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Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by himmelstoss, Nov 3, 2015.
You can't miss something you never had...
Exactly right, I don't miss sex because I have never had it, and I don't miss a relationship because I have never had that either.
God damnit, all I wanted to know was if I had a chance to live the life I wanted after 30 but the only people responding are kept men, women looking for kept men and celibate weirdos. I wish I hadn't made this thread.
IMO as long as your dick works it's never too late. Even if you're still a virgin at 80 it's not too late, just pop a blue pill and wear a Hugh Hefner robe.
Actually this is an entertaining thread.
Whose looking for a kept man?? What does that even mean?
Dude, people have already given you the answer. Yes, it is possible to lose your virginity after 30. How? By going out and asking for it. Go to bars or clubs...or anyplace that has people. Strike up a conversation with someone you would want to have sex with. And here's the secret: ask them if they would like to have sex. You can do this in a variety of ways. You can use dumb pick up lines to make your point obvious. Or just simply ask. You may get plenty of "no" responses. You may get slapped. But you don't need a "yes" from the first person you ask. You just need a "yes" once.
A guy I used to work with (who was a dirty old man, I might add) bragged about his confidence when he was younger. Apparently a lot of his friends would bet him to ask random women in bars to have sex with him, thinking he wouldn't do it. Being confident--and wanting to prove his friends wrong--he would take them up on their dares every time. He said he got laid a lot. He quickly followed this up with, "I also got slapped a lot, too."
The moral of the story is: you already know what you have to do to get what you want. The real question is: do you have the confidence to get past the fear that accompanies doing so? Can you handle the rejection that might ensue? (Just know that someone will probably eventually say yes...even if it is that 100th person).
Now, I struggle with social anxiety and I am a virgin, so you can disregard everything I say if you want. But even though I struggle with social anxiety, I know that to overcome it, I need to expose myself to my fear. But I don't, because I'm not confident and fearful. And fear isn't fun. I've made some small progress, but to make significant progress, I need to put myself out there and learn from my FAILURES (as there will be many when I first start out). The biggest problem is getting over that fear of failure.
You want a more professional opinion? A well-known cognitive/behavioral psychologist named Albert Ellis learned how to overcome his fear of women through significant amounts of exposure. You can check it out if you want. Look at the "Fear of approaching women section." http://www.rebtnetwork.org/ask/may06.html
Hope this helps.
Simple, but it takes work.
1) You need confidence
2) You need to go out and find a woman
3) Getting laid is the easiest part once you have done steps 1 and 2.
You said "Apps like tinder actually sound fun but I don't think I'm hot enough yet." This is what's preventing you from losing your virginity, you don't have enough confidence. Getting laid is not about being "hot." Women like confidence more than anything else. Read books on how to build your confidence/self-esteem. Once you have a little confidence you need to go out and find women.
If dating sites are intimidating, try meetup.com. It's a site to find things to do with other people, it's not a dating site. Go do things you enjoy doing and then you will find women there that enjoy doing the things that you like. This is a good way to start a conversation.
FYI - I have been called the "ugliest person that I know" by a guy I had known since high school. I agree that I'm ugly, but at the time I was screwing his old girlfriend and she was very pretty. He went on to marry an ugly woman and I now have a beautiful wife who I love. Another friend jokingly asked me if my wife married me because she lost a bet. I'm just telling you this because looks have nothing to do with it.
I was not always confident but I pretended I was. For me it was like being an actor, I played the role of a good-looking, smart, confident man. I didn't believe I was any of those things, but I do know that I have had many beautiful girl friends and I lost my virginity when I was 17. - Hope this helps, you can do it. Take a new approach and "Fake it until you make it!"
Good luck, I'm betting you will lose your virginity by next year.
