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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Jrmz94, May 7, 2019.
for me it was both emptiness because of an urge for more and also regret because it was immoral
Escorts in my opinion are more addicting than porn which is basically porn with a live person. There are so many reasons not to and several of them have already been listed in this thread.
They are the bravest soul around.
Oooooh I finally found someone thinking like me! I never had a "first time" with nobody, even though I had other kinds of experience with girl (not gonna tell you what I'm talking about, so that you can be sure not to relapse); but since I mostly know how it goes, I have my own opinion, probably shared by many people: sex should be the crowning of a love consecrated by the marriage, in which there are no stock and no way out, because you decided to give your life for love. And that's the greatest representation of God's love for His Church, but not the only one.
In my opinion it's ok if you have fetishes, weird fantasies or something like that, but it's important to speak with your wife without any fear, so that you can even realize it and build a stronger intimacy with her. Obviously you cannot exclude the possibility of having children, because otherwise you use your partner as a pleasure machine, and most of all you become more selfish. And so, at this point, you can even M in order to be more coherent to that, even if you can do it alone. But this is not what we must look for, because our life is meaningful just if we donate it: in marriage, in family, at work, here in the community, etc.
Do you agree with me?
Not sure what it's like in other countries, but here in UK alot of the working girls are independent and I think seem to enjoy what they do.
However, considering I am here to stop using them (which is going well so far! - touch wood) I would have to say they are bad. Very bad. The sexual release is so much more than that which you get with masturbation so much more desirable which makes you keep going back.
But frankly, the sex is crap as it is empty, no love, no meaning. Then there is the stress of being found out, did you catch something, how much did it cost?! So yea I would avoid like the plague.
I mostly agree with you. The only thing I disagree with is the notion that I could M after marriage. My church teaches that M is a very serious sin, so I can never M again - married or not. Also, fortunately for me, the weird fetishes/fantasies are disappearing now that I no longer P, M, O, or fantasize. (I'm basically going monk mode) Anyway, glad to hear there are people of like mind out there. Good luck!
You probably misurderstood what I meant. I agree with saying that M is a mortal sin too. I just said that if you have sex with your wife just for fun, excluding every possibility of new birth, is nothing different from M, because it's like kind of M with the support of a woman, the one you're using for pleasure.
Escorts are bad
You have to move past the guilt. You could flip the script, and tell yourself that the escort is preying on vulnerable men who have no options to satisfy a need. Using an escort, for a man, is an act of desperation. I'd wager most men who use escorts are men who have ran out of ways to cope.
I have used escorts for the last four years, but I did it to escape the pain of loneliness. If I had the ability to form a relationship, with someone worthy, you can bet a million dollars I would have never sought out an escort.
I have always known since the first time I have used an escort it was wrong, but it was filling a need. Now I am coming to grips that I need to stop seeing them, because it is making my situation worse.
Instead of illogically foisting all the blame on yourself it is really both parties who are in the wrong. You also need to stop telling yourself that all women who escort are victims. Yes, a lot of them want to get out of what they are doing, but others are perfectly fine with doing it, because it provides a source of material wealth they don't have access to in the mainstream job market.
It was mixture for me. When I got done I'd feel satisfied and happy immediately after if I found the escort attractive, but upon driving home I would feel regret, anxiety and disappointment. The day after usually just consisted of anxiety in a lot of the cases, because I was worrying about STD's. I've had a few extremely shameful moments when I got robbed. Using escorts has way more negative feelings attached to it than positives.
How do you view sex?
Most men today will say that sex is just sex; it is just a pleasure.
This perspective is wrong, yet it is reinforced by the many lies of our hook up culture.
Have sex, they say. Your body is a play house.
Your body is not a play house, and nothing comes without consequence.
- unwanted pregnancy
- masking your need for intimacy with ecstasy (a horrible cycle)
- your future spouses insecurity, her having the slightest doubt that you will be faithful
It all comes down to you. Are you willing to live a life pursuing the desires of your flesh? It's a lonely road, and it only leads to regret.
And the thing about it is you aren't given the power to decide that a life of pleasure will bring you joy. You can convince yourself now that this is "your personal truth." But once the curtain closes and you're still chasing the high, you're going to come face to face with the depravity that is in the heart of man, and you're going to cover your face in shame.
I've heard from a little bird in a tree that a lot of woman really just enjoy the plain act of having sex, even if there is no child to be born later.
Especially if there is no child to be born later.
That also includes Christian wifes.
Just because a woman is religious, doesn't mean she doesn't want to have sex just for pleasure.
They very well do.
This thread is a bit amusing to me, so many different opinions.
Let's be clear.
All escorts are, is an easy way out of learning how to get good with women.
No guy on this planet would pay money for something he can have for free.
But becoming good with girls is really difficult, and most guys rather take the easy way out.
That is why prostitution thrives.
It gives a man who usually has no access to beautiful women a convenient way to get something he wants in his life without having to invest any time or effort into it.
The drawback is that the sex is very risky due to the moral dilemma wether she does it because she wants to or gets forced, the possibility of getting std's is much higher and more often than not, the feeling of emptiness and regret afterwards. Doesn't always happen, but it mostly does.
I personally wouldn't recommend it. I prefer to rather be alone then throwing this beautiful thing called Sex into garbage can. I am also not sleeping with girls i am not attracted to, just for the sake of having sex. If i can't sleep with a girl i actually feel attracted to and really like, i'd rather not have any sex at all. Even if that is a very painful decision.
It is the right one for me.
Ok, I think I exaggerated a little bit, or maybe I didn't explain myself as good as I wanted to. My argument was sustained by a more Christian point of view, because I was talking about the sin of "bad used" sexuality, that's to say the one that has just the purpose of fun and pleasure, nothing else but that.
Sex is beautiful, fun and pleasurable with the right person. No religion can change what i am feeling with a person when you are together, invested in this one single moment, merging with each other and lock out the rest of the world.
And honestly @Nanni. mind explaining why you would purposefully decline yourself as well as your wife one of the greatest enjoyments in life, just due to the fact that you very well may not be financially able to support more then 1/2/3 children?
Financial responsibiltiy should never be a reason to not enjoy each other and strenghten your bond as a couple through intimacy.
That's right. But I think we should even be responsible of our actions. This is also what God asked everyone. And this is the main reason of being in a Nofap journey: GETTING FREE FROM OURSELVES, even from our instinct, and to choose freely, without any slavery. If you have sex just for pleasure it's not helpful, because your feelings, your choices, your thinking skills are strongly influenced by this.
What we have to do is to learn from God the real love, and to love the people He put beyond us as He does.
I know it's quite difficult to understand and to practice, because it's something that doesn't concern human possibilities. That's why praying is important in our life, because He makes changes in our lives. The most you trust in Him, the most you can realize it. It's difficult, but not impossible.