I am 22 now and there were 8 girls who asked me out in my life, but I didn’t really like any of them, so I never went on a date with any of them because I don't see a point of dating a girl if I already know that I'm not going to marry her. And here is some of the reasons why I believe this. When you have had sex with multiple women throughout your life, comparison comes in. Even if you try not to compare between them, you will necessarily and unconsciously do it. Whether or not my wife is the best woman out of all the women I've dated, the fact that I even compare her to some other girls doesn't seem right to me, whether it be conscious or unconscious. That's why I just never allow myself to have sex with a girl that I'm not going to marry so that by the time I actually marry, there is going to be no comparison whatsoever, which will allow me to be the happiest I can be with my marriage. By marrying someone you're letting the world know that you're going to love her for the rest of your life, not anyone else. Also, sex is a sacred activity that can create a baby, a life. I don't want to do it with some random girl that I just met at a party just to feel good temporarily. However, I think it is because of this that I was so addicted to porn and masturbation because I knew I wasn't going to have sex till marriage, so I needed some way out. I am so grateful, though, that I discovered nofap because if I was a girl, I wouldn't want to marry a guy who jerks off to some other naked girls every day. I haven't told any of my friends this because I don't think they would be able to understand it and still be friends with me. I haven't seen anyone else who also believes in this because 90% of the people I know are not virgin and the other 10% of the people who are virgin are dying to have sex. Please let me know if you also think like me or similar to me.
     
  2. Sarah Walker

    Sarah Walker Fapstronaut

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    I don't think you should have to wait until marriage, but I agree that sex should be between two people that love each other. I'm not going to have kids but I do want to get married in the future.
     
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  3. Poseidon

    Poseidon Fapstronaut

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    I think waiting until marriage is stupid. You need to know if you and your partner are sexually compatible before getting married.
     
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  4. exactly same as you bro
     
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  5. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    how is compatibility and love tied down to whether you can have good sex with the person or not? Shouldn't it be that if you love someone, the sex is something the comes secondary?

    I knew a girl who refused to dump her neglectful boyfriend because she enjoyed the sex too much, though clearly she wasn't happy.
     
  6. Poseidon

    Poseidon Fapstronaut

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    Theres tons of studies that show that a poor sex life can lead to resentment and a bad marriage, divorce rates between those people are way higher than the rest.
     
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  7. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    Well you have to ask yourself, are people divorcing from bad marriages because of the sex? or are they merely using the sex as an excuse. If a marriage ever boiled down to "my own needs and wants are more important than yours" than that marriage is long doomed before the sex begins to lose it's magic. Marriage is supposed to reflect the willingness of putting someone's needs above your own. The act of true love.

    What causes divorces isn't bad sex, it's this idea that everything should revolve around our selfish happiness. We've become so self-centered that the second we no longer have this romantic feelings for our significant other, then we assume that they are no longer making us happy.

    The issue here is that happiness doesn't come from "what can you do for me"... rather it should come from "what can I do for you."
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2018
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  8. Hangukin

    Hangukin Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your opinion. But, a poor sex, compatibility, etc.. what do these things even mean? It means you're comparing her with some other girls you have dated or had sex with. You can't know whether a sex is good or poor if you have only had sex with one woman, you're just going to like it no matter what because she is the one you love the most.
     
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  9. Hangukin

    Hangukin Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply.
     
  10. Gmork

    Gmork Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't go as far as to say stupid, but I totally get you.
    I absolutely agree about sexual compatibility.
    Each to their own, I guess.


    Consider this possibility:
    - Sex just doesn't happen with the one you love.
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2018
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  11. Hangukin

    Hangukin Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your reply. May I ask why you would say so?
     
  12. todaysresolution

    todaysresolution Fapstronaut

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    sex is marriage according to animals
     
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  13. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    A poor sex life doesn't happen because two people didn't have sex before they were married and got screwed over because they realized they "weren't sexually compatible." Poor sex lives come from lots of other problems... lack of emotional intimacy, selfishness in bed and being unwilling to do what you need to to please your partner, not talking about sex enough and making your sex life as good as it can be, etc. Those things don't happen just because someone didnt have sex before they were married... in fact, I would be willing to wager that most people who wait until marriage to have sex have a very healthy view of sex as being more than just a physical act, and therefore would be LESS likely to experience those issues and have crappy sex lives.

    So yes, a crappy sex life is bad. But having sex before you get married to "make sure you're compatible" isn't the only way to ensure that you don't have a crappy sex life.

    It's so weird to me that people still think that way. As if "waiting until marriage" means going into a marriage completely blind and having no idea what to expect. You can still talk about sex, discuss things like how often you might want to have sex, and other logistical discussions. But if you get married and have that commitment and love each other, then I find it difficult -- or rather, impossible -- to understand how you could be sexually incompatible.

