Are fetishes the same as porn?

Hi Lingy_Dude,

I have several clothes fetishes which are impossible to escape. I understand where they came from and also understand why they came about.

In my case, at least in part, it has to do both with sensitisation and desensitisation, just like any other addiction/compulsion. I needed them to reach orgasm due to DE.

Porn was only a medium by which you fed your addiction. In all likelihood, your addiction isn't to porn, but to your fetish. This posses a confronting question. Was your mind, subconsciously, distracting you from your addiction in order to perpetuate dependence? Or do you need to cast your reasoning a little wider in order to truly gauge the complexity of your compulsive behaviours?

The mind is a universe. Exploring it reaps a life time of rewards. Never stop searching for the understanding you need to become a better, more complete, individual.

 

Hello again Lingy_Dude,

Have you looked into treatment for eating disorders and addictions?

I have never really struggled with control over the impulses related to my fetishes but they are a vulnerability which can lead to relapse.

I disagree that an understanding of the source and origin of our fetishes does not contribute to our regaining control over them. It is important to understand the psychological genesis of these in order to identify any significant complexes or other psychological hiccups that may need professional help.

 

The central idea on this website is that porn is bad and evil. I disagree, in part.

Pornography is a form of art which appeals to the primitive behavioural parts of our brains. Anything in excess,or as a compulsion, can be harmful. It is only harmful once we cede control of our thoughts or behaviours to something external or removed from our self.

Pornography and fetishes often are found sharing the same bed, so to speak, but are mutually exclusive. A sexually healthy individual is capable of having multiple fetishes which have no detrimental effect on their everyday lives or the sexual relations they engage in.

I recommend you look into partialism. Something which is commonly confused with fetishism, and which is much more normalised and accepted in society.

Sexuality is as necessary for our survival as eating and breathing. Individuals with an eating disorder have reprogrammed the way they approach eating but do not have a choice to abstain from it in order to rewire their brains. This is how a similarity between eating disorders and sexual dysfunctions is made. Perhaps you will find some tools that can be translated to dealing with your own challenges.

 

This is an interesting question and challenge you have. I have a fetish as well, a strong one that's been with me for as long as I can remember. And it's tough when this fetish is something that sometimes just occurs in everyday life. It means that avoiding triggers to the arousal is not always possible.

I'm going to think out loud a bit here, and give you my guess that responding to a fetish is NOT as bad as porn, and here's why:

Seeing a fetish in the course of everyday life and having your body and brain respond powerfully is not a behavior like watching porn is. It's a reaction inside.

I do understand what you mean though about having similar reactions when you see the objects of your fetish to the reactions you might have watching porn. But again, watching porn is a choice. This fetish is a habit of your brain and body.

As to your question on how to gain control so YOU get to choose when to be turned on by these things and when you'd like to just move on with your day.....that's a great question! And I haven't found my personal answer to that yet either.

One thing I do know helps me is to be gentle with myself around my fetish and how easily the feelings are triggered in me. When I can accept this fetish as a current reality of what my brain and body do, it can let me ride out the response without amplifying it inside.

I hope something in this is helpful! It helps me to think out loud about this, so I'm glad you brought it up!

 

This thread is very intriguing and I'm learning a lot from the group here. Like some one else posted, watching porn is a choice. Just like smoking, drinking or taking drugs etc. you can easily become hooked and addicted on any of those things. I've noticed that my fetishes are more hard-wired into me than by choice. One of my fetishes is/was watching gay porn. But I'm not gay. Perhaps bi. I have been attracted to guys but when I was younger I experimented and tried to do the gay thing and was basically repulsed by it . Couldn't do it. But I can get off watching it. I like women and are attracted to them too but at the same time I still have these gay fetish tendencies which can arouse me if I watch certain gay porn. It's weird and I know there's some psychological reason deep down why I feel like this. I don't choose to like chocolate but I do. I don't choose to like sci-fi movies but I do. I must have some bi tendencies that I don't choose to have but they are just there. I find myself attracted physically to some men but don't believe I could ever follow through and have a sexual relationship.