Are dating chat and dating apps damaging for your sexual health?

I don't know anything about dating chat. Is it video, audio, or text?

I think if dating chat is used to find someone for real world interaction, rather than immediate stimulation, it wouldn't be PMO relapse. It might be some other form of acting out, depending on your situation.

On the other hand, your title: "damnaging" - Freudian slip?

 

Seems to be several things. Going online to meet someone in the real world. I met my wife on a dating site. She is the most antiporn positive person on Earth. On the other hand I have gone looking for romance online and women and I immediately launched into porn talk that led to mutual masturbation or even acting out porn fantasies or exchanging sexual pictures. Seems to be what you want to make it

 

I for one, have been damaged by Tinder and other chat App. Easy come easy go. It messes with your mind by high frequency level of energy sucking out of your life. It's NOT worth it and it completely goes against the core value of NoFap: seeking truth and peace.

 

For me the answer is definitely YES, THEY ARE DAMAGING.
The first problem with these things is that you focus too much on finding some stupid "ideal" instead of getting out there and just talking with people, both attractive and non. I have also found that Tinder and OKC actually contribute to building neural pathways which are similar to PMO but of less intensity. I feel really depressed after swiping on Tinder, because all it's really doing is giving me an opportunity to engage in a concentrated session of subconsciously repeating, over and over and over, the same harmful messages which plague me in the real dating world "you're a weirdo, you won't satisfy anyone, they will think you're weird, your dick isn't big enough for them, blah blah blah blah". These apps should be used to strike up a fun chat, invite to a coffee shop, chat as friends, see if a real friendship develops, and THEN see if you want to take things further.

 

I think you underestimate the emotional drain it is, for some of us, using things like Tinder and OKC. It is certainly not "effortless" but basically we're talking about a sliding scale, here. The more effort you put in to any kind of relating, the more the payoff is. And of course, developing a true friendship and being servicefull and mutually emotionally vulnerable and loyal are going to pay off even more! Yes, you are correct that there is ideation and fantasy involved in these apps, and there is a "hit" of a reward when contact is made, both in the app, and then in real life...so I do see what you are saying...I think there could be some sort of community centered around proper use of social connection tools vs abuse and addictive behaviors...I just don't know if this is the place for it, since we're focused specifically on PMO and the crises which arise from it.

 

This is true, in my opinion. I think it can take it a step further than porn, because you can end up having sex and confusing your subconscious mind into thinking that you're doing something right. I have yet to meet a girl off Tinder that is emotionally stable, not to say that there aren't girls that are, but I think they get weeded out by the time I actually end up on a date because to a certain extent, I'm only looking on Tinder when I'm lonely. I tend to think that I may be able to hide this loneliness behind the screen, but maybe it's not possible. I've found that I meet much higher quality potential partners through friends or social events.

 

Thank you for validating my thoughts which I haven't put into words yet. Sure there are ok people on Tinder, but the overall atmosphere is very very immature...I feel like for many it will be a phase, but they will be rather unprepared for commitment when they actually start desiring it.

SO good to be able to admit that to one's self. I am the same.

 

The confusing part is that some people swear by it, while others have found successful relationships using it. But in this way, whenever I am using it, I am reaching for something that I am not. This has not been my experience with it, and that is how it relates to porn. Some people can use porn casually and can seek out and have pornlike sex without affecting their day to day lives and relationships. I wish I was one of these people, but I am slowly waking up to the fact that I am not. It's a hard realization when you see it all around you, but I am happy to have developed the perspective that I need to make progress on my own path.

 

I like the way you describe this. Very intuitive.

 

OP, I think the answer rather depends on whether you meet people from it or not.

Remember, you're trying to quit porn and maybe self-pleasure, not pleasure altogether. Unless you want to become a nun or something.

 

That said, the only research I have seen regarding IM'ing is quite inconclusive... unlike non-communicative internet use, which is linked to decreased relationship quality and quantity, and it's no secret that's a major contirbuting factor to depression.

https://search.proquest.com/openvie...35c9bfa0e850/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=41539

 

I think you may have mis-read me. I'm saying if you actually meet (and/or seduce) people as a result of initially meeting them via chat, like online dating it's perfectly ok. That's the positive for ppl that have their shit together.

But there's a couple benefits for people that don't have their shit together too, but they don't get talked about, because how many people are comfortable addressing their shortcomings?

1) People don't really develop good social skills on their own. Wasn't a class on it in my high school, how about you? The vast majority of people, even good looking ones, don't really know how to talk to strangers. Chat gives socially akward or isolated (most) people a chance to socially interact with strangers without all that fidgeting body language, nervousness of not knowing what to say, etc.

2) You can't see the person you're talking to... and in real life we judge people primarily on their appearance, despite what almost any individual person will tell you. (after all, who wants to look shallow?)
Many people (both men and women) get treated harshly simply because they're unattractive and no other reason... even by other unattractive people. But on a text-only screen, all folks are created equal. Lots of unattractive people simply want a space where they can communicate without being treated like dirt.

So for them... maybe not the best thing out there, but better than nothing. One man's harmful addiction is another man's salvation.

 

well i certainly became more decadent and developed a kind of a grooming character to many girls i was not that attracted to i was more like, hey if i am not attracted so much to her face maybe her body or tits would do it for me, so i developed a pattern of asking for pictures, and if they sent one somewhat sensual i would push for another, and so on, but it was always volontary and i could take no for an answer and never shared anything and deleted as soon as i got anything. You could say i was very responsible in how i dealt with my grooming tendencies but i always felt very bad afterwards especially if i sent something of sexual character like a clip or something to a girl i was exchanging sexual content with from a dating site or dating app. This was/is a hard pattern to break i found so now since a few days back i deleted all dating apps and sites in order for me to deal with this very destructive and almost compulsive pattern.

Once you have seen the tits (or more) of a girl you are supposed to start dating you are naturally not as interested anymore since she (and I) exhibit very low self controll, low impulse control etc and that both of us are really really desperate for affirmation and sexual release. So invertedly it is a way of ruining things before they even began, or atleast could be.

I am so glad that i can deal with this pattern and start to become a healthy, nurturing and sound person again, not the least partner too.