    Like honestly, this line is thrown out there so much, whenever someone says anything about waiting until marriage. But what does that even mean? That's not a rhetorical question. I really want an answer. How can two people who are in love and have made a lifelong commitment to each other be sexually incompatible? I really can't imagine any situation a couple like that could find themselves in that couldn't be be fixed. And trust me, I've been through some crazy situations myself when I first got married (as a virgin). They were difficult, sure, but fixable. You have your whole lives to grow together and learn about each other and become more and more compatible as you grow. I really would love to hear anyone answer that question with something that couldn't be fixed... what situation could arise that would make a newly married, virgin couple say "oh shit, I wish I would have had sex with this person first, because I never would have married them...."
     
  14. Aditya alex

    Aditya alex Fapstronaut

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  15. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I slightly disagree with some of this, as I think you can know if sex feels lackluster even if you've never had sex before. But u do agree that the whole notion of not being "sexually compatible" is stupid. It's not like your thing isn't going to fit in her thing. You will be able to make that work, trust me. So what else could that phrase "sexually incompatible" mean? Well, it could be referring to different levels of libido or one person being more sexually open than the other... and to both of those points, I would say a) you can still have a happy life of compromise with someone if you have highly different libidos or different levels of sexual expression and comfort. It just takes compromise and sacrifice and love, which you should have anyway, or you're marriage isn't going to go very well. And b) you can learn those things about each other easily without having sex. If I am with some guy with a super low libido who doesn't care about sexual stuff at all, I'm going to know that from the way he barely touches me or kisses me or leers at me, etc. On the other hand, if I'm with someone who is totally sex crazed and that's all they think about, that's going to be obvious as well. You don't need to have sex with someone to learn all of those things.

    And I'm not saying everyone has to wait until marriage, but to say that it's stuoid for someone to make that choice because you "can't know if you're sexually compatible," to me, just says that you aren't very creative in your thinking if you don't think someone can learn those things about a partner without doing it.
     
  16. RecoveringFapaholic

    RecoveringFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    Actually couples who wait until marriage are less likely to divorce. The more sex partners somebody's had the more likely they are to divorce.
     
  17. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Also, the notion of regretting a marriage because of some lack luster sex is just so foolish and immature, to me, honestly. Relationships are work. A good sex life is going to take some effort at times. If you're ready to walk out the door the minute things get tough, then you certainly aren't ready for marriage, that's for sure. But if you are ready for marriage, you're likely also ready for the reality that sometimes it might take some effort to make sex as good as it can be for the both of you. So you're going to be fine. If you both love each other and want to please each other, there's no reason to worry that the sex won't be good. It will. You're not going to marry someone you have zero chemistry with, because again, you don't need to have sex to discover whether or not you're sexually attracted to your partner.
     
  18. RecoveringFapaholic

    RecoveringFapaholic Fapstronaut

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    I think sexual compatibility is a crock. It's just like saying that you need to watch porn in order to discover your preferences before you start having sex.
     
  19. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    I made a promise with my lips many years ago that if I were to kiss a woman, that woman would be my wife. That promise has kept me away from many bad relationships.

    It's not like there is no romance without intimate physical touch, if anything, the romance I had with the few women who I thought may be worth pursuing was much deeper, higher & broader than the kinds I had previously when I dated as most in the world today date. It put me in a spot where I fell in love with the woman's character, her mind & emotions, the way she sees the world...and much more. It also showed me the real issues between us...and gave me room to work on the real nuts and bolts of how the relationship could work without the clouding that physical intimacy can bring to one's heart.

    Turned out, time after time, that these women just weren't compatible with me on the deepest levels of our beings, and that's okay. I'm so glad that every woman who took a chance to get to know me was honest and vulnerable enough to find out that the things we wanted most in life just didn't match up. We were always able to part with minimal damage, encouraging each other to go on.

    You gotta take care of your heart, fixing it isn't easy.
     
  20. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Very well said! Personally, I didn't put kissing on my list to wait until marriage for, but I definitely wasn't loose lipped either. Only kissed one guy before my husband, and I honestly wish I hadn't, because the comparison caused some minor disappointments at first.

    But I love what you said about getting to know someone better without the cloud of physical intimacy effecting your judgement. I think that's very true. Physical intimacy is a beautiful thing, but it's binding (for a reason... it's supposed to be that way, and its part of what makes it so special). And that makes it a lot more difficult to sever if a relationship needs to end. I think people who are physically intimate tend to make more justifications for things that they ordinarily wouldn't accept, because they have a stronger reason to not want to leave the relationship. And sometimes that's not healthy.
     

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