Sex is fun, don't get me wrong. However without connection, trust, love, etc. It just becomes empty I feel. Now I understand the feeling, the "scratch" that needs to be itched, however its far better to do that with someone that you will never meet again afterwards.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but this sound weird from a guy who's considering going to a prostitute to lose his virginity. Who cares if your second best or a consolation prize, compared to sleeping with a prostitute at least you are losing your virginity to someone who has sex with you for something other than you are paying her to do it. Losing your virginity to a prostitute shouldn't even count. You really lose your virginity when you have figured out how to get a woman to like you enough to have sex with you.
My kind of girl, love your sex-drive. I need to get back into it. Being 12-years older than you and letting the doldrums of work and life creep into my marriage has slowed me down. Time to get back into it with a daily dose of sex.
I'm a married man, but not a kept man. Go out and find a women looking for a kept man, they are good candidates for what you want.
I think a kept man is a man who is supported financially by a women and must return the favor by doing what she wants. If you are looking for a kept man, I think it sounds good and it would be a nice retirement plan. Let me know.
You win for the most entertaining post that I have ever read on this site. I love that you lost your virginity because she was ugly and desperate. Those are perfectly legitimate reasons, but usually people will not admit it. Your second conquest is a good one too. - For you, I'm predicting the third time is the charm. Keep us posted.
I don't even remember where I said I I'd go to a hooker but I don't even like the idea, it sounds like everyone who's tried it felt like shit afterwards and I probably said I'd "consider it" as a last resort for when I"m older and actually have the discretionary income for that kind of thing (Right now I'd rather spend that money on clothes and shit.) I also don't think I did a good job of explaining what I meant by being "settled for" because I was thinking about what kind of relationship I could have, not what the woman looks like. I'm really not sure who's in m league right now but I won't reject anyone who's thin and wants to be an FWB (There was a plain-looking girl in HS who wanted to go out with me and I'm still kicking myself for rejecting her.) What I don't want is to be the safe option for anyone no matter what they look like, and that's what I feel a committed relationship would turn me into.
@himmelstoss so you're suffering from the "grass is always greener" syndrome? Lets be realistic, there is always someone out there better, just the same there is always going to be a male out there better than you as well (no offense), however it really doesn't matter. If you can be happy with someone decent looking, then why not be? you don't have to be with the hottest thang you ever done seen just to have a good LTR.
I want to tell you a story from my past, just so you get what I'm saying. I have been attracted to about 3 females (looks wise) my entire life, none of them wanted me. The first one (my first love) ended up breaking my heart the entirety of my HS years, she did end up contacting me later on in life, then we ended up "breaking up" because she said she couldn't date someone that was bisexual. Now of course, that would've been just as bad (perhaps worse) earlier on, however it kind of made the experience of losing my first love much more tolerable for me.
As for the second it was a girl that was already with someone at first knowledge, so there wasn't anything I could've done there. The third was a bit different because it was someone who I thought was into me, and she ended up going out with someone else I knew of (I was there for their first conversation and everything), however in hindsight I realize she really isn't the girl for me, she just looked like the girl I wanted, big difference.
All I'm really saying is that you should focus on girls that are good for you, those who will support you and push you forward, not just the ones with nice bods that are trouble and will leave you in a heartbeat.
Maybe I'm naive but I think it's really cool how hard some women work to look good and they sound like exactly the kind of women I want in my life. But you're missing the point because I don't want to be limited to LTRs in the first place.
@himmelstoss if you are only interested in sex, then I suppose a prostitute or an escort would be suitable. However, even then you're still better off doing it with someone you have at least a little bit of connection with, perhaps someone who is a little experimental that you can have some fun with? The reason being that the trust, connection, and communication will enhance the experience and make it much better than otherwise.
Well I thought the connection would happen anyway. It's just the idea of being tied down that I have a problem with.
You only get as tied down as you would allow yourself to be, there are plenty of people out there that want no strings attached sex these days, I doubt you'll see too many go further than that assuming that was what you agreed upon beforehand.
Oh and try not to end up just replacing porn with sex, sex is worse because you could get STD's or get a girl knocked up (meaning you would have to pay child support and stuff, not good).
It's really weird, I hear about it on the internet all the time but I never partied or anything so it just sounds like some kind of urban legend.