Approaching women right after a relapse, thoughts?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ShotDunyun, Sep 2, 2018.

  1. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    This was taken from my last post on my journal, I apologize it its rushed and if there are things that dont seem to be related at anything.

    So I've been feeling motivated to keep going on this journey. Erections are back, there are not that hard in the morning but dang, after months of not having a single one I can´t really complain. Now I have to deal with very strong urges, this is not much of a problem since when I have them I now I can channel this energy to work out, what I've been doing on a regular basis lately. I have more energy to do more things, brain fog is almost not there, I feel confident and social anxiety is at a very low level.

    I don't know what changed. It seems like going without ejaculations for months is not good for me. I´m considering getting a girlfriend/friends with benefits to allow me to release every now and then. I'll keep on NoFap to confirm this theory, and if, and only IF I feel like fucking shit again, I'll rub one out without porn.

    Now, and I consider this to be very important and you'll see what at the end. Female attraction has been INSANE the last three weeks. Women everywhere, online and in real life seem to want to see me a lot. My best woman friend asked for help to mount some shelves on the wall, I helped her and the next day she mention that I "look good". Some others text me out of the blue, even ones I haven't seen in years. Women that never noticed me are showing interest. My boss (she's a woman) just straight up implies she'd want to have sex with me in front of everyone. And some people can read this and think "damn bro, that is awesome!" but that is not always the case. I can turn into an asshole when this happens, like I'm some kind of rockstar and I always deserve better. And the next bad thing is that always, ALWAYS, there is also a big period when women just dont notice me and dont pay me any attention, and I'm ashamed to admit that every single time I miss that feeling of being noticed.

    And now I'm not sure of what to do. There is a girl at work that I like a lot and she is a bombshell, there is no reason to describe her, just image her as the girl you like the most at the moment. I first saw her like one year ago, and she never payed any attention to me, like at all. I didn't obsessed over it and I tried to not think too much about it, but started to change a few months ago. I noticed her looking at me. She used to go with her friends to take lunch close to the specific area I used to work, again, looking at me a lot. I'm sure she did this for me to notice her and approach her. I just didn't because I did not want to have any kind of relationship before I reached my 4 months of NoFap goal. Well, I relapsed around one month ago, and just now I seem to be back on track. This woman attraction seem to be affecting her as well. I saw her on the street two weeks ago, and I didn't look at her because I feel that I'm not ready, being back to day zero on NoFap. And well, last Thursday she sent me a message on the company's chat, like she meant to send the message to someone else. Now, it'd be a HUGE coincidence that she sent this message to me as a mistake, since we are hundreds of people there. I know women enough to know this is ruse to get me to approach her. I like her a lot, but I'm not feeling confident. What If I feel like fucking dog shit again, and fuck everything up? What if my sexual performance is a joke?

    What should I tell her? "I'm sorry but I have a porn addiction, the number one reason of being a total loser"? I don't know, maybe I just should approach her and see what happens, but man, this is totally not the right time for her to make a move like that. I know I sound like a fucking wimp, but this really stresses me out.
  2. torrace

    torrace Fapstronaut

    Personally, i feel that you only tell her that you have porn addiction when you are much closer to her.

    In the meantime, just try get to know her as person e.g. what she did over the weekend, where she last traveled to, etc. Eventually the thought of wanting to learn more about her could help focus your thoughts away from porn or other distracting stuff.

    If she doesn't seem to reply to you or answer you, perhaps she isn't that interested. If she isn't interested, no worries, just focus your energies and thoughts to other things e.g. your hobbies, spending time with friends, etc.
    ShotDunyun likes this.
  3. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    Thanks man, I really appreciate your advice. I'll try to message her, ir she doesnt replies, nothing will change, so thats fine with me.
    torrace likes this.
  4. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Getting to know women better is often the best cure for obsessive thoughts. Shattering illusions helps you think about a woman less and worry less. Talking can kill attraction to a woman and help you stop worrying. You no longer have to worry "what if?". Things either work, or they don't.

    "Familiarity breeds contempt". Get her off that pedestal!
    Hitto and ShotDunyun like this.
  5. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    Its been a long time since I stopped putting women on a pedestal. I'm kind of an asshole now, since being the good guy does not work for me. The thing is I dont want to feel like shit when I try to approach them.
    torrace likes this.